I feel all alone ...

[Cathrine]

Hi everyone - I'm very new here.

My husband and I are expecting a baby in Febuary 2017. I'm originally from Denmark, but we live in the states as my husband is American.
This is our first child and we recently moved state, so I'm without healthcare until August 1st and I have yet to have a proper first pre natal exam - I was checked out at a local hospital 2 weeks ago and all looked fine. But I'm very scared.
I lost my job and don't know how we are going to make it at the moment. I don't know anyone in this new city and my husband does not seem to understand how scared I am since this is the very first time I've ever been pregnant (his first pregnancy too).

I have no idea what to expect and spend most of my day crying and considering adoption or worse, since I feel like I'm alone with this child. Please... I just need someone to talk to about baby stuff - make me at least be a little excited and happy, since my first hand experience with pregnancy is sorrow and desperation.

I'm sorry for the rant, but I'm thousands of miles away from anyone I know ...

 

[babylove2016]

I'm not PG but didn't want to read and run. First thing is first - you are NOT alone. This forum is a fabulous place so well done for joining. Lots of mummies will be along shortly to make you feel better about things. Try shrugging your shoulders - honestly it helps - the universe works in magical ways and you WILL be fine, with or without a job- you'll figure it out. xx

 

[Blueclass]

Hi sorry to hear your feeling so down. You may not be excited yet but when you see Bubba dancing around on the screen you will be so excited. Iv just had my first baby 4 weeks ago and it's so amazing she is perfect and makes funny faces when doing a poo ect. Can you not go and buy a few bits for baby or start looking? Do you have groups you could join, maybe look at fb for a group. You are not alone. As your finances it's never a good time to have a baby but somehow we just manage. Your be fine your get there hun x

 

[Cathrine]

Thank you for your lifting words, ladies - it does help!
I think that my husband and I are going to separate - I just can't feel like this any more. He drives me to the ground when I'm already down, and I don't want baby to see that.
I can't wait to see the scan - the first real scan of baby. See him moving! It's gonna be great with or without dad.

 

[KateK]

Oh darling I can imagine how you feel.. Make yourself at home here because there are some amazing women ready and willing to help and chat! It's a scary and overwhelming time for anybody, let alone when your relationship is in doubt and you're so far away from home.. Loneliness is a terrible thing (I feel lonely too a lot of the time). Are you in contact with family? I know it's not the same as seeing them, but just a familiar voice is lovely to hear when you're down. I hope everything picks up for you, and congratulations on your little ray of sunshine xxx

 

[Blueclass]

Hey have tried talking to someone as a couple? Will you stay in America or will you go ho.e? Must be so hard for you but as we said you're not alone xxx

 

[northerngirl]

I was in the exact same position as you when I fell pregnant.
I had just moved to Germany to be with my partner, I had no job, no friends, no health insurance, first pregnancy and was in a really bad state. It's the hardest thing in the world to be without friends and family at a time like this as they're the ones that give you the excitement and encouragement.
You're doing so well and reaching out to people is the best thing you can do right now.
I would definitely recommend starting to search for local groups you could join, your doctor might have some information on antenatal groups or something similar? If not facebook is always good for searching for that sort of thing.
If you want to talk about it any more feel free to send me a private message 'cos I know how consuming the isolation can feel. But you're not alone xo

 

[MrsB2105]

Same as all the other ladies have said, look in the pregnancy part of the forum to speak to people due around the same time as you there is usually a feed in each trimester for the month you are due, it will give you some common ground and you will have something in common with the ladies in there.

And don't be afraid of asking questions even if they are silly as we all try and help each other out on here

I hope with all my heart that things work out for you x

 

[Blueclass]

Hey just wanted to see how your feeling today? Hope your doing ok and started looking at groups you could join x

 

[Sparklegirl]

Congratulations on bubba. I cant offer much help because I am not pregnant and cant imagine how frightening your situation is but I wanted to just say you are in the right place. There are so many lovely ladies (and some gents too) here to talk to and there is always someone on here to talk to. Sometimes the best thing we can do is to be there to listen and offer a distraction- I can do both of these, feel free to message me if ever you want to chat even if its about thinking in particular

 

[ruby2015]

Hello, hope you're feeling ok. Just to say that having a baby is actually the most helpful thing if you're trying to get used to a new town- people are so much more open and friendly- you will make so many friends before and after the birth from prenatal classes and baby/mummy classes etc. Also babies aren't that expensive really- buy as much as poss second hand (loads of my stuff including clothes has come from eBay and I'm really happy with all of it) and just treat yourself to a few brand new things every now and then. It's lots of fun!
Re your husband try not to make a rash decision- remember that your hormones will be all over the place right now and you might feel better in a few weeks. It's also a huge step for a man and my husband went a bit AWOL at first when we found out we were expecting. Hopefully yours can worry about the financial side of things so you can just focus on growing your lovely baby and working out how life will work once he/she is here.
Finally, I am a February mummy! My baby was born 25th Feb this year and is now 4 1/2 months- I am having the most amazing time with him and so many things are a million times easier than I expected! I don't think I saw a midwife until mid-August so don't worry about your healthcare not being active yet. I hope you settle into your new home soon and that you make lots of mummy friends.
Xxx

