having the strenth

[Dee1985]

me and kris have been falling out alot recently
over silly little things but what gets to me is every time we have even a disagreement he will grab his car keys and go. every time i phone him telling him to come home and he knows that. so tonight the same thing has happened hes walked out.

so phoned him and i said some thing i hae neer ever said. "i swear on our families life if you dont come home now this is us over for ever no more sily games this is it forever"
so what did he do????? told me to piss off and has turned his phone off.

he knows i will phone him and he always gets away with it, i just really wish i had the strenth to be strong and not beg timne and time again. i have called him 100's of times now phone still off i no he will stroll in later with a "im sorry" but i no i need to make him realise now i aint a walk over.

please gie me some advice to not be his muppet any more.

right now my temper is through the roof and i want to kil him.

 

[Dee1985]

ok i no im talking to myself lol

but typing is the only thing keeoing me from exploding!

when i was the bitch when we first meet and i didnt care about him he was all over me. but now he knows i love him he thinks he has me where he wants me .... and he has.

i want to be strong and leave him so he realises i aint a push over and i DONT need him.. then oiusly get back with him but teach him a lesson so he loves me. but then il be alone with 2 kids and i really dont want it.

please what do i do?

im going to cringe in the morning about writing all this

 

[Jo]

Aww hun, i know how hard it is for you

I haven't really got much advice except stop calling him, it's what he wants
I bet you owt when he switches his phone on and sees all the missed call he will be quite pleased about it

If he walks out and you don't phone him it will maybe shock him a bit

It seems like you have got in to a routine with this

You fal out
He walks
you call begging him to come home
he says sorrythen all is good until the next time

when he comes in and says sorry, just say Ok and don't get into it agin with him

The next time it happens ( which it will, been there done that)
Just don't call him that is the first step to being strong

I know it is easier said than done hun

You need to have a big sit down and chat espec about issuses you haven;t yet dealt with ( previous posts)

He might be just tired of the fallings out as well hun

You don't want to split up i know you don't, just take it one step at a time

And don't yell at him when he comes in about turning his phone off

So much for me not having much advice lol

Take care hun

 

[Dee1985]

Jo thank you so much for replying

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

I can absolutely realte to this one, its a pattern my fiance and I got into. I got bored of it to be honest and when he stormed off the last time I didnt phone, I didnt even cry, and when he got back I was happily sitting playing my computor games. Guess what? It hasnt happened again!

You both really need to stop playing games, and I dont mean this nastily, but in every game theres a winner and loser when you really should be both on the same winning team.

Good luck and keep us posted x

 

[Icecream]

You have to be strong, and if it gets to that stage, just take control, relax, don't call him.. You both need time to calm down, without hassling each other. that's why he leaves, not to hurt you.

 

[Dee1985]

i hate myself for this but i phoned and i begged.

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Honey i know EXACTLY how you feel! Im going thru this as we speak! The shithead is in london drinking again!
Last night i said we was over and stuff (as usual twice a week) and today he was asking if i was certain we are finished coz he needs sex and cant wait etc.. So he mite be shagging as we speak but hey ho! Thats the pushover that i am. Such a fooking dumbass.. I need the strength too hun. Time and time again ive split with him over the weekend (he gets to go out on fri and sat and sun drinking and says sorry on monday) and he's not even bothered about seeing jaycee. I can rant on so much but i wont take over ur thread Just to say i know what ur going thru hun and its NOT nice and its NOT easy. Im even considering not having this baby ( the worst thing i have EVER thought coz im against it!) and then i guilt myself for thinking it. But then i think how can i bring another child in this horrible relationship? I know i can do it alone but i dont want the arguements to affect the kids.
PM me if u want hun or msn?

 

[Dee1985]

Jayceesmumma sorry you are going through the same but then in the other way its nice to no im not alone.

what gets me the most is my temper is bad when im pushed there is no return i cannot thing straight. so kris will push me and push me and i no he is waiting for me to say "get out" then the min i do hes gone.

then i am left fuming temper flying then the kids need bathed and fed and crying and al i want to do is scream. i phone him 20time a min. to hear his answer phone.
but i do no where kris goes he just parks up in the car some where for some space!!! wheres my space
so last night in the freezing cold i was not thinking straiht, i got the double buggy out at 10pm wrapped the kids up gave them their duvet and walked the streets looking for him..

even thought the whole argument was his fault i go looking