Helping Family members with depression

[littlemonkey]

In short, how can I help my sister who I believe has depression seek professional help?

I don't want to go into too much details, but she has had problems since her teens when she was bullied in high school and as a result had an eating disorder. She has recovered from the physical part of the eating disorder, but I don't think she ever psycologically recovered. This was neary 15 years ago now. She is highly self critical, and will always see the views of others as critical when they are not. If you told her 99 positive things and 1 negative, the one negative is the only thing she will hear, focus on and sit dissecting for days.

At the moment she is facing a stressful situation where she is unhappy at work, and I honestly feel she cannot cope, to the point where it is effecting her health. She has had two recent mystery illnesses where the drs couldn't find out what was wrong (but I believe were stress related). She will contact family members in tears that she is unhappy, but obviously we are not the best qualified people to help her, and she will take advice (especially from me) as criticism. My parents are getting on in their years and I worry she is passing uncessary stress onto them, while myself and our other sister now have families of our own and again, cannot give her what she needs.

How can I help her?!

 

[lisey]

I don't really have any advice but didnt want to read and run. I can only give my personal experience. I have suffered very badly with depression in the past and for me, it helped just to know I had people around me, willing to listen to me and let me cry etc. I was very open to going to the doctors though and took tabs to help.
It must be hard if she sees your help as a criticism so I don't know the best way to approach it. It sounds like her illnesses could be related, depression can cause all sorts, heart palpitations, hot sweats, stomach aches etc, it plays havoc and is horrible. Maybe she needs some medication to help her through this tough time, I know some people are against taking them but sometimes they are needed to take the edge off whist getting to the root of it through counselling etc. All depends what the individual wants though or the help they are willing to accept.
Sorry I couldnt be more help. I hope your sister feels better soon x

 

[MrsR]

My best advice would be, let her know you're there for her to listen to her. Do not offer any advice or try to 'fix' her. Just listen. I suffer from depression and for years I denied it until I couldn't deny it any more and I went to my gp. The thing I wanted the most was someone just to listen. To bite their tongue (keep opinions/advice, however well meaning to their self) and just listen. Unfortunately you can't force her into seeing a doctor, she has to face up to the depression herself and make that first step! I hope she starts on the road to recovery soon.

 

[LikeJohnnYoko]

My best advice would be, let her know you're there for her to listen to her. Do not offer any advice or try to 'fix' her. Just listen. I suffer from depression and for years I denied it until I couldn't deny it any more and I went to my gp. The thing I wanted the most was someone just to listen. To bite their tongue (keep opinions/advice, however well meaning to their self) and just listen. Unfortunately you can't force her into seeing a doctor, she has to face up to the depression herself and make that first step! I hope she starts on the road to recovery soon.

Exactly this.

You can't help her seek professional help; its something the sufferer has to do for themselves. Listening, being there for her, supporting her and being understanding is the best thing you can do for her.

It's very hard to understand from an outside point of view, because whilst it is an illness, it isn't treated like one, by society. Think people telling someone to "cheer up", "pull themselves together", that kind of thing. There is support out there for those who have loved ones suffering from depression

One of the hardest bits about depression is that you often don't "hear" peoples concerns and care for you, or them expressing their love/wanting to be around the depressed person. It can be very frustrating for loved ones as it makes the sufferer appear ungrateful, but really they're not, they're just not hearing it.

 

[littlemonkey]

Thanks for the help and advice everyone. Reading back my original post I probably sound quite unfairly harsh. I am always happy to listen to her and help her, it can be very upsetting talking to her though. I ended up in tears the other night after I came off the phone to her. She was talking about being worried about her latest bout of ill health, and I had innocently suggested it may be related to what else is going on in her life, to which she went off on one about how everyone tells her to cheer up and be positive, but she isn't able to do that. I hadn't said this, only that it might be connected. Now OH has been going mad saying I can't let her stress me out while I'm pregnant and she can't be ringing us like this when our son is here. I feel like I am abandoning her if I give up on her without finding someone else she can turn to.