I feel like i get beat up daily...

[Red_Fairy]

In the last 2 weeks or so Hannah has become really angery. (altho she has always been boy-strass) sp? She seems to be constantly angery. And she lashes out if i take things away from her. She constantly bites (she has a whole mouth full of teeth) pulls my hair or even just punches me in the face.
I always thought children who 'lash out' do it because they've seen there parents/tv etc do it. Hannah certinaly has not.
I dont really know how to respond either. As i totally did not expecvt this at this stage. Hannah is massive (everyone usually thinks shes about 18 months old when im out shopping etc - people are astounded shes so young (plus shes the exact same size as her 20 month cousin)) so when she lashes out, it really hurts!
Saying 'No' all the time dosent seem to be doign anything. She will just do it over and over.
Anyone experienced this with a baby hannahs age? and what shall i do about the violence.?

 

[Fiona]

I haven't had this with Grace but my friends little girl was exactly like this when she was not quite a year old and she found it so distressful........ her HV suggested that it was because her baby was getting frustrated at being unable to get herself understood and also not being able to do the things she wanted to do and it was likely that she was quite intelligent and simply getting annoyed and frustrated .......... the only way she knew how to communicate her frustration was by hitting out ....... my friend ended up taking her to a signing class where Olivia learnt some simple signs to make herself understood... and it did do the trick - eventually she stopped hitting out and became much calmer....... the good news is the the hv was right .......... she is a very very bright little girl and is doing so well at school .........all the teachers are amazed at how quick she is to learn new things......
perhaps it is the same with Hannah ........... you might have yourself a frustrated genius there.....
sending lots of .....

 

[Red_Fairy]

aww thanks, that makes me feel alot better. And if im honest, alot of what you say rings true. I probably sound like any other proud mum, but EVERYONE says Hannah is really bright. She seems to pick up everything really quickly. like i make a 'red-indian' noice with my mouth (covering it/un covering it while making a noice) and she instantly coppied me, or the other day i was eating ice (pregnancy related) and hannah started walking round the living room mimicking chomping ice (going 'cruch, crunch) she also says 'Nah' where its appropriate.(when she dosnt want anymore food, or shes being tickled too much etc) and every time she sees my mum she starts pretending to cough. (cos my mums a heavy smoker and coughs all the time) I dont know if this is normal 8-9 month stuff. But everyone who knows her coments on how quick she is.
hopfully the headbuts/punches/pulls will be worth it in the end.

 

[kellie80]

Nathans so bad at the minute. Hes big for his age too, the same size as his 2 year old sister and he really hurts. He head butts you all the time and smacks you right in the face and laughs. He does bite sometimes but not as often. He kicks a lot too

 

[Red_Fairy]

today was the worst! usually when we go shopping she is as good as gold, but today it was like she was having temper tantrums like a 2 year old. She just kept letting out these huge blood curdeling screams of anger, followed by punching the side of the pram and biting her own hand. other people where looking i nearly died.
nothing i could do would make her stop, she wasnt crying - it was just anger. (i think cos she was bored in the pram, altho if i gave her a toy/keys she threw them on the floor. Shes like a different child.

The whole day she has been hard work, she even got out of her walker today. (shes dicovered if she bends right over, grabs the bottom of the fire place she can pull her self out.) - (she discoverd how to get out of the bumbo in all of 2 minutes a few weeks ago) Now i cant put her anywhere!

She's had a tummy bug (the runs) for 24 hours now... im hoping that has somthing to do with her very distruptive behaviour today

 

[Rosebay]

I think kids often find it hard when they're aware of the gap between their awareness of the world and what they're capable of doing. That's what a lot of toddler tantrums are about and I don't see why she can't be having this early on. Can you get one of those BabyDan BabyDen type things or another kind of large playpen? I found those very helpful with Elliott because he was so into everything that I couldn't leave him even to go to the loo. If you've got a bright kid and they're used to being stimulated it's hard to keep them engaged when you've got other things to do and they're too young to play themselves. I take different small toys with us in our changing bag as well as bubbles, stickers, small cars etc and saved them for when I had stuff to do that he'd find boring. Not sure what kind of things she'd manage but she sounds very capable. Can you get her to help you shop by pointing at bread etc or not quite?

It will get easier, honest!
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p.s I love Jarvis too, used to do a very bad impression of him when dancing to Babies back in the day....

 

[Red_Fairy]

Thanks for your reply

Ive got a travel cot, it that the same as one of them dens? She likes to stand in her cot but that about it, sitting in it for more then 3 minutes is boring (no matter how many toys is around her)

Its really getting to me, every day now is harder then the one before. Today has been tantrum after tantrum or winge after widge. She wont entertain herself AT ALL. And sitting on my knee isnt good enough either (after 5 mins she just wants to pull my hair out, headbut me, punch me)
Im gonna try and take her out tomorrow to the park. Its a fair walk away and i just wasnt up to it today (had bad spd and was tired)

When i think about it Hannah is harder work now then when she was new born. She STILL demands 2 full milk bottles a night. (she has one b4 bed time (7pm), then one at midnight then another at about 4am) Ive increased her daily 'solids' to LOADS but she WILL NOT drop them bottles.

