how to tell sister i'm pregnant when she's having trouble

[canhardlywait]

I know this doesn't quite fit in this forum, but I thought it the best place for some advice. First a little background...I am 12 weeks pregnant. My sister is also about 3 months pregnant (though no one but our father is supposed to know- she lives in CA). I was waiting for 12 weeks (which was yesterday)to tell my sister. As I told my dad the news of my Dr. appointment he told me my sister had gone also to the dr.'s that day and it is likely the baby has down's syndrome but she won't know for sure for a few weeks - she's also had 3 prior miscarriages late in the 1st trimester. I would like to announce the baby to her (and soon the whole family will know anyway), but I don't want to be insensitive. WHat or how would you suggest. SHe is the type to get offended easily and I don't want to push her away.

 

[mdsremos]

This really is a difficult one and only you will know how your sister will react to the news. I had a situation where my SIL had suffered two early miscarriages and I announced we were pregnant and she was really nice about it but it played on my mind whether we did the right thing but then we miscarried as well so we became abit closer...not the best circumstances in the world bit it was something we could both relate to at the time. Anyway, as it happended we both announced we were pregnant again in the same month and went on to have healthy boys born 10 days apart.
Its one of those dilemas whereby if you dont tell her first then she may resent it whereas you will feel guilty either way...Goodluck and I hope your sister is okay!

 

[libs]

When I found out I was pregnant, my aunt (who i was v v v close to) had just had a miscarriage. I worried myself to death about how I'd tell her, but she simply said "That's great. I lost my baby not your baby, and it makes no difference to me." She actually got pregnant within weeks - so we went through it together
One of my sisters had a miscarriage a year ago or so. She has always desperately wanted another child, but never tried as she's never been secure enough in a relationship (she suffered from postnatal psychosis last time so although she knows she can raise a child alone if needs be she worries about that and the effect on her other son so she needs a huge amount of support), it was an accident, but of course, once you find out all that goes through the window and you are happy about it.

When 2 of my other sisters found out they were pregnant not long after, they both visited her personally and told her before anyone else. When what happened to me recently happened - I made sure that I visited her alone to tell her. She was ok - although a little tearful - just as I was for years when I visited my new nieces and nephews and thought I had no chance of ever having another child. I enjoyed my new nephew much more because now I have hope

One thing my sister said really annoyed me though - and it might be worth bearing in mind for anyone else. She had actually only found out she was pregnant 2 days before m/c - she was about 8 weeks and she said to me - your's is different - after all you were only a little bit pregnant. I was lucky I didn't need any medical intervention (except the most thorough internal I've ever had afterwards - I didn't know you could get that far ) but I still felt devestated that after all the effort, my body let me down - not "It's my fault" but I had always looked at the TTC as the really difficult bit for us and not thought of anything else afterwards.

god this is sooooo long sorry