just expressin, reply if wanted

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by shamarra, Apr 12, 2005.

  1. shamarra

    shamarra Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2005
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi
    im 18, im not pregnant, but i do want a child, i fell pregnant a year ago, but i had a misscarriage, my mum n sister kept pressuring me into having an abortion, and i think that the stress bought the misscarriage on, im not blaming my mum or sister, my mum fell pregnant when she was 16 and had a misscarriage also, so i know that she was only looking out for me, my dad never knew, i didnt want to tell him till i knew what i wanted to do, its a really hard decision when ure faced with it. i still cry sometimes when i think about it, i could have a child right now, that would be 4 months old.
    my bf and i really want a child now, but know we have to wait. if i did fall pregnant, i would be so happy, but at the same time, my mum and dad would be so dissapointed. and i dont want that, its just confussing sometimes.
    sorry its so long :)
     
  2. Louise

    Louise Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi Shamarra,

    So sorry to hear that you miscarried. I miscarried 6weeks ago so totally understand the emotional trauma and physical pain you've been through.

    Unfortunately miscarriage is a VERY common occurence - especially with your 1st pregnancy ........ though I know from experience that the stat's don't make you feel any better at the time!!!

    I have an older sister who never wants children & a younger brother who's not in a relationship, so as well as dealing with the recent miscarriage itself - I also had an underlying feeling of guilt........ that I'd let my parents down, being as I'm the only one in the family likely to give them grandkids in the near future. BUT when it comes down to it - when I do fall pregnant again, it'll be because me & hubby want a family and not because my parents are itching to be grandparents.

    My point - sorry for waffling, there was a point to my message - I guess is that whatever you do, it should be for you & your partner only. Yes - you are young, and I'm sure your mum wants the best for you, but no one but yourself can know what's best for YOU!!!

    Good luck with whatever your decide.
     
  3. shamarra

    shamarra Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2005
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    hi lou,
    i never talk about all this stuff with my bf, we both just get too upset. :( anyway, i know that when we have kids it will be for both of us, i just dont want it to be an accident, otherwise i wont know what to do. thats sounds weird i know. sometimes i think that maybe i was wrong when i thought i was pregnant, and i went through all this for nothing, but i think i think that to kinda..... i duno, its weird, everything is.
    my love and thoughts are with you all the way, im very sorry about your baby, but (this might not make you feel better now) in a year or so, it wot seem so bad, and things happen for a reason, im set to believe, we will both have other children, and love them so much.
    this might sound weird, and not make sense, but i think that when i have a child, it will be the one i was going to have, coz it was ment to be, sounds stupid i know.

    oh this has absolutly nothing to do with this, well it kinda does. ok.... lemme think..... ok, im glad that i never thought of a name, i was going through names but never actually come up with one (this does kinda have a point) coz i cant even name a dog with the same name as my old one, i feel like it would be betrayal kinda think, i think about that sometimes....
    i need more coffee, i am off to work today and am not making sense.
    well i hope to hear from you again..

    xoxo
     
  4. L

    L Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2005
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    0

    a miscarriage is never easy.believe i know i had just turned 19 when i had gotten pregnant and i was so scared to tell my mom but to my surprise she was excited to be a grandma (i hope you know your parents will always be there for you no matter what !there your parents thats what they are for)any ways i was a week away from delivery when my husband and i found out our son was dead (the cord was'nt attached anymore why i dont know! :cry: )I know how hard it is not have youor baby anymore ! its been about a year and a half since it happend and we are now trying again even though my mom still tells me to wait and make sure my life is on track! well i guess what i am trying to say is if you know your going to be with your boyfriend for the rest of your life and you both feel you are ready and can handle and afford a baby then go for it ,cause your parents will always love you no matter what! but if you have any doubts than maybe hold off there is a whole lot of time a head of you!

    good luck, if you ever need to chat just write!


    L
     
  5. shamarra

    shamarra Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2005
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    its been a couple a weeks since i been on here, thank you for all you're kind words, i cant remember getting you're reply L. i dont think i can ever imagine losing my baby a month before birth. and i hope it never happens. My partner wants to propose to me early next year, so thats when we might try for a baby, or maybe after we get married, what would be best :)
    its been so weird these past weeks. some friends just told us thata thier having anothe baby, there youngest is 5 months, unborn would be there 4th, dman they need to settle down, and some friends i knew from school are either pregnant or have kids, its so amazing how many teenagers have kids. my partners sister fell pregnant when she was 16. but her son is so gorgeous, hes 2 this year. i love him like a nephew. it was so sweet the other week, im now aunty shamarra. i already have like 6 neices, but i hardly ever see them.
    ok well i've blabbed on about nothing, thank you all for the kind words, i hope that you are all well.
    xoxo
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice