How do you cope?

Discussion in 'Long Term TTC & Fertility Issues' started by Sugarpop, Sep 1, 2016.

  1. Sugarpop

    Sugarpop Well-Known Member

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    How do you cope when someone informs you they are pregnant after barely spending any time trying or not even trying at all?

    I'm not sure what the proper response is other than 'congratulations'!

    I don't want to sound like a bitch but usually the first thing that comes in to my mind is that theyre pregnant and not me. Is it normal to feel so jealous after so long? I don't think its that I am unhappy for them necessarily, just more so that it makes me realise that yet again someone has beaten me to the posts after all this time?

    I was out for lunch with hubby today & he was saying how sometimes I get upset about the whole thing (I don't think I do, I get more angry and p*ssed off ha) & then (im not even joking) the waitress came over who was like 6 months pregnant and then people walked over to the next table with a 7month old and a 2week old! Like WTF for timing?!

    At that point I just looked at him and smiled lol
     
  2. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    I think it's totally normal. I hope so anyway as that's how I feel all the time and it's horrible!

    My sister was trying for 18 months but that didn't stop me bursting into tears when she told me she was pregnant. It wasn't that I wasn't happy - I just felt it should have been me...

    There's a girl at work who got pregnant straight away, miscarried (which of course was horrible), then got pregnant straight away again. She knows what I'm going through but didn't soften the blow in any way at all. Everyone else was asking how I was and said I was the first thing they thought of when the announcement email went around. It's good to know others understand.

    DH's cousin got pregnant by accident then got pregnant by accident again after she had the first! Even DH said it's just not fair...

    I think my worst point was last year, although I still find it difficult after failed cycles. Because I had a bout of depression, I try not to get to hopeful anymore. Getting my head around the fact I can't have children has helped me deal with other people's pregnancies (a little...).

    But you have hope. Xxx
     
  3. LadyE

    LadyE Active Member

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    I completely understand, my brother and partner are expecting. When they told me I was happy for them but once they left I burst in to tears and have felt so depressed and the green eyed monster has appeared which I hate! I want to be excited I'm going to be an aunt but all I can think is why not me.
    We do everything right, don't smoke, hardly drink, exercise. No reason has been found as to why we can't conceive which is so hard. If there was a reason and we could address it or at least accept maybe we never will.
    I feel in limbo like I can't move on or think about anything else until either it happens or we are told we never will.
    We have a family wedding next week which I'm dreading because it's going to be non stop baby talk plus the look people give you, but don't actually know what to say because no words really help.
    So you are not alone in these thoughts or feelings. Xx
     
  4. Mar_15

    Mar_15 Well-Known Member

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    Sometimes I wonder how it will feel when I get pregnant. If after all this time I won't really enjoy it because I'll be thinking about how other people who are ttc now must be feeling. I think also there's part of me that feels like having children is something other people do and not something I deserve.

    I think it makes me feel like a fraud when people tell me they're pregnant. Like they've caught me out wanting something that I shouldn't. Reminds me of how I felt at 14 when a friend would find out who I had a crush on.
     
  5. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    Oh Mar! You definitely do deserve it!

    LadyE - we are unexplained too (although I have some issues, apparently they shouldn't affect anything...) It's so frustrating!!!

    Stay positive - it will happen xxx
     
  6. MrsS15

    MrsS15 Well-Known Member

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    I'm completely with you ladies. Since unsuccessfully ttc I've discovered traits in myself I never knew I had - bitterness being way up the top of the line!!! My sil announced she's pregnant at 21 with her second accident. She doesn't have 2 pennies to rub together, is on off with the dad and smokes like a chimney. Where's the justice in that? Every pregnancy announcement I hear I feel another little bit of my heart has been torn away and I really struggle to cope. Since we've been trying I know some people pregnant with their second in that time. If I hear one more person say they had an accident or it happened first month I may just stick my head in the oven!!! That along with people complaining about the gender of the child :wall: ..... See what I mean when I get started???

    I really do hope it's normal otherwise I'm a terrible person!! Xx
     
  7. Sugarpop

    Sugarpop Well-Known Member

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    So happy it's not just me! When my SIL told us she was pregnant last year I didn't know what to say. Afterwards I was gutted. She never wanted children & then later told us the baby wasn't planned. It was like a kick in the stomach.

    I don't think it makes us bad, I just hope it makes us realise how much we want this and how long we've waited.
     
  8. PeanutButter

    PeanutButter Well-Known Member

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    Im so with your girls with this one. Im very jealous when it comes to pregnancy and babies! Since I started working, ive seen loads of pregnant woman and it's mages me so upset like, how do you get one but not me.
    There's a drunk lady that comes into the store quite often and I herd her talking with her friend that she found out she was pregnant, yet still had a can of fosters in her hand. It made me so fking angry. Never wanted to slap a customer before xD.
    When I had my first mc, my sister decided that it was the right time to tell me she had an abortion, and basically tried saying its worse than a mc.
    After a mc i refuse to go out incase i see a pregnant lady, and I'll just be in tears.
    When my cousin announced her pregnancy, I wasn't there but was so glad because she had the same due date as I did with mc. Think i would have had a break down.

    I think everyone trying feels jealousy and bitterness though. So your definitely not alone in this.
    I hope you'll be announing your pregnancy soon!! Hope the clomid works :) x
     
    #8 PeanutButter, Sep 2, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2016
  9. Syd43

    Syd43 Well-Known Member

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    There's the slight advantage to being so much older, none of my friends are getting pregnant now. Occasionally happens at work of course. I've got a family gathering in a couple of weeks and my cousin's new baby will be there. When I got pregnant a few weeks ago I thought "phew, I'll be able to enjoy seeing the baby" but now I'm miscarrying I'm absolutely dreading it.
     
    #9 Syd43, Sep 7, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2016
  10. PeanutButter

    PeanutButter Well-Known Member

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    Syd can you just say you can't go? I don't know how I'd cope in that situation... Probably get in the car and scream and cry and shout on the way home (if i haven't been to the loo to sob while there) :( I'm sorry sweetie. Xx
     
  11. Syd43

    Syd43 Well-Known Member

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    I honestly don't think I can, I agreed to it a few weeks ago when all was well and various arrangements have been made, it would be very tricky :(

    I've just got off a 12 hr flight where I had a 6 month baby next to me. Don't get me wrong, I have no objection to babies on flights, even if they scream the whole time (which she didn't) it just feels like the universe is kicking me when I'm down right now.
     
  12. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    Oh Syd :-( sometimes I feel like that too, what with my sister and then the girl at work (although I'm very excited about being an auntie now and she is due any day).

    I'm not sure I could cope with going either. When I had my chemical, all I wanted to do was be at home and if anyone had suggested I'd be around a baby or pregnant lady I probably would have punched them lol. I was teary enough as it was (think I was about 5.5 or 6 weeks by the time it passed). (I thought the FET hadn't worked but then had signs for a week or so - when it came to testing day the line wasn't strong so I always knew it wasn't a sticky.)

    Xxx
     

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