 

[Cathrine]

Thank you for all the encouraging posts - it does really help!
I just can't help but being so scared. Everyone seems so happy when they find out they're pregnant and just go totally crazy baby shopping and all that - I don't even know what birth entails ... I feel so unprepared and my newly purchased insurance doesn't kick in until 1st of August, so I can't get a proper pre natal exam until 12 weeks! That also scares me a lot. What if baby is not ok?
I don't know if I'm ready for this - I feel like I'm doing this along, like my husband doesn't care at all. I don't want him to just be a paycheck - I want him to be involved. I have seriously considered adoption or even abortion as I just walk around and cry all the time. But is it just hormones ? I had a severe depression before pregnancy and I feel like it just got worse. I don't even have doctor to talk to.

 

[Blueclass]

In England you don't get seen until around 10 weeks and then it's just vlood test ect and a scan at 12 weeks so actually your not to far behind. Have you told your husband how you feel about abortion and adoption. That might make him realise how hard you are finding it.
Hormones are going to be all over the place but honestly it will get better the 1st tri is rough x

 

[Rhiandell]

I just want to say I have some idea of how you feel. I'm from Sweden and moved to the UK last year. While my situation is very different, being pregnant in a strange country is daunting. You suddenly realise you have no idea what will happen and when, all the things you took for granted growing up and seeing other people around you be pregnant and have babies is different. Recommendations about food varies between countries, the number of appointments and their schedule is different. Just remember that you are not the first one in this position. There's loads of forums and web pages out there where you can get support and meet others in similar situations.
Remember that the "third sector" in the US is very big. Look for local charities supporting new parents or expats. Take this as a chance to get to know people.
Personally I plan on joining as many parent group as I can, and take classes and stuff, just for the chance to make friends.
Hang in there sweetie, it will get better. *hugs*

Sent from my SM-G850F using Tapatalk

 

[KateK]

This is heartbreaking Cathrine I can sense how much you're struggling.. As Blueclass said in the UK we have no idea how our babies are until 12 weeks either so please don't stress about being behind on care.. All you can do at this point is take a folic acid supplement and try and look after yourself. Does your partner realise how serious your concerns are? Maybe he's all consumed in what he's doing and just hasn't looked up for a while.. He must love you, I am sure if he realised the extent of this he'd be mortified. Your thoughts about adoption and abortion are understandable seeing as you're having such strong feelings of doubt, but it doesn't seem like you're in your usual headspace at the moment having been through depression so don't make any rash decisions. I don't want this to sound patronising because I know it's bit cliche, but have you thought about taking up a hobby? Keeping your hands busy with a craft can be incredibly therapeutic and a great distraction.. Painting, crochet, paper cutting, making something out of wood.. Get on Pinterest and get inspired! It can boost your self worth and it keeps your brain busy. Also have you tried mindfulness/yoga? I am not a particularly spiritual person but I know so many people who benefit from (and probably couldn't get through the day without) a few mindfulness exercises. I really hope things get better for you soon.. I can only imagine the turmoil you're going through. You need human interaction - it is essential. Break out of your comfort zone and go and find some groups, meetings, volunteer at a shelter, sit in a coffee shop and watch the world go by. Sending all my love, Kate xx

 

[Cathrine]

The dad heard the heartbeat tonight ... He didn't seem to care much. I'd much rather do this on my own - this is not worth it any more. I didn't even want this to begin with - I can't find another way to deal than being with a person who doesn't care about my kid.

 

[MrsB2105]

how did you feel about hearing the heart beat?

I'm sorry that he doesn't seem to care ... Sometimes men don't adjust to the baby thing until the baby is here or they see it on the ultrasound scan. I seriously hope that is the case in your scenario x

 

[KateK]

I'm sorry Cathrine, that must have been hard. As MrsB said, some men just don't get it. Mine doesn't, and at first it hurt my feelings but now I just have to appreciate that he doesn't get excited by the idea of a baby. Once it is in his arms, it will most likely be a different story. If, however, he is adamant that he doesn't care about your baby and he is failing to support you emotionally, well then you just have to do what is best for you. It's your life, your body, your baby. I'm so sorry you're going through this but you have options and you can get help. Continuing to wish you all the best xx

 

[Blueclass]

How far are you to hear the heart beat? As others said some guys don't get excited until the baby is here. You need to decide what you want and what's best for you. If he makes you unhappy then maybe leaving would be better. You can then focus on you and your baby. This forum is a great support and there are plenty others so you won't be alone. X

 

[Cathrine]

I don't know that he doesn't care - he just really seems to care about so many other things than our little bean. It's our first child and I just feel like he should be excited ..
We have a bit of story where I kind of feel like he never really ... This is gonna sound stupid .. But .. He never treated me like a princess. I had to take care of us for a long time, we just got married at the courthouse and never had a real wedding even though we kind of promised each other .. We don't have wedding bands, even though that's always been important to me ... He never even went down on one knee to propose .. So I sort of felt that this was his way to retribution, you know ?