How do i make it fair????

[CH0C0H0LIC]

Situation is as follows:

1x 11yo son lives with us (my son from prev relationship but OH adopting next year so basically we mum AND dad, no birth dad around)

1x 8yo daughter lives with her Mum (OH's daughter)

1x 4wk old son lives with us (product of me and OH!)

Dilemma is do we buy same amount of pressies/spend same amount on all kids (and risk upsetting 11yo because daughter will then have more from her Mum so will be better off for pressies at Xmas) or do we spend/get slightly more for the boys knowing that daughter won't technically be losing out in the grand scheme of things (and if daughter comments about it explain to her that she's getting pressies from her 2 families)?

I'm thinking of the 2nd option but want your views as concerned it'll make me look like I've favouring the boys cuz they my children. I was thinking of dividing the boys pressies so they open some in the morning then some in the afternoon when daughter comes over.

Does that seem reasonable?

Sarah xxx

 

[tuck]

I can see where you're coming from on this but an 8 year old wouldnt understand the reasoning behind why your son got more presents than her from 'daddy' Personally i wouldnt be calculating how much you spend or buy them else you're buyng just for the sake of it. If there is something that both children have specifically asked for I would get that and then just some stocking fillers, regardless that the 'main' present may cost more than the other childs.

it is a good idea to maybe keep some presents for the afternoon, prehaps presents that are smaller and if you can from the same people to all the children???? or maybe do some tree presents or maybe a board game for each of the older children that you can then all sit down and play????

good luck whatever you decide to do

 

[aramintalovegrove]

What are you buying the 4week old? we have spent proportionally less on Esme as she doesnt have a clue yet, I dont feel guilty as it will all work itself out over the years.

Personally I would buy the other two around the same amount unless her Mum goes mental on prezzies.

I would think about when they will be opening the prezzis will it be together on xmas morning? If not and you were thinking of some more practical gifts e.g clothes for DS as helives with you, you could let DS open and put away these items before DD comes, although TBH you would have to be careful it didnt look like you were hiding them from DD

hope that makes sense!!

Im refusing to buy any little extras as DS has stuff from last year that he still hasnt taken from the box So there wont be visually as much this year for DS but I dont think he will notice on the day, im sure your kids will be happy what ever you decide.

 

[hennaly]

i personally would do the same for each of mine, whatever anyone else gets them is neither here nor there but they know we treat them all the same.

 

[Suzie and Faith]

Yeh I too would get them all the same amount (except maybe for the teeny weeny one)

xxx

 

[CH0C0H0LIC]

I think either option will upset one child or the other lol.

Daughters Mum I know is getting her a new bike amongst other stuff so even if I do lots of little pressies I know she'll get something 'big' on Xmas day.

Have got her an mp3 player as a main, but also little pressies as she wants to take stuff we buy home with her and then moans she is bored when she stays over!! She can take the mp3 player home but the little stuff can stay at ours so she has something to do here. Thats fair isn't it?

At least now the pressies we get her she actually knows they from us now, before OH gained contact he used to send pressies and Mum apparently used to re-wrap them and label them from Father Xmas!!

I'm cancelling Xmas next year.

BAH HUMBUG!!!!!!!

Sarah xxx

 

[Bloom]

I would spend the same on all three but at 8 years old she wont have any concept of money so maybe just have the same amount of pressies and i would spilt them so half in the morning and half in the afternoon when dd is there.

 

[aramintalovegrove]

I would spend the same on all three but at 8 years old she wont have any concept of money so maybe just have the same amount of pressies and i would spilt them so half in the morning and half in the afternoon when dd is there.

My 8 year old has an extreamly good concept of money and has done for a good few years