hormones?!?!!!

[bex76]

Hi there,

I'm very new to this, got my BFP very recently (am 5 wks pg) and it was a bit of a shock as we had only started trying last month...! anyway, am still getting over the shock and kind of want to keep it to ourselves for a little while, however for various reasons we have had to tell my folks and had planned to tell my hubby's folks this week too. Yesterday though I had a bit of spotting and now I have backed off and don't want to tell anyone else until it settles down. The Dr said today when I went to get it all confirmed that it sounded perfectly normal and unlikely to be anything to worry about BUT I can't help it.

The reason for my post is that hubby & I have just had a huge row about telling his parents, he can't see why I don't want to and can only see that in his eyes it is unfair that my folks know and his don't. I totally lost the plot with him and got really really angry and he stormed out! He kept going on about how it wasn't fair that his parents are left out. This is not a good start and I just can't understand why I am being like this.... I'm sooooooo scared by all of this I almost want to bury my head in the sand until 12 weeks and hope all is ok......

any advice would be greatly appreciated as I feel waaaaaaaaaaay out of my depth!!!!

thx!

x

 

[JJ Mum]

I fully understand why you havent wanted to tell anyone, after your spotting which is perfectly normal but makes you worry anyway. Perhaps as your OH ca'n't feel pregnant himself like you can, and you have already told your parents, he could be busting to tell them about his news to make it real to him.

even with your worrys, could you try to agree to tell them so he feels it's fair. If something happned to the baby would both sets of parents be the ones you would tell anyway ? so they could support you with this? I know a compromise when you feel uncertain, as I really do understand.

hope you talk things through ok - Jenni

 

[bex76]

hi jenni, thanks for your advice, it makes a lot of sense and I think that's what I will have to do, I just worry that they will get all overbearing and excited and I just don't want any pressure right now, I just want to get through the next few weeks! it's hard to let it be a proper 'reality' when it could all go so wrong....but then is this just normal???

I guess we'll have a chat later and work out when best to tell them...if I could just get past 6 weeks and no more spotting....

 

[Annie050408]

Hi there,

I know exactly how you feel- you want to tell people but are nervous about it all going wrong. I think it's right that your hubbie can tell his folks too and you probably know that too really but like you say, the hormones kicking in can send everything logical out of the window.

DH and I hadn't had a row since the summer and we had a massive irrational bust up on Friday(that was all sorted by Sat morning) because of me feeling hyper-emotional. It's a v stressful time hon. xx

 

[bex76]

ah thank you, it's so good to be able to bounce this off people in similar situations and not feel like I've 'told' people!! you're right, it's such a scary time but exciting too...I think we'll have to sort out letting his folks know.

part of the problem I think is that we are both very stubborn and I am a control freak!!! right now I feel as though I have no control over my body and maybe I am clutching at other things to control instead, like who knows about it!

Like Jenni said, if it went wrong we'd tell them anyway I guess.

It still doesn't seem real to me!!!! and that's after doing about 10 tests!!!!!

 

[JJ Mum]

When you tell the parents in law, tell them you are still quite worried as early days and not to tell anyone further till you anounce it when your ready and you are happy bthat all is progressing well.

After all your mother in law has done this herself, so I'm sure she will understand especially as you have told them early anyway , they will feel involved, and I am sure they will be delighted for you and support you whatever happens, but I am sure it will be fine.

I had to apologise to my OH on friday, had to go to a blood test at a drop in centre at a nearby hospital before work, as doctors nurse was booked out for several weeks. I was racing around to get kids lunches made and was worried about parking and would I find the place, and that I had to be at work by 930, so went berserk at the oh , hormones raging!! He was great he just laid low, he's been here three times before! and that night I apologized after work about panic from a new situation!

The things we do for kids!

 

[Mrs W.]

I felt the exact same. We told my parents and were pretty cool about it saying it was too early to be excited but we wanted them to know. I could tell they were excited but they could clearly tell how worried I was and kept really calm while we were there. I have since been told there was a huge scream of excitement minutes after we'd left that night, but at least they's kept that away from me. Then, the same night DH rang his parents and sisters (who we live four hours away from) and told them and within minutes I had texts from all of them saying how excited they were and couldn't wait for the baby to come. This was exactly what I hadn't wanted and I felt really annoyed that they all had to know, even though I knew it was unfair to have told my family and not his. Anyway, I replied to all the texts saying thank you but I wasn't getting excited yet because it was far too early to get giddy about it all. Actually, I must have sounded a bit of a bitch when I think about it. However, last Friday was our 12 week scan which went well and over the weekend I sent them all a message apologising for sounding negative and saying that I am now excited and looking forward to them being my baby's aunties. They are all really supportive, but I didn't want to feel the pressure of other people's excitement when I felt under so much pressure of my own anyway. I totally understand how you feel, but I do think you should let him tell his parents, but to explain that you are not yet getting excited and ask them not to get excited yet either. Hope this has helped!

 

[bex76]

Thank you Mrs W, yes it has helped. It's so good to get other's people perspective on this. It still hasn't really sunk into my head yet (even though I've known for 2 weeks!!) and I just can't seem to get my head round letting people into it.... I guess it has to happen though and like you say, is only fair on him.

congrats on your 12 week scan BTW, can't wait for that milestone!

)

 

[Mrs W.]

Aw Bex, it is such a weird time. I felt like my body wasn't my own for weeks. I was tired, feeling nauseus and just worried about EVERYTHING!! Then at about 10 weeks I started to feel a bit more human again and began to relax a little. Then, after the scan last week and now everyone knows it seems unreal again! When it was our little secret I felt like I had some control but now that it's out there and people keep talking to me about it I am thinking, "Dear God, what have I let myself in for?" I really thought I'd be one of these who would sail through pregnancy and enjoy every minute of it but you just can't predict how you will react! Enjoy your little secret while it's just yours, although I have to say that the first 12 weeks were the longest of my life and it seemd to take forever to get to our scan!!!And don't blame yourself for your emotions, you really don't have much control over that at this stage. And, by the way, congratulations mummy-to-be!!! xxx

 

[bex76]

thank you again, another stressful evening though as I am having spotting which is worrying me quite a lot, am also having cramping like dull aches - have had this for the last 2 weeks though (just the cramps). my best friend had this with all her 3 and says to try not to worry but I am sooooo scared it's all going wrong.

this isn't at all easy is it? am trying to stay calm and not get all negative about things but it's hard to read my own body and I am not at all used to that! I guess it's just time to sit and wait but dear god that's hard right now...

 

[Mrs W.]

It almost sounds as if you are mimicking my exact pregnancy! I had bad cramps from day 1, then at about 5 weeks began to spot dark brown and it continued for TWO WEEKS!!! I was convinced it was all over,especially as at 5 and a half weeks I even had some bright red blood. But so far so good. Just take it easy, don't do anything you don't have to. Maybe even ring in sick at work tomorrow? It's what I did and although the spotting continued the actual red blood stopped. Fingers crossed for you, but it does sound pretty normal to me. Keep me updated xxx

 

[bex76]

ah thanks Mrs W, it's good to hear that it sounds kind of normal, can't really call in sick tomorrow as am on an interview panel all day but I'll take it easy and am planning a very easy weekend, have just done my online food shop so I don't have that to worry about!

soooo good to know there's someone else out there going through this but a bit ahead and past the scary worrying bit...!! thanks! xxx