He just won't effing toilet train. End of my tether

[CARNAT22]

Sorry this is a rant more than anything else.

Why won't my intelligent, independent, smart boy toilet train?

We are no further forward than we were months ago. He has no awareness, doesn't tell me when he needs to go, he just pisses where he is.

We've tried everything - bribery, reward charts, potties, toilet seats. He has had 3 accidents already today and it's only been 2 hours since I took his nappy off.

I have had enough. He won't be able to go nursery unless he is close to dryness and he is miles away.

I am in tears and I've shut myself in another room as I'm so frustrated with him.

I just want to scream.

 

[russellmuscle]

Hey Hun

Toilet training is so frustrating, especially when you know how good and smart they really are..

We are in the same boat at the minute, Jackson has no intention of doing the toilet in the potty or in a toilet seat. He just sits taking the piss out of me rather than pissing. The other day he sat on the seat, when I took him off he cried I put him on and off and he just sat each time, When I removed him he was crying poopoo but I ignored him, he then pooped in his nappy. I felt rotten.

Try not to get worked up, I know you have work to go back to and James needs to start nursery but as you know these things come in patience. It is a confusing time for us to try work out how their brains are working when potty training.

It is good that you have shut your self away breifly as it doesn't help for him to see you being frustrated.

It will get better hun.

xxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

If it wasn't for nursery I don't think I'd be nearly as stressed.

I've proper lost my mind with it today though as while I was posting this he went into the kitchen and did another massive wee. So that's 4 accidents in 2 hours. It's like he is doing it on purpose.

He's watching Ice Age and I'm gonna have some time out before I scream!!!

 

[missyeovil]

Hey! Aela is the exact same despite being desperate to sit on the potty a year ago! She just holds it until I put her nappy on for nap or sleep. I got really frustrated by it but then I decided if she doesn't want to, then that's just fine because she will be willing soon...it might be next month, it might be tomorrow! He will get it one day hun, and I'm sure that day is not too far away!xx

P.s. Hope you are well!!

 

[russellmuscle]

Does he drink quite alot? I notice Jackson if anything doesn't wee loads. He drinks a moderate amount of water/juice mostly daytime/night time for milk.

What are you putting on him? Pants, bare or pull ups? We did try the pull ups, but he just went as normal like a nappy. We tried bare and I found he just peed wherever he wanted. On all of my new carpets Apparently if you put them in pants they identify the wetness more? But tbh I havent tried that because some mornings Jackson can wake soaked and he doesnt bother his shirt?

I am just simply giving him time and hoping one day he will just do it? Suppose thats a bit niave of me, but I dunno what else to do atm. It doesnt help when everyone else weighs in, My aunt and uncle keep making comments about him being at potty training age, when its the parents who actually know when kids are ready and even then, sometimes we dont!

xxxxx

 

[MrsS143]

What about a childminder as opposed to nursery? Theyll do nappies still wont they?

 

[Ella1979]

If at all possible, I'd look into childcare that didn't involve putting pressure on yourself to get him potty trained.

My daughter wasn't too bad with weeing but we've taken around 9 months to poo in the toilet (she used to wait until her nappy went on each evening). She's also bright and articulate, so could even tell me stuff like "I prefer pooing in my nappy" ffs!!!!!! We just went straight to pants one Monday morning and had the potty nearby. She had loads of accidents but we did it day after day and it took approx. 2 weeks until she would constantly wee in the potty. She's 3.5 years old now and still has the occasional accident and will still sometimes hold her poo as we've stuck to nappies at night.

 

[CARNAT22]

It's his free hours and the nursery place is all agreed. For logistical purposes it needs to be this nursery (my sil will be picking him up and her kids go to this school)

So moving him elsewhere isn't an option. Deferring until January is an option though.... but it's just moving the goalpost?

