Need your advice

[Geminiblue]

My sisters OH left her 10 months ago, theyve been on and off and him generally treating her like rubbish...Ive taken calls in the dead of night, first thing in the morning, dashed round, helped with her shopping, looked after her child etc etc only stuff that a sister would do.

She doesnt take her anti-depressants, nor her insulin properly nor her food to the point that she is losing her eye sight and now cant drive. Most of the time she is very poor me poor me.

Basically, she speaks and treats me and my mum like rubbish, I am heavily pregnant, she didnt offer to help me at all with my house move, she hasnt offered to help me with my 2 yr old during pregnancy, never asks how I or baby are doing etc etc

Got a text "I just cant talk about OH I get really anxious with high blood pressure you have to understand I find all this soo difficult and just because I dont react in the way you would ..." blah blah blah this is one of many I have received from her recently...its always about what she feels how she feels. Her OH works for my mum and they had a fall out and I was only explaining to her what had happened and yet again she ended up defending him even though hes walked out taking £15k of her money, having had affairs on and off for years

Anyway I said just leave it please I am heavily pregnant and dont need the stress. But she text again and again, so I went mental and sent her an email saying how selfish she was and I was fed up with her behaviour.

She has been on the phone to my mum saying that I was out of order...nothing about feeling remorse for upsetting her sister who is due to give birth in a couple of days...nothing!

Would you write her a long email saying how you were feeling or would you all just leave it. This is a common theme with my sister and I now and its getting worse
xxx

 

[BevG]

im sorry but id cut all contact, its too draining to deal with ppl like that and no matter how much you would like to telling them off or telling them how you feel does no good. they only think about themselves and have no empathy, she really cannot see it from your point of view. you cant help ppl like that, they have to sink or swim on their own. either forget about it and try to ignore her as much as possible or just give up talking to her completley. thats what id do.

 

[Geminiblue]

thanks hun, youve come to my rescue again!!! xxx

 

[x_PlaceboDanii]

As nasty as that sounds id say leave her to it. You dont really need the unnessecary stress so close to giving birth, you've done everything you could for her and she hasn't once given a second thought to you, so id say leave her to it

 

[Geminiblue]

thank you. Its always been about her whenever we were kids it was about her and if it ever was about me it was made into being about her. Im sick of it, years of resentment have built up and my parents are just enablers which has resulted in an adult being a victim, they are missing the point that as you say not giving me or anyone else a second thought... I am so angry and upset about it. My dad has just text me saying that she is really upset by the whole thing and I said "good coz shes only feeling sorry for herself not for making me feel unwell" arrrrgggghhh. I need to just ignore all of them xxx

 

[Geminiblue]

..so I had a text from my dad saying that he couldnt believe she and I had fallen out over this man..!!!!! I was like "youve completely missed the point, everyone is missing the point its not about her twat of a husband its about her attitude that Ive had to put up with for years and the fact that she doesnt give anyone else a second thought apart from herself". I stole your words Placebo.... whats wrong with people why dont they listen. I know he wants to support us both but this is all a bit rich as he has the same opinion as me and she doesnt care a toss for him and doesnt ever ask if hes ok and only phones him if she has something she needs to get off her chest. Ive felt sick all day and really really upset, why is it always about everyone else? I sound like a spoilt child but honestly I am always there smiling and supporting everyone and the only thing I ask is that people are mindful of my health and emotions towards the end of my pregnancy but NOooooooooooo thats never possible is it. I want to tell em all to eff off now x

 

[meggymum]

i would say you need to cut ties at least until your LO is born. you do not need the stress at the moment and you need to save you energy!

good luck with whatever you decide.

hugs xx

 

[dyscochick]

I 'm with Bev and the others, cut ties hun, you don't need this stress and she needs to wake up to her attitude. it sounds like you've done as much as you can as her sister and had it thrown in your face. Look after you now and only be int ouch if she has offered you some help or support

 

[nikki8092]

Leave her too it, my mum and sister caused me no end of stress when i was pregnant with my 2nd child and neither were remorseful at all. Im now pregnant with 3rd and refuse to let them get to me this time xx

 

[Geminiblue]

Thanks Nikki I think youre right and I think she did this when I had my first too...wasnt as bad but still created a drama...then tried to drag it up 2 hours after I had a c section in the hospital. I told her then I wasnt interested and just get on with it.

Just spoke to my mum and the shear mention of my sisters name started me crying. Im not being funny but Im not normally such a fanny about stuff. Im the opposit really. So just said I dont want to talk about any of it anymore. Not long to go so just going to get on with my life and am not interested in hers. Im done now I dont care what she does anymore just feel really let down

 

[Daisy2011]

Hi Lovely sounds really stressful especially with everybody involved.
I would send her an email but i would keep it strictly about how i feel
eg when you said this it made me feel ...... (rather than what you said did was shit)
Tell her how difficult you have found things and that you need help and support and dont make it about her.
and make sure that if she forwards it that you havent said anything in anger that you might regret.
This way she can read it get mad then come back to it and read again and really see how you are feeling.
It does sound like she cant see beyond her own life and if after youve explained how feel she still makes the drama then just say look I need peace ive told you how i feel now please dont involve me in things at the moment.

Good luck
x Daisy

 

[Geminiblue]

Hey Daisy thats really good advice thank you. Im going to leave it a few days til I have the baby and get back on track emotionally and get a clearer head if that makes sense. And yes, thats a good idea, no accusations no remorse hey.... thank you xxx

 

[Geminiblue]

I have a saying (stolen from someone obviously) that there are 3 sides to every story... my side, their side and the truth. I can normally see the other side of things and am normally fairly diplomatic, I will always make amends if i am wrong or caused a harm no matter what the other persons part in the matter is...but this I just cant see why she is being like this x

 

[Daisy2011]

Theres nothing as strange as other peoples thinking.
Its hard becuase shes family. But look after yourself.
Good luck with new baby, how exciting.
x Daisy