But i have noticed that hannah has always had 'bad' patches (moaning/not sleeping) and good, so im REALLY hoping this will pass. Tho in honestly she has well more bad then good.
Shes so smart and i should be grateful. but shes so angery ALL the time i just cant ever satisfy her now.

Sorry for this long post, im just feeling abit emotional right now and if i cant handle one what am i gonna be like with 2 !!

 

[Redshoes]

She sounds like a very clever and passionate little lady Rachel, I'm sure she will grow out of the 'bad' points, they do have to 'fight' sometimes to see how far they can push us I think I feel like I get beat up everyday because Isaac thinks I'm a climbing frame which can be very painful and bruising.

 

[jennywren]

could she be teething?? Oran always gets more aggressive when he is teething? He always bites, slaps, pulls hair and nips etc but more so and more aggressivly when he is teething!

Re the milk in the night, could you try the 12 pm bottle as being warm water, or half & half and gradually all warm water so she sees ''no point'' in waking up, then if you get her to drop that one leave it a few weeks and try again on the 4am one?

 

[Rosebay]

huge hugs- sounds like a difficult patch but you'll get through it

the BabyDens are more like old style play pens, here's Elliott (Mel) in his when he was 15 months:-

My mum made the buffer to go round the inside, he didn't get locked in there for long and generally just went in and out of it all day but I'd read him stories in there and put certain toys he really liked in there and when I needed somewhere safe to put him when the door went, the phone rang or I needed the loo I knew he was safe and unable to get out and he did like it. They're not cheap but you could always look on ebay. I think ours was worth it and we've now got the play tent top for it so that he uses it as an indoor house or den. You can also use the frame to rope off an area of a room as well by attaching a bracket to the wall- my parents used to do this when we went up to theirs for Xmas to make a bit of their otherwise non-baby safe room ok for him. My mum says that when my brother was crawling and trying to grab things that I (2 1/2 years older) was playing with I used to sit in a playpen and play with the lego etc while he ranged around the outside so I'm hoping it will have a long term use too.

With the feeding have you tried cluster feeding towards bedtime, or hungry baby formula? I guess you probably have but just in case...? Is she teething? Elliott always got incredibly grumpy when he was teething. He has just gone through a nasty patch of scratching me when he's angry. It took weeks but everytime he did it I clearly told him off and put him upstairs in his cot and gave him time out and then got him to apologise- finally I imposed sanctions of no fun colours in his bath at bedtime if he'd hurt me during the day and that seems to have done it. I don't think these would work with such a young baby but somehow you have to get the message across that hurting you is not acceptable and that it won't get her what she wants- or that there are other ways of expressing anger. I've been giving Elliott headbutting the sofa lessons as he gets very angry and just doesn't yet know what to do with the rage (a sofa is better than the floor!). I don't know your little girl well enough to suggest anything or accurately think back to when he was the same age but I would think putting her down immediately, walking away to a different part of the room yourself and making sure she has a safe place to be angry in (padded!) might help. Does she understand the concept of pain do you think? I know it took Mel a long time to be able to think about that and realize that he was hurting us.

Is she better when you're out? Can you take her for long walks to cool down when she's in this kind of mood? Have you tried playing soothing music- didn't work for us at home but classic FM often does the trick in the car when he's kicking off as he likes listening?

Sorry, I've probably not been much help- just trying to think of some things you can try....

Hope it gets better soon
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edit: sorry just saw your spd comment so long walks are out! Another suggestion- have you any friends or relations who could take her for you for a few hours a few times a week- especially if she's being like this. I doubt she'd do it to them and it might diffuse the situation. Mel has never hit, scratched or pushed anyone but me and is a little angel when out with others! He also got into the habit of enjoying watching me get angry about the scratching so in the end me shouting louder and louder at him did no good and just egged him on- when I just scooped him up calmly and put him somewhere to calm down (counting to 10 in my head so I didn't lose it!) then he lost interest quicker although it's very hard to remain cool when you're being hurt by them I know.

 

[Rosebay]

Actually, having thought some more about this I reckon Fiona has hit the nail on the head, she's probably very frustrated about not being able to communicate. We went to sing and sign classes and loved them but actually he started talking very early anyway and only signed when he said the words rather than signing fisrt. His best friend Megan signed for ages until she spoke and her mum thinks it really helped with her frustration so I think that's probably worth a go. If you can't get to classes then there is a DVD which frankly has most of it on anyway. It's like a class anyway so if you sit and pretend you're there and both join in it's not far off a class. the woman gives my husband the creeps but babies seem to be facinated by her!

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