Husbands possible disappointment

[Kaylip29]

Hi all,

Me and my husband are expecting our 2nd baby, both very excited after trying for 6 months. I'm currently 10 weeks.

My husband has been VERY open about the fact he really hopes baby is not a girl. He keeps saying things like 'Obviously I'll love the child either way, but I won't be happy if it's a girl'. We've had a few arguments about it, I keep telling him to stop mentioning it as I can't change the outcome and it's getting me anxious. He says it makes no sense for us to have a girl as we already have a boy in a 2 bed house, and also, that he has no clue how to look after a girl.

I guess I'd just like to know if anybody has experienced similar with their partner, and if so, how things turned out after baby arrived?

Thanks x

 

[Donna88]

I'd definitely find out at the 20 week scan if I were you as it will give him time to get over any shock and come to terms with having a girl if that's what you are having.

He's being very disrespectful though and these are things that he should have voiced while you were trying and not after you got pregnant. If he doesn't think you should have a girl in the house you live in then he should have said that as a reason not to try for a second as like you say you can't change the outcome. I really don't understand how he can say it makes no sense to have a girl, it sounds almost as if he thinks talking it through like that will have an affect.


You really need to sit him down and explain that you will be having whatever you're having and he needs to get his head around the fact that it may be a girl. When it comes to not knowing what to do, I'm sure there was a point where he didn't know what to do with your son but he soon learnt, girls and boys are really not that different. As for the house, if you're having a girl maybe you'll have to look at either moving to a bigger house or putting an extension on the house.

 

[TORino]

I was going to say maybe it’s best you don’t find out..as he’s surely really unlikely to be disappointed when you’ve given birth and your baby is in your arms?

I really wanted a boy this time. Desperately. So not my husband but me, though I think he did secretly. I think finding out at the birth was best but we were lucky our baby was a boy. Gender disappointment is a real thing.

 

[GBLiz]

with our first my then-very-immature husband said it better be a boy, if not its going back in and he'll inject me with testosterone til its a boy...(yes he did say that!)

found out at 20 week scan it was a girl, he jumped up and whooped and was over the moon. ......weird huh?

i didnt want to be in the position of giving birth and immediately feeling like i had disappointed him.....

if you find out and it is a girl he can start to look at the positives and i have no doubt that while he may need to get his head around it, in time he will have no disappointment at all.....

 

[Kaylip29]

Thank you for the advice ladies, I'm very much in agreement about finding out the sex. We are actually having an early scan at 16weeks as we did with our son. I guess I was just looking for reasurence that others have felt this way and it hasn't effected the future relationship with the child. I just worry that he won't have the same, lovely close relationship he has with our son. I guess what will be will be, and we will find out either way in 6 weeks! Either way....I'll be over the moon xx

 

[KHTW]

Honestly I don't know what I'd do to my husband if he said something like that... I'd kick his ass!

Obviously you know him best and there must be a reason why you are worried he may not love this child as much as your boy, if the 2nd turns out to be a girl. I really hope this is not going to be the case. In fact I cannot imagine how a parent can love a child any less based on the gender.

I actually hope that what he said to you he says to other people and that somebody else will also tell him off for being stupid x

 

[Shepherdess]

It's funny when I hear of men being like this my automatic thought is "well I hope he has a girl". It really irritates me when men put pressure and guilt onto their wife as if there's anything they can actually do about it. That being said, I kinda had to eat my words as when I fell pregnant this time I really wanted another girl, I'm over joyed that I am expecting another girl and while I would have loved a little boy I would have needed time to come to terms with it so I do understand now that gender disappointment I'd real. Ask your oh to try and be a bit more sensitive and maybe suggest not mentioning it again until the scan if he can't be more positive

 

[GBLiz]

yeah, i did NOT want a boy so us women can be guilty of it too. my 2nd was a boy but i bonded with him instantly unlike with my daughter (altho i had been so happy to be expecting a girl) and by the time i was preg with 3rd i was a bit disappointed she was a girl as i was enjoying my boy so much....feelings about gender definitely change!! whatever your husband says now, guarantee he will feel silly about later if it turns out to be a girl cos he wont want it any other way after the fact

 

[Donna88]

I don't think it will effect his relationship with the baby, in a way what he is saying is coming from a practical point of view (with the house at least) if you're having a girl you'll just have to find away around that. I am sure he will go onto have a great relationship with your baby whatever the sex.

I've known women who really wanted girls and said they couldn't imagine having a boy who have had boys and had no problems what so ever. I personally have never known a man who has voiced that kind of opinion but obviously you hear about them all the time.

I suppose when most of us think of having a baby, we imagine one sex or the other... some people just imagine it more than others.

 

[JemRose]

My OH and I were desperate for a girl. We found out at the scan that we were having a boy. We both had a little initial disappointment purely through setting our hearts on a girl. I'm over the moon my baby boy is healthy and everything is going well. I'm now 29+5 and OH will still, rarely, say oh I wish we were having a girl or a comment along those lines. I'm so happy we found out at 20 weeks as it has taken a very long time for him to get over the fact it's not a girl, he's still not quite there but he is excited for our little boy and barely mentions a girl now x

 

[Juice]

For practical reasons it would have been easier if this baby was a girl (housing, we have a loft full of girls clothes lol) but I personally wasn't bothered either way. My husband has three girls and has never had any experience with boys. He's worried he won't know what to do with him, and I'm worried he'll struggle to bond. However after suffering a loss at 23 weeks in 2016, we were just so relieved that the 20 week scan showed a healthy baby, that when she told us it was a boy we were both instantly ecstatic.

 

[_GG_]

Like KH... I'd kick his ass. Not for what he wants, but for the fact he keeps saying it to you.

Sit him down and tell him you can't change how he feels but can he please shut the fuck up around you as he's making you feel like shit and a potential disappointment. Then remind him he only has himself to blame for the sex of the baby anyway as sex is determined entirely by the fathers DNA.

After that, also remind him of the saying, "mummy's boy, daddy's girl". That little boy he is so close to now will most likely end up all about you and if you have a little girl...she will most likely be all about to start with but then totally fall for dad and he'll be powerless to resist.

But still...kick his arse and remind him whatever you get is thanks to him.