X

 

[Laurajcole]

First of all take a huge deep big breath. I can totally understand the 'pressure' and I swear children can sense urgency and when parents have an anxiety about anything. I can understand your frustrations, but he'll get there.
My advice... Is to chill out about it. I know it sounds boring, but can you just plan in a few days that you don't need to leave the house. Hide the reward charts, stickers etc... Simply take his nappy off in the morning sit his potty out and see what happens. If he pee's where he shouldn't don't even mention it, just clean it up I wouldn't even acknowledge he had done it. Any kind of reaction is something to him. Just don't make a big deal out of it. I'm sure they pick up on our stress levels about situations. And if you remove them and the tense atmosphere this may just make him more relaxed to do it.

 

[Iwant3]

Childminder's generally follow the child's and parents lead on potty training! there is not time limit on it! all children are different and are ready in their own time. if you train when they are ready it can take just a week to transition from nappies to full time pants with little or no accidents.

And also most childminders are able to offer the funded hours too

He really doesn't sound ready and this situation isn't doing either of you any good.

 

[Goat]

I'm not sure where you are with potty training today but I remember the first day of our successful attempt (after multiple failures) of potty training my daughter peed all over the floor and pood on our new armchair. The next day she did the opposite and held it all in for hours then peed next to the potty. Then the next day she started to get it. If you can handle to mess, my honest advice would be to keep on at it. In my opinion it's great sign he doesn't mind being nappy free! My daughter hated that and it was a huge hurdle to overcome.
Good luck Hun, potty training is shit, in all sense of the word!

 

[russellmuscle]

Jackson's nursery haven't said anything to me about potty training Im just hoping the other kids will spurr him on.

I think Nat's LO is already at a child minders but this is his preschool place? Not 100% but thought Nat's sis is a child minder.

The thing I keep reminding myself is that it is a rare case to see a teenager cutting about with a nappy on having not potty trained , we will all be fine!

xxxx

 

[Laurajcole]

Jackson's nursery haven't said anything to me about potty training Im just hoping the other kids will spurr him on.

I think Nat's LO is already at a child minders but this is his preschool place? Not 100% but thought Nat's sis is a child minder.

The thing I keep reminding myself is that it is a rare case to see a teenager cutting about with a nappy on having not potty trained , we will all be fine!

xxxx

If it's local authority funded hours then being potty trained is usually a requirement. My friend had to delay her Wee boy going because he was still in a nappy, unless they have additional needs I don't think they change nappies.

 

[littlemonkey]

Have the nursery specifically said he can't be in nappies at all? When we looked at play group for our eldest we were told they would accept kids in nappies but if they needed changed at all, so leaked or pooped, they didn't have changing facilities and would contact the parents to pick them up. Is this something logistical possible for you?

We're just starting out on potty training and I'm pleasantly surprised at how well we're going with it. I have my boy in pull ups at the moment, no nappy free time or pants just yet. I have a five month old too so I'm not ready to watch him like a hawk incase he pees just yet! I put him on the potty at specific times during the day like when he gets up and before bed, before and after meals and before and after we go out. I'll sit him on the potty for a while generally until I know he's done something! But if he doesn't go it's fine. He still wees in his pull ups and poos too. He'll sometimes warn me and then I can get him on the potty or he has the most obvious poo face ever so if I spot it I can chuck him on the potty. He's getting there, he can tell me now if he's gone in his nappy. He's no where near pants though and I'm happy to just go along as we are for now.

I know people say pull ups don't work and the best way is to just go straight to pants and nappy free but I don't think the negative association of weeing every where and constantly being wet works for every child. Plus it's much more stressful for parents too.

 

[MrsT2011]

I feel for you Hun - potty training is the hardest thing I've ever had to do as a parent!
I tried everything and although B was already at a nursery for him to progress to the pre school room he needed to be toilet trained (not potty - toilet)!
In the end I sent him to nursery cd turkey and to them to deal with it lol.
In fairness they did and seeing other children do it really helped, they gave him loads of praise, stickers and I made a huge fuss when I collected him.
I've never told him off if he had an accident it would just say never mind.
I'm sure you've tried everything and you've just got a stubborn little boy!
Once they get it that's it and it's such a relief!

