Home birth w/kids

[Jamie.d]

So I guess it's a while off yet but I am definitely going to have a homebirth..
my ex partner and I have our kids on a 50/50 basis my daughter who is four and my son is three
so there's a very real possibility they might be in the house while I'm in labour, has anyone else had young children around while they gave birth? How did it affect them? Did anyone have a bad experience of this?

On their fathers time they are incredibly sheltered... he told them a stork brings a baby fgs!
Obviously I swiftly corrected them and told them the baby is coming from mummy's vagina and Theyre fascinated, my daughter has really enjoyed learning about pregnancy and has told her teacher the baby is in the amniotic sac and is joined to the placenta with her umbilical cord
I'm so damn proud of them and the way they just want to learn everything they can! I would love them to meet their new brother or sister as it happened... I know if their dad found out he would hit the roof and say something like 'it's child abuse' as he so often labels everything..
what are people's thoughts on it?

 

[WinterWolf]

Personally, I don't think watching a baby being born is something children that young should be doing. Also I would not have enjoyed seeing my mother give birth. If they see you in pain, it'll probably upset them. Seeing you bleed will probably upset them too. Obviously it depends on the kids, but you might end up spending a lot of the time worried about them and not focusing on what you need to. Another thing to consider is what if something goes wrong? It would be very scary for children to think their mother is in danger.

 

[Jamie.d]

Personally, I don't think watching a baby being born is something children that young should be doing. Also I would not have enjoyed seeing my mother give birth. If they see you in pain, it'll probably upset them. Seeing you bleed will probably upset them too. Obviously it depends on the kids, but you might end up spending a lot of the time worried about them and not focusing on what you need to. Another thing to consider is what if something goes wrong? It would be very scary for children to think their mother is in danger.

Yes this is what I was thinking... I do see women doing it and they always seem to ave the perfect birth with minimal noise etc but I suppose they don't show the ones that go wrong?
I'm still on the fence maybe I'll have them there but upstairs

 

[Princess81]

A friend of mine had her 6 and 4 year olds present at her homebirth and said they were fantastic.
I think it depends on the kids tbh, my son would be cool with it but I don’t think I could relax enough with him there as he’d be constantly pestering me and asking questions. I wouldn’t be able to get in the zone.

 

[Jamie.d]

The ones that look lovely look really lovely... we speak to the kids all the time telling them how they were born, that mummy shouted and cried a lot because it hurts but it's only for a little while, they're always intrigued so it made me wonder if they'd be okay...there would be loads of family here so they could be taken out if need be but I suppose it's something I have a long while to think about!

 

[Shepherdess]

I've no experience myself but I imagine for every calm/relaxrd/loving video you see there will be more where the homebirth has been loud/stressful/chaos. not saying th as true for everyone. I guess you know by now how you deal with Labour, I know that I didn't cope well with my back Labour last time (ended up being a traumatic birth) and I know I'm loud so it's not something id do with a child around

but your children are a little older then mine and sounds like you're prepared having someone there to look after them. as long as you have someone who is solely there for them you should be okay having them in the house

my DD has watched lambs and calves being born first hand at home and it doesn't faze her, she's so interested but it'd be totally different watching me

 

[GBLiz]

i have been warned you can only concentrate on the baby when you are having a baby so who will be there for the children? it can be fine if you want it to be a family experience and your other children witnessing it as a 'normal' part of life but there would need to be another adult present whose responsibility is being there for the older ones if they need anything because you wont be in a fit state to care for them.

 

[GBLiz]

i have the same dilemma btw of who will look after my two whether i choose homebirth or hospital, but my daughter has already said she doesnt want to be around and my son is too young to 'watch and learn' (he willonly be 18 months)

 

[Jamie.d]

My other half wants his mum there, my mum will be there and my midwife so two nannies just in case they need to be taken elsewhere if it does go bad...we discussed it this morning on the way to school and how it could be a bit scary, my daughter kept saying she wants to help me get the baby out lol!
I think I'll see how they go and decide nearer the time it's good to hear everyone's point of view as there may be things I haven't thought of while I'm romanticising it in my head lol

 

[GBLiz]

oh well if there are people there to take them out if necessary then go for it if you are ok with it?

 

[Jamie.d]

oh well if there are people there to take them out if necessary then go for it if you are ok with it?

