Having trouble getting my head around something...

[timtam78]

Has anyone ever heard of a situation where a heartbeat has not been found and then seen at a later scan?

I can't stop asking myself whether they could have made a mistake at my scan. I've had no more bleeding or pain and it's niggling at me. I'm probably just in denial though, surely if there was a chance of that they would recommend, coming back again later to double check.

I read on the miscarriage association that a heartbeat at 8 weeks increases the chance of a continuing pregnancy to 98% and at 10 weeks that goes up to 99.4%. My baby was shown to be measuring the right size for the stage i am at - around 11wks. But no heartbeat so died very recently. So if its right I'm in that unlucky 0.6%

Could it be possible they made a mistake. She did get a second woman to observe the screen to confirm. I have my ERPC booked for Monday and its driving me mad.

x

 

[CARNAT22]

Oh sweetheart,

I am so sorry.

I am also sorry to say that if bub had a HB it would have been detected today. At your gestation there would be no query. If bub had a HB it would have been there.

Sorry if this sounds blunt, please do not think I am being rude. Just honest

xxxxxxxx

 

[timtam78]

Nope Carnatt thats absolutely fine, I think that's what I needed, just needed people to tell me I think x

 

[CARNAT22]

Nope Carnatt thats absolutely fine, I think that's what I needed, just needed people to tell me I think x

You'll go through every emotion possible but I didn't want to sugar coat it and confuse the issue.

If there was no doubt about your dates then sadly there would have been a HB.

Of course it is natural for you to have your own doubts and to wonder, so I am glad they got a second person in to try and alleviate that a little.

Big hugs to you and please if you need anything just ask, I found PF between my second and third loss and I have found it such a helpful website

xxxxxxxxxx

 

[5Element]

Hi TimTam,

I am so so sorry for you!

I know exactly how you are feeling right now - I had my second mc on 20.Aug (and the first on 24.Jun).

Please speak to the ladies on pf here (as well as those you can tell) - they have helped me sooooo much over the last few days and made me feel that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Take time ofyourself and your OH and it has helped me so much to know that I am (unfortunately) not alone!

My Fx for your OP.

TAKE CARE!!

 

[Becky1]

Timtam I'm so so sorry for your loss. I have recently suffered a miscarriage and had an erpc nearly 2 weeks ago. I have had similar thoughts to you, what if they got it wrong, what if my bean was ok. I know deep down and when I'm in rational mode that they were right. If there was any doubt they would book you in for a scan a week or so later (as they did with a friend of mine).

It is such a hard thing to get your head round, mine is still all over the place. I saw in your other post you've booked a holiday, we're hoping to do the same at the end of September. I'm occupying my time deciding where to go

Take care hun xxx

 

[TORino]

Aw sweetheart. So sorry you are going through this.



I had some awful awful thoughts when it happened to me. I didn't want to believe it was true. Afterwards, I kept having these visions that the woman had lied to me and I had aborted a healthy baby (I had a medically managed miscarriage).

Take each day as it comes, cry if you need to or speak to someone if it will help. Mother nature seems so cruel at times.

Big love xxxx

 

[Juice]

I'm so so sorry you're going through this

I know exactly how you feel. This thought crossed my mind too. It was hard for me because when I went for my scan and they said that my baby didn't have a heartbeat, I didn't want to look at the screen, so I never saw what my OH saw.

Denial is a natural part of the grieving process so please take a little bit of comfort in knowing that what you're feeling is completely normal.

I just want to tell you a little bit about my decision and why I chose it. I want to tell you because it really really helped me and I want to try to help you too.

After a lot of dilemma, I finally decided that I wanted a natural MC. Because I felt so well all the way through my pregnancy - no bleeding or pain of any kind - it was hard for me to believe that anything was wrong. Before my scan I'd been carrying around a fetus with no HB for 4 whole weeks and I had no idea. I believe that if I had had an ERPC I would have always felt a 'what if'. I really thought that having a natural MC would help me accept it because it had happened by it's self, without intervention and that to me meant that it was definitely meant to happen.

The reason I'm telling you this is because of the feelings of denial you have. I'm speaking completely out of turn here, I know, but I think that having an ERPC whilst you're having feelings of denial might not be the best thing to do.

I hope you understand why I am saying these things and I hope I haven't confused you any more.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm truly sorry if what I've said has hurt more than it has helped but I really hope you know that I'm just trying to help you avoid future feelings of hurt.

I'm so gonna regret posting this :/

 

[lizsamuel80]

Hey Timtam,

I'm really sorry but I have always been able to spot the heartbeat myself straight way it's the first thing I look for. I even saw it at my 6 week scan this time around. I could see at a scan I had back in Feb before the lady said anything that the baby had no heartbeat. It's really obvious. I couldn't believe she made me wait for longer to get a second opinion when I myself was that second opinion. But they do have protocol to follow.

So sorry.

 

[timtam78]

Sorry about my delayed response your your messages... Thank you so much for your replies and don't worry Juice there was no need to regret your post!

I knew that it was over but I just needed to see it for myself somehow. I know it sounds a bit cliched but I needed some closure on it before my op on Monday. They called me on Thursday night to tell me there was a slot free on Friday if I wanted the operation done sooner. I couldn't do it for some reason and I spontaneously asked if I could have a final scan to put my mind at rest. They were lovely and she called me back Friday morning to say I could go in. So I went in and the midwife who did it was so lovely. She said don't feel silly (as I told them I felt awkward about asking), she said I'd be surprised how many people they do it for. She was very good and showed me and explained everything in detail. Although it wasnt nice seeing my sleeping baby, it really helped and now I feel more mentally prepared for the op on Monday.

Thanks for listening ladies
X

 

[Star33]

Hey sweetie

I heard about your loss i also sent you a email recently ( today ) just to say how sorry i was to hear your sad news. I had two losses at 12wks & 14wks i also had another scan just to be sure at that time it's peace of mind. I am a email away sweetie if you ever need a chat.

xxx