Husbands ex has had a baby born sleeping

[Nicnax]

Hello all,

I have no idea where to post this, & I desparately don't want to upset anyone, but my husband & I have received some awful news that has really unsettled me. I am after advice, really, if anyone has experience this, or heard of similar.

I am 34 weeks pregnant with my first, & my husbands ex partner was about 4 weeks ahead of me, with her fourth (her first is my husbands son). We heard last week, when he went round to collect his son for his normal visitation, that his ex had been taken into hospital to deliver her baby, which it seems, had passed away the day before. Tragic enough news, but unfortunately, it has got a lot worse. My hubby had sent a text to his ex, saying that he hoped she was okay, & to let him know if his son wanted to see him, which he didn;t ever get a response to. It turns out, that his ex is now in a coma, following some kind of reaction to the drugs used to induce her labour.

This is obviously absolutely horrific news. My husband & his ex didn't have a great relationship, but he was very upset by the news, & (although I have never met her), so am I.

Now, selfishly, I am starting to feel very unsettled, & nervous. I think it's mainly because we don't know the full story, but I am starting to worry about what has happened, & why. I am starting to worry about my own baby, & if I happen to need an induction of labour. I feel horribly self-centred thinking any of this, & donlt want to talk to hubby about it, & don't feel it is right for me to discuss it with my friends or family, as it seems like gossiping.

I am absolutely petrified of seeing my hubby's son, as he is apparently (obviously) distraught. I have no idea what to say, & if he will somehow resent me for being pregnant. I am also worried that it is going to completely freak me out. I obviously need to know what is going on, & part of me wants to know the full story, but the other part of me wants to bury my head in the sand, & pretend none of it is happening.

I really wouldn;t want to upset anyone on here by posting this, so I sincerely hope that this is not the case, & apologies if this does upset anyone.

I guess I am feeling a bit silly by being affecyed by something that has happened to someone I don;t know. I guess it just feels very close to home, & I'm not quite sure how to process this information.

Thanks for reading- it feels better just having put it into words.

 

[Linny1989]

Oh hun of course its going to worry you, it would worry me to being s close to labour. I was induced and went fine. there are soooo mnany people out there that get induced and are fine. its just one of things unfortunately. i really hope she gets better and i feel for her son. if you want to pm me and talk you can xxx

 

[Nicnax]

I am a pretty rational person, & I know plenty of people that have had successful inductions- I guess it's juts not knowing the full story.

It's just such an awful situation, & I really don't know how to react, & I am honestly dreading seeing his son.

 

[clairem1980]

What an awful situation for you all. Although your DH hasn't had a great relationship with his ex this has clearly upset all of you understandably.
Being pregnant yourself and not knowing the full story you are going to panic. That's natural.
Your concern for your DHs little boy is obvious from your post. He might be upset that you are pregnant - he might worry that something similar might happen, he might be upset why this has happened to his mum. You will know how to be with him when you see him, he will just need the love and support that you and DH can give him.
Lets hope his Mum makes a full recovery x

 

[BabyBrain]

Oh hun hearing anything like that will unsettle you, especially as it's so close to you. I think you need to talk to your mw or gp, they might be able to shed some light on it and put your mind at rest a little. Any severe reaction to meds these days is rare, it sounds to me like she has been incredibly unlucky poor woman or it might all be tied in with why her baby died.

Try not to dwell on it although it's very hard. "Survivors Guilt" is very real and your hormones won't be helping. Get to talk to someone who knows what they are talking about, but there's nothing wrong with talking to your mum/sister/best friend about it too, it's not gossiping it's just needing to vent your worries and releasing the pressure xxxxxxxx

 

[JJ Mum]

oh hun, I would feel the same in your shoes. I really hope she makes a full recovery, I would just try to offer support of the son, via your oh to the current carer of the son, as they must be going through hell at mo. You really can do nothing more than support oh and the little boy, let them guide you , you will know what to do as someone else has said, it may be the little boy is coping really well, kids are amazing, or has been sheltered from the full truth right now. Just being a playmate and temp distraction from normal life when hes there, will help no end..

This will have no link to your pregnancy , so please try not to worry, things like this do happen, fortunately , most pregnancys will result in a healthy baby at birth XX

 

[Nicnax]

Thanks for your kind qords ladies. Thankfully, his ex has now regained consciousness. We donlt know the full story, so we don;t know whether there will be any long-term effects, but she is awake, so that is the important thing.

Sadly, hubby is now completely panicking about me, & is really against my idea of giving birth in a midwife led unit. That is a small thing anyway, but it seems that he is now more nervous about it all than I am, which I guess is no surprise.

Thanks for the reassurance.

 

[JJ Mum]

Oh I'm glad his ex is ok, and understandible that oh will be more worried about you now, hopefully with time, he will be more at ease XX

 

[Mellymoomin06]

Massive hugs hun...what a scary thing to experience. xxx

 

[Doob]

What a horrible thing to happen I hope that she's continued to get better and that you're all ok? Also please don't feel bad for posting its completely natural for you to feel like you are x