How do you ladies do it?

[Danielle98]

It's been my first month on ttc and we were unsuccessful first period in a while off the pill so not feeling too good either

I genuinely thought we did it, I got symptoms, I even had what I thought implantation bleeding 12dpo (Saturday) but the witch came this morning.

I have been so upset and feeling like a failure I don't know how I'm gonna be if it's like this every month, how do you ladies pick yourself back up to do it all again? I just feel like I'm a weak person, I went and bought pregnancy tests this morning and when I got home she arrived I just broke down and I feel stupid because it's only the first month of trying agh!

I was always super emotional on my first day of my period off the pill but I just feel 10 times worse. If anyone has any advice that would be greatly appreciated

 

[candymycandy]

You'd have to be extremely lucky to conceive your first cycle, we only have a 20-25% chance of conceiving each cycle. You also have to bear in mind our hormones may be a bit out of whack coming off the pill. You're not a failure, aside from knowing when your fertile period is these things are largely out of our control. It's hard but find things to distract yourself and make sure you and your oh are doing everything you can to look after your bodies while you're trying. Also try your very best not to go crackers symptom spotting, every month you'll probably think every twinge is a pg but it's just our bodies playing tricks a lot of the time! Fx you're not in here for too long but try not to get too disheartened in the mean time x

 

[holli]

I think we just learn to cope with it as every month for me is heart breaking when af shows especially when we think we have finally done it, me and oh have been trying a year and half now, we've been to see our doctor and he said 75% conceive in the first year and 90% of couples conceive in their second year of trying so I'm hoping we aren't trying much longer! Hopefully you catch that egg pretty soon but we are all here and know how you feel if you ever want to rant or talk good luck and just think of all the fun you and oh can have once you have finished your period, try not to make it a chore enjoy it and try and dtd every other day if you can then at least you will be covered xx

 

[Nicky78]

I'm 6 months in and I get upset each time I come on ☹️ I've had a couple of months where my body played tricks on me and I was 99% I was pregnant but sadly wasn't. I think the key is trying to not let it take over your life, this month I'm really trying not to think about it

 

[treetrunks]

I dont think there is an answer for the disappointment really, but I think you are in a great position of being early days and there is every chance you will conceive in the next year. There's no need to worry yet unless you have been trying a couple of years and are having no luck.
There are plenty of apps online and I find it useful to keep track of where I am and my symptoms, however I know after 2 years trying that potentially I will be disappointed.
I try and get into other things and try to plan for not being pregnant, so im not living just for the potential of conceiving. For instance I look at new jobs, career change ideas, house moves, health and fitness etc etc.
I also look at all the things I can enjoy and appreciate without a baby in tow, quiet romantic meals, visits to places that aren't child friendly, long interrupted spa days, impulsive nights away, full nights sleep, etc etc.
It's disappointing when af arrives and hormones dont help us but look after yourself and treat yourself to something you enjoy, I go a bit mad on gateaux recently haha.
Remember you're not alone, there are lots of us trying and not catching each month we're all here in the ttc forums!!
Good luck im sure you will catch soon xxx

 

[Mystery26]

Don't beat yourself up after just one month, it takes a while for most ppl to conceive I conceived after 1 month trying with my current partner but I lost that one then conceived again two months later. But I spent 11 years with my previous partner thinking I was broken because I never got pregnant. Sometimes you just need to relax and let things happen

 

[KHTW]

We were lucky as it took us only 4 months with our little girl but yes the first 3 times my period arrived I was very dissapointed. I think it's important to understand that it is very rare to get pregnant right away and it simply takes time. Just knowtl that you will get there xx

 

[BecaM]

You can see on my ticker below how long we've been trying. Some months are easier than others. I try not to symptom spot these days because it's easy to convince yourself you're pregnant only for AF to show. But it's so difficult, things seem to happen that you don't remember from your last cycle. Unfortunately nature can be extremely cruel, I was ok the first 6 months, then I had a miscarriage in October and now it's like an even bigger kick in the gut. But we're women, getting on with it it what we do and luckily on here we all support each other and are here for each other. You're never truly alone

 

[JulyBug]

As PP said, It's best not to symptom spot.. It's so easy to convince yourself every month that this is the month! And it only makes the disappointment worse.. the month I conceived (5th month) I had absolutely no symptoms and wouldn't have ever thought that I was pregnant! I never tested before AF was due as the negatives always brought me down too.. I hope you get your sticky bean soon! xx

 

[hellsbelle]

Symptom spotting is the devil lol, I've had months where I've built my hopes up and honestly thought it was the month and then af comes and you cry. It's a horrible, vicious circle.
It's so very difficult and you will experience different emotions, some months I cry, some months I give up hope and some months I just try to forget about it in general or I'd drive myself bonkers.
Like the others said, a month is nothing, you are only beginning and it's rare it happens first time round. You have to get into touch with your body, start working out when you ovulate, working out how often you want to bd, making sure you supplement etc to maximise your chances.
Is easier said than done, but relax!

 

[Carly89]

As PP said, It's best not to symptom spot.. It's so easy to convince yourself every month that this is the month! And it only makes the disappointment worse.. the month I conceived (5th month) I had absolutely no symptoms and wouldn't have ever thought that I was pregnant! I never tested before AF was due as the negatives always brought me down too.. I hope you get your sticky bean soon! xx

This is exactly the same as me JulyBug! same amount of time, and Zero symptoms.

Danielle, My advice to you, is try and keep occupied. Especially around the time AF is due. Make nice plans, eat out, meet up with friends. Don't shut yourself away because it's getting you down, that will only make you feel more down
Maybe do OPK's until your body is nicely adjusted from the time on the pill, it will also be a good indicator for you so you know when you are likely to be fertile. I used cheapies called one step OPK off Amazon, got 50 strips for about £6! Helped me narrow down my fertile days at least. I stopped using them in the months before i actually got pregnant though, as had become a bit obsessive. Try not to have pregnancy tests in the house, and avoid reading too much online. Every woman is different. It really is a very emotionally testing time, take care of yourself and try an remain as positive as you can x

 

[Danielle98]

Thankyou everyone for the advice it has honestly helped so much xx

 

[Ab202]

I was very fortunate and managed to conceive on our second month of trying. However, the first month was very difficult as I'd got all excited about ttc and was very upset and cried my eyes out when it didn't happen! So it's completely normal! I relaxed the second month of ttc and decided not to think about it much and just let it happen. I found myself a lot calmer about things, even managed to relax enough to go on a girls night out 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant, then was very lucky to have conceived! I can't imagine how difficult it must be for ladies who have been trying for a long time and I definitely count my blessings! Lots of baby dust to you and to all the other ladies who are ttc x