I love the idea, I thought it'd just be good to get everyone's views on it/any experiences good or bad as it's such a huge thing I need to make sure I've thought everything over x

 

[ChloeNat]

I'm planning on having a home birth and my 2 children (4 and 5) will most likely be there (hopefully sleeping if my previous night labors are anything to go by). We live in Canada and all our family, bar my husbands brother, live in the UK. It would be more stressful for me to have to find babysitters for the kids or to organize my brother in law driving an hour to collect them and take them to his house and I definitely don't want him or my sister in law in the house while I'm giving birth as they drive me nuts at the best of times haha

 

[Princess81]

I think if your mums are both there then you should be fine, they can take over

 

[Jamie.d]

was just discussing with OH haha if they were with me we wouldn't have many options anyway specially if they were asleep..mum lives far away and rarely see my dad who also lives miles away so the only solution would be to have them upstairs if it was that bad, I see on some of the birth videos they give the children headphones and a tablet maybe for the noise? I do shout a bit when I'm pushing!

 

[Jamie.d]

http://www.skepticalob.com/2014/04/children-at-homebirth-just-whose-needs-are-being-met.html

Well this is vile!

 

[Shanivy]

That article is stupid. Comparing a child watching their mother give birth to watching their parents have sex is just fucking ridiculous.

To be honest I just don't understand people who feel childbirth should be hidden away and done in private. Not shown or talked about. It's perfectly natural. I've seen plenty of homebirths where children have been present and it's been a positive experience. And if it works for you then so be it. They're only scared if they're taught it's scary. Same with us!

I'm having a homebirth with pool. I think lol. My daughter is 4 and I personally don't think she'd be 100% comfortable seeing me in labour. Maybe she would but I'm not sure. I'm pretty quiet and calm in labour and if she was slightly older and wanted to be there I'd let her. She knows how the baby comes out and she's not fazed. I don't really think it would even bother her seeing the baby come out now. But I wouldn't have her there at her age incase something went wrong. She wasn't breathing when she was born so maybe it's that.

But I don't think there's anything wrong with it if it works for your family, the children are educated about what happens, willing and comfortable. And if you'll have people there I really don't think there's anything wrong with having them in the house if not the same room. As long as they knew you aren't dying, you're happy to be giving birth, yes it hurts but that's okay because it's normal and how babies are born, and mummy isn't scared in the least about what she's doing, even if it looks like she is.

Each to their own though I know not everyone will agree with me. xx

 

[Jamie.d]

It's good to have others opinions but that article is horribly written!
I would love to have them there but I do worry about how they'll cope so I think the best plan of action is to prepare them as best I can with books, talking to them, videos etc and then guage how they cope when it's happening, they will have other responsible, familiar adults there who will know when to intervene if it gets too much so I suppose it's just a see how they're feeling when it comes to it?
We do treat them as though they are mini adults (where appropriate obviously!) we involve them in a lot of the decision making and validate their feelings always so I suppose this will be no different

 

[Princess81]

It's good to have others opinions but that article is horribly written!
I would love to have them there but I do worry about how they'll cope so I think the best plan of action is to prepare them as best I can with books, talking to them, videos etc and then guage how they cope when it's happening, they will have other responsible, familiar adults there who will know when to intervene if it gets too much so I suppose it's just a see how they're feeling when it comes to it?
We do treat them as though they are mini adults (where appropriate obviously!) we involve them in a lot of the decision making and validate their feelings always so I suppose this will be no different

Sounds like you’re taking a really level approach to it, in many places it’s still the norm for women to birth in front of children - our society has just tucked it into the realms of sexuality - as with breastfeeding (don’t even get me started) x

 

[Shanivy]

It's good to have others opinions but that article is horribly written!
I would love to have them there but I do worry about how they'll cope so I think the best plan of action is to prepare them as best I can with books, talking to them, videos etc and then guage how they cope when it's happening, they will have other responsible, familiar adults there who will know when to intervene if it gets too much so I suppose it's just a see how they're feeling when it comes to it?
We do treat them as though they are mini adults (where appropriate obviously!) we involve them in a lot of the decision making and validate their feelings always so I suppose this will be no different

Sounds like you’re taking a really level approach to it, in many places it’s still the norm for women to birth in front of children - our society has just tucked it into the realms of sexuality - as with breastfeeding (don’t even get me started) x

I couldn't agree more with this ^^ !!

 

[Jamie.d]

oh yes! The breastfeeding should be a lot easier this time round as my partners parents are very laid back!
my ex partners mother used to cover her husbands/kids eyes when I was feeding and usher everyone out of the room!

I hate the way things like this are sexualised I don't know if anyone else found the same but when I fed in public it was usually middle aged/older women who had the issues