I will say I spoke to the health visitor about it and she said don't stress - she's dealing with kids who go to school still not toilet trained!
She suggested getting a favourite toy or teddy and putting pants on it then demonstrating with them and putting the focus and praise on teddy.

Also my husband took control of toilet training and in one weekend got B standing up and wearing in the toilet same as daddy which makes life so much easier!

 

[Mrs CW]

For both of my boys I started by introducing the potty after bath time, they run around naked for half an hour - an hour and we had the potty in the living room. I allowed them to sit on it an praised them if they did and if they did a wee we praised them more. This was the only time we had the potty out and once they started to use it we had nappy free time during the day. Maybe just having a relaxed short time in the day could work? Then build up.
The other thing I will say is my youngest potty trained on holiday (and I know of a couple of others who have too). He was wearing a swimming nappy at the pool and went for a wee so was wet, being wet with a nappy on freaked him out completely and he was dry from then on. could be something to try?
You will get there x

 

[Les1504]

My LO didn't crack it until a week after his 3rd birthday, is James 3 yet? I know it isn't any help when you have a deadline but Harry just took his nappy off one day and hasn't had an accident since. It must be so stressful when you have been put under pressure to do it xx

 

[mrswoody]

Hugs! Toilet training is awful and really a bloody mine field.

Nursery told me that they "preferred" Madison to be potty trained, purely because there are more children to less staff in pre-school and it makes it harder for the staff if all the children are still in nappies.
I didn't mind and actually it spurred me on to get cracking.

For us, just taking off the nappy and going straight for pants was what worked. I set aside a long weekend to get it cracked and that's what we did. I praised when she used the potty and also had a sticker chart. If she had an accident which we call "oopsies" I didn't over react and said "oh dear an oopsie.
Only pull ups for nap/night time.

If James isn't ready then he's not ready and surely pre-school will understand.

x

 

[CARNAT22]

Thanks ladies, have had a horrible day today so words of reassurance are very kind.

It's a pre school nursery and they have no changing facilities so they expect children to be dry which makes sense. I did broach this with the teacher last month and she just said we'll see how things are when he starts. The two options she did mention were half days (he is meant to do 2.5 days) or defer until January. I am due back to work in January though so ideally wanted him settled and used to nursery before I go back.

It's so incredibly frustrating as James is so "book" smart but he just doesn't grasp the basics?

Today in 3 hours he had 4 accidents. The last one was a massive wee all over the kitchen floor and I gave up. He just isn't ready. He doesn't know when he wants to go, it seems to take him by surprise?

I've worked myself into a frenzy today and have had probably my most horrible day ever with him.... He has actually been really sweet as he knows something is up.

I did plan to have a few days in and just let him get on with it but it's seriously not working. He is just going to carry on pissing all over the place and I find it really upsetting. About a month ago exactly the same happened (several accidents in a very short space of time) so I stopped, he has made no progress in a month. It's horrific and I really don't feel equipped to deal with this.

We've been doing nappy off time for months now and not one single wee in the potty. Not one!!!

X

 

[russellmuscle]

We tried the seat again and potty as Jackson came and says toilet and again I stripped him and sat for about an hour and nothing. Even gave him an apple on the potty, nothing.

I have 2 toilet seats and a potty. Im going tp invest in the seat potty but other than that I will just need to go with it.

Jackson is the same he pees on the floor and when i have tried to move him to the potty he stops and cries so i dont do that now.. I just feel so out of depth?

I think im the same as u i dont get why hes articulate and doesnt know to say when he needs?

Obviously your under more pressure with the nursery and little B. I think people do expect more of a kid thats good in most other ways. People often think Jacksons like 3 n a half cause hes tall and talks but theyr still babies essentially.

Its a v big learning curve, we will get there even if they are 5

xxxx