Hushed mc

[Rayxxx123]

Is anyone finding it annoying how hushed misscarriage is, i came across a facebook page earlier called misscarriage and pregnancy loss and i wanted to press i like it so i can get all the posts come up on my newsfeed but then i thought everyone on my friends list will see it and know. I wouldnt even care but its the thought of people thinking its attention seeking maybe i just dont like the way its like a secret and then if people ask why i havent been out for ages or why are you so moody i just wanna say well i had a mc. People are so awkward about it i just dont see why it has to be this way,my oh agrees about it too. I just know it would
Make me feel better if people understood better as i feel like ive got some
Shameful secret or something. Sorry for my rant doing alot of thinking today x

 

[Iwant3]

I completely know what you mean! Why cant you tell people your pregnant until after 12 weeks in case you have a mc cos then when it does you dont have anyone to talk to about it and you have to act normally.in front of everyone so that they dont ask whats wrong.

Its like having something to be ashamed of!

 

[laurat]

I agree with you actually. It can beclike its a forbidden word and that its just not to be discussed. I obviously do not mean telling everyone and their aunty about it but do sometimes feel its so hushed and not spoken about that it makes people feel worse. If you have a terrible ill ess then folk share it with their closest people . I told all the people who were close to me as it ate me up for quite some time. It also helps others not to feel uncomfortable about the subject as you say how you feel first. I actually found it quite surprising how when you are more open that you find other people who have been through the same thing and you never even knew.

 

[Simoneh00]

I've always said this. I always say to oh, we're telling early cause if I miscarry I will need support from family and friends xx

 

[laurat]

I've always said this. I always say to oh, we're telling early cause if I miscarry I will need support from family and friends xx

Thats completely what I said this time. If something was to go wrong then the folk I had told were the ones I would have needed support from if it happened again. Its mot sonething to be ashamed of!

 

[ChloeSmith]

I've always said this. I always say to oh, we're telling early cause if I miscarry I will need support from family and friends xx

This is how I feel too xx

 

[Katkin72]

Hi Rayxxx123 I have a link to 'Unspoken Grief' on my Facebook page which I added after my 1st mc. I didn't do it as I was attention seeking, I just wanted to acknowledge my loss and grief (to myself, not to anyone else). I don't know if any of my friends have seen it on my Facebook but if they have, nobody has ever mentioned it. Yes, it is a very personal thing that is often swept under the carpet as people don't know how to react or respond to your grief. I am fortunate (??) that friends at work knew I was pregnant early on and I asked a good friend at work to tell people when I had my (1st) mc as I was off for a month and didn't want lots of awkward questions when I returned. I have been overwhelmed by how many of my female colleagues and friends have been through the same thing, and they have been very supportive. I know I am lucky to have that support as often this isn't the case It's tragic that so many women go through this, and so sad that we often feel we can't talk about it if we want to. Oops, sorry for rambling - not sure if i'm even making sense, sorry! Sending you lots of love and hugs xxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

We didn't tell anyone I was pregnant the 2nd and 3rd time as I just couldn't face all the sympathy and concern.

Our families were amazing when I had my first loss BUT I wanted to keep it private.

I wasn't ashamed, I just didn't want people to worry or feel sad for me.

We didn't tell people about the recurrent m/c tests either.

I have since told a few friends but at the time only PF and one work colleague knew

With our successful pregnancy we had an early scan so told immediate family. We told everyone else after dating scan.

I think you just need to do what you feel is right and for me it was to keep it all very private.

xxxxxxx

 

[Katkin72]

Yes I agree Carnat, it is a personal choice whether you want people to know or not. I didn't tell many people about my 2nd - only close friends and family. I wouldnt necessarily have wanted everyone at work knowing about my 1st but it was easier in the long run as I was off work for a while afterwards and it helped explain why I kept breaking down in floods of tears and having to go home xxx

 

[BevG]

i told friends and family about both my pregnancies before 12 weeks. like it has been said if anything went wrong id want ppl to know and understand so they wouldnt think id suddenly become miserable for no reason. noone should have to hide something so painful and life altering just for other ppls sake, they shouldnt pity you they should sympathise and support you wether you want to cry, rant, scream, or just talk about it as every baby is important to its mummy, especially angel babies as you only have them such a short time.

 

[Rayxxx123]

Thanks for all the comments Glad im not the only one thinking this! If i make it to 8 weeks next time and have a scan i will be sharing it on facebook. Ive always been told keep quiet till 12 weeks but this time definatly changed my feelings me an oh want ppl to no wats happend like he said ppl will post about someone dieing on there well a baby dying is no different. I told all family and a few friends with this 1 , was more quiet with the firsti can definatly see why some people would want to keep it quiet as carnat said. But for me i would find it alot easier if everyone who knew me knew id misscarried so they would know why im miserable. I just wish it was more understood by other people cos so many of us suffer silently to spare other peoples awakwardness on te subject. Also i agree about when u talk
About ur mc people say theyve had one too , there were 4 nurses and a midwife at the hospital telling me there storys it really helped me feel im not alone which is why i think it should
Be more out there. I think we should be proud of ourselves for being so strong and actuslly going through this rather than feeling we arent alowwed to talk about it. Im rambling on now ! Xxxx

 

[jojo3972]

I have told ppl straight away even with my 2 losses but the second one I seen a hb at 7 weeks so thought I was safe huh how wrong was I, next time I won't be telling loads of ppl just my older kids and my mum n mil n that is it , on fb everyone k ows what happened and I often post angel pics and poems etc I'm also a member of a few mc groups on fb too they are private n secret so no one can see a thing n that's how I like it mc is such a taboo and it's wrong xx

 

[Kaffee]

Agree. Got really cross yesterday as friends of ours had been broken into at home and everyone was sending them "thinkin of you" posts on Facebook. Whilst at the same time I was miscarrying our baby at 11 weeks. Posted a "life sucks sometimes" message and just had a single friend saying "chin up" - not that I need everyone's sympathy, but its been a major part of my life for a few months and now its gone. I wonder what makes us in society keep it behind closed doors?

Ive told more people than I'd planned to, just couldn't hold it in, so now going to have to have the "we lost it" conversation. Next time (fingers crossed there is one) I'm only telling sis and mum/dad as they've been fab support, oh plus my boss, glad I told him as it was much easier to text to explain why not in work.

 

[Rayxxx123]

So sorry for your losses i know we would feel so much less alone if people could just talk
about it this forum and all u ladies have been massive support and are helping me through the bad days and knowing theres alot of us feeling the same is so helpful. Just need understanding in day to day life too xx