I could cry! In fact I am crying!

[stephttc]

I'm so annoyed with my husband!

We've organised a meal out with friends at Christmas - him knowing how hard I've found being in company since the mc knows that I didn't want to have a big night out and just close friends I can bear to be around ....

And he goes and invites friends who got caught just before us and announced their fabulous news to us right in the middle of my mc! I just feel like my nose is being rubbed in it! What a fabulous night I'm going to have with two pregnant friends talking about how wonderful being pregnant is!

The lump in my throat is the size of an apple and my husband will be home from work shortly and I need to vent before he takes the wrath!!! Xx

 

[Princess81]

I'm sorry Hun. Could you sit and discuss it with him? Explain how it will make you feel? X

 

[stephttc]

I've told him and he just can't understand where I'm coming from!

I feel like I make one step forward and with his help and knocked 3 steps back! I don't think he realises how much it still hurts me and just carries on as normal xx

 

[Princess81]

It's very different for some men - when I had my miscarriage my o/h was of the opinion that "these things happen" but I was devastated. I'm not sure how you can make him understand. Xx

 

[stephttc]

Maybe it's just me! Maybe I'm just being really selfish!

Is it normal to feel like this or am I being totally irrational - If it is normal how Long does it last and if its not then how do I stop it xxx

 

[Princess81]

No of course not. Having a mc is horrible! The difference is I think that you were a mummy from the minute you got your bfp, dads often don't feel it until they see baby born.
There's no set time for the healing process I'm afraid. I got pregnant again soon after and I still cried on my original due date even though I was 7 months pregnant with my son by then. You need to allow yourself time for your heart to start to heal, no one can guess how long it'll take x

 

[Nat28]

Arghhh sorry to here this steph, i do think men dont fully understand my oh the same he seems to have forgotten it ever happend, altho deep down i no hes not, but hes just carried on like normal, where as me, cant be arsed with xmas one bit thinking it should of been different, and seeing pregnant people or babies just brings it all back, my stupid boss at work was blarting on today about how she carrys well(shes 6 months pregnant) she knows what happened to me, felt like saying do you want to rub it in anymore you silly cow!!! I just think men dont see it our way they never went through it physically like we did, so they dont see nothing wrong doing silly things like announcing peoples pregnancy and that! Xx

 

[Lozzaste]

It's as hard as hell. I know. Thinking of you xxx

 

[Harpy]

Firstly, you are not being selfish at all. We all deal with it differently, and if you don't feel like socialising with your pregnant friends, then you shouldn't be made to - Just tell him how you feel and why. Men do really sometimes need things spelling out to them.

I mc on the 14th of November, and my other half is hassling me to either 'allow' his folks round here, or for us to visit them. I was annoyed with them for forcing my OH to confirm I was pregnant, and then telling people our bfp news without asking us (at 8 weeks pregnant!) and didn't want to see them as I was angry. Now I still refuse because I am even more angry and upset as to how it turned out. He can keep on at me as much as he likes, but I won't see anyone until I am ready, and thats that.

If I had pregnant friends, I don't think I would want to be sitting talking to them either - Not because I wouldn't be happy for them, but I couldn't hold a conversation about babies or pregnancy without feeling empty and, well, pretty bloody shitty!

I hope you can get it through to your hubby that you are not ready, and unless he wants a scene, you had better stay indoors! Hugs xxx

 

[Samsgirl]

I'm probably going to put a cat amongst the pigeons here but I dealt with things by getting out and about and talking to as many friends as possible. If I stayed in I felt more sad. So getting 'back to normal' really helped me come to terms with things. At first I wanted to shut myself away but my hubby and my friends encouraged me to get out and about and it really helped. Once I talked to friends, I was amazed how many had suffered losses and then equally how many had gone on to have healthy babies. Made me realise I had done nothing wrong and it really was just one of those things. Don't get me wrong, I was devastated and I will always think of little baked bean.... But I now have Hannah and all that worry of it would never happen.... Well, it did and it will for you. I promise.
Good luck and here's to lots of sticky beans in 2013 xxx

 

[katyloumc]

I went through a mc 2 weeks ago, on the day it happened I had already arranged for a meal with my best friends. I still went and i'm glad I did I talked about it and they have all been through losses and most of them now have children. I'm glad I went because it meant I would have sat by myself all day and cried, I had an exam the following day that i nearly didnt go through with but i went (dont think i would have passed though!) and I was back at work straight after as much as I felt like punching eveyone who even talked to me. But i'm glad i done all of those things because I feel like I could take my mind of things to a certain extent.

It really deeply upsets me thinking about it and how empty how I feel but my friends were very sensitive about it and made me smile which is what you may need. Please dont take it out on your OH he may be just trying to get you to smile again xxxxx

 

[cosmicgirl]

I'm with the other ladies, it helped me to get out and enjoy myself with friends. Moping at home just dragged me down further, so I got out there and it really helped xx

 

[JJ Mum]

Once you get the first event, or meet with these ladies , you will find it easier, even if it hurts at the time. It will be hard, but you can't hide from it forever, It will help your road to emotional recovery, as putting it off will only delay this, unfortunately there will always be a pregnant lady round the corner sharing their good news, they don't mean to cause hurt , they just won't know about your loss XXX

 

[ChloeSmith]

Oh hun I'm so sorry, 2 of my best friends announced their bfps 1 month before my mc and they've both got full bumps now. I'm so happy for them but it brings a lump to my throat when I think of them.

I hope you feel better in time and that the meal turns out ok. Hope you have a happy Christmas x x

 

[stephttc]

I do agree with you and have been going out with other groups of friends And my cousin and having a really nice time! The problem I have is that its not all friends that I'm struggling to socialise with - its those I deemed as my closest friends (bridesmaids even) that are the most insensitive - comment like the following is what I have to listen to from them

'Just think, you were lucky you even got caught'
'You need to just forget about it and move on'
'All you need to do is relax (coming from somebody who got caught first time trying)'
'It was only early on so wasn't really a baby'

I think that's the problem - easy for pregnant women who have never suffered it to offer advise that is a load of old tosh xxx

 

[Nat28]

I understand where your coming from with the comment i got all them aswell from pregnant people also got just put it down to experience?! Its not a bloody job interview or sumet! Experience sumet i would rather not of experienced the daft bat! Shes 5 month pregnantx

 

[stephttc]

Lol nat you make me laugh!

How's it home today? Xx

 

[stephttc]

'Gone' stupid phone!!! People on here must think I can't spell with all the typos in my posts x

 

[Daisy2011]

Hope you are feeling a bit brighter. Its devastating to loose a baby no matter how early it is. Its the crushing of a whole future that opened out for you and people are idiots about it when they just either havent expereinced it or are just cold on the inside. It really separates who your real freinds are.

Its hard to watch the ladies around you be pregnant and have their babies and cope with your grief and crushed hopes and dreams. and at the same time be happy for them.

Good luck I hope that things get easier.
x Daisy

 

[stephttc]

Thanks Daisy!

I spoke to a counsellor as I started to think that I was loosing the plot and was told its totally normal! I've decided that I'm going to have a nice relaxing week on the run up to OV and not do a lot of work and enjoy finnishing off my book! I'm reading a fab romantic novel 'last letter from your lover' in the hope it will make me feel less aggressive towards my husband lol xxx (he's not that bad really)