I feel under threat...ex partner at it again

[Sophie_P]

It is absolutely awful, her gf came out holding my daughter on Wednesday night when I went to pick her up. It broke my heart, and I know my ex would of told her to, to try and get a row out of me.

 

[Holi]

I really feel for this situation -
I honestly do. My mate is going through an awful breakup and it's heartbreaking to see.

Your safety and abuse towards you seems to be main issue so if you could make direct contact non existent then that would be a good start. Plus logging everything they do to you

As for 'brain washing' your lg against you - lost of ex's with bad blood between then can make co parenting work - maybe mediation with just you and ex?

I'm just trying to sit on fence and putting myself I your ex's shoes - if someone was saying the only time I could see my child was in a contact centre? Especially when there's no real risk to the child's safety. I just couldn't fathom it

Please don't hate me for saying that, I'm sure it must feel completely different when it's happening to you - just try and separate your bad relationship with your ex and the relationship between your ex and you're daughter

Good luck I wish you all the best xxx

 

[Sophie_P]

She has also been abusive to me, calling me a **** on Facebook, and giving me abuse, she was shaking and threatening me with the papers and solicitors. I either don't pursue this and be in fear for the rest of my life, or pursue it and feel awful for my ex as I'm a nice person, by requesting a contact centre.

 

[Sophie_P]

I am in no way shape or form refusing contact, I have no choice but to let me daughter go tomorrow to two people that are probably calling me explicit names around my daughter.

 

[Holi]

I am in no way shape or form refusing contact, I have no choice but to let me daughter go tomorrow to two people that are probably calling me explicit names around my daughter.

Has your daughter said anything that makes you believe that this is what's happening? (Sorry not sure how old your
Lo is)

Xx

 

[Sophie_P]

No, she's only one years old.

 

[Holi]

No, she's only one years old.

Still, it must still be a worry that she'll pick up in the bad vibe

Just cling on to that they hopefully will realise how damaging that would be on your lg if they were to speak bad of you while she's around.

I know lost of people who hate their ex's but wouldn't dream of speaking bad about them in front of kids, let's hope your ex's is the same x

 

[Sophie_P]

She just picked her up. Both of them. I was nice and said "She is being quite grouchy" she said "Oh, well she is not now".

 

[Sophie_P]

I have asked her three times tonight if we can drop offs and collections alone, she refused. What can I do now? Any suggestions?

 

[Kaedin]

I have asked her three times tonight if we can drop offs and collections alone, she refused. What can I do now? Any suggestions?

Where do yous currently do the changeovers? has she given any reasons against both of you being alone?

 

[Sophie_P]

She just plain refused. Mondays at my house and Wednesdays outside my work.

 

[Kaedin]

Maybe she wants someone with her as shes meeting in an environment you are comfortable with and she isnt? As you could have people in your house or work colleagues "on your side"so to speak, so she could feel threatened like you. Could you suggest somewhere neutral to you both that yous could meet alone to do the changeover

If youre in contact with a solicitor you could ask to send a letter suggesting mediation. Speaking in mediation just the 2 of you might make her change her mind if she hears your reasons behind it?

 

[MrsG81]

If it's mostly the pick ups and drops off that are causing fear for yourself (I know there are other issues but in particular that one) then maybe you could always make sure you do them in a public place?

She is probably less likely to be aggressive towards you in a public place and if she was physical there would probably be witnesses that could provide evidence to the police. But personally I have found that most bullies (because this sounds like what she is) will only do it when they feel they can have the upper hand and at least being in a public place might make her wary of getting too mouthy with you.

Although honestly I have to say with regards to what you posted above:

"She just picked her up. Both of them. I was nice and said "She is being quite grouchy" she said "Oh, well she is not now".

If I am honest, I think you might be being a little over sensitive. While it might be an abrupt reply and said just to wind you up, I don't think it's anything to get too upset over. I'm sure it's upsetting because it sounds like another thing in a long line of abuse you are getting, but just try and ignore it. She is being childish, so treat her like a child. Smile nicely and ignore her tantrum just like you would a child.

Regarding the contact centre, if you don't have any worries about your child when she is with them, then I think supervised visits is going a bit over the top. There is no way she should be treating you like she is and calling you names, but if she is a good parent towards your daughter then supervised visits sound a bit extreme.

Your daughter lives with you and I'm sure as she grows up she will realise that any nasty things your ex may say about you are not true. Personally I feel pushing for supervised visits (especially if there is no risk to your daughters wellbeing while with them) is the sort of thing that could create longer term problems in the future.

Obviously this is just my opinion based on what you have said and I don't know all the facts. I really hope you can work out a way around all these problems. x

 

[Sophie_P]

If it's mostly the pick ups and drops off that are causing fear for yourself (I know there are other issues but in particular that one) then maybe you could always make sure you do them in a public place?

She is probably less likely to be aggressive towards you in a public place and if she was physical there would probably be witnesses that could provide evidence to the police. But personally I have found that most bullies (because this sounds like what she is) will only do it when they feel they can have the upper hand and at least being in a public place might make her wary of getting too mouthy with you.

Although honestly I have to say with regards to what you posted above:

"She just picked her up. Both of them. I was nice and said "She is being quite grouchy" she said "Oh, well she is not now".

If I am honest, I think you might be being a little over sensitive. While it might be an abrupt reply and said just to wind you up, I don't think it's anything to get too upset over. I'm sure it's upsetting because it sounds like another thing in a long line of abuse you are getting, but just try and ignore it. She is being childish, so treat her like a child. Smile nicely and ignore her tantrum just like you would a child.

Regarding the contact centre, if you don't have any worries about your child when she is with them, then I think supervised visits is going a bit over the top. There is no way she should be treating you like she is and calling you names, but if she is a good parent towards your daughter then supervised visits sound a bit extreme.

Your daughter lives with you and I'm sure as she grows up she will realise that any nasty things your ex may say about you are not true. Personally I feel pushing for supervised visits (especially if there is no risk to your daughters wellbeing while with them) is the sort of thing that could create longer term problems in the future.

Obviously this is just my opinion based on what you have said and I don't know all the facts. I really hope you can work out a way around all these problems. x

Thanks for your opinions. In writing it really is difficult to explain, the tone is so hostile that you probably would be upset too.

I reached out to my ex partner on Tuesday night asking to talk about things and 'clear the air' to which she refused, said all the things her, her partner and her friends have said are true and to 'go fuck myself'.

I really do not think I am over-reacting or being oversensitive.

 

[Sophie_P]

Maybe she wants someone with her as shes meeting in an environment you are comfortable with and she isnt? As you could have people in your house or work colleagues "on your side"so to speak, so she could feel threatened like you. Could you suggest somewhere neutral to you both that yous could meet alone to do the changeover

If youre in contact with a solicitor you could ask to send a letter suggesting mediation. Speaking in mediation just the 2 of you might make her change her mind if she hears your reasons behind it?

If she is not comfortable being alone with me, then that is all she needs to say. I approached her about this and she said 'If I chose to bring my partner with me that is my choice' I thought fair enough, at least I asked and it is all on file.

Mediation will not help, I cannot even text her asking to talk. Sitting in a room with her talking will just make the situation worse and cause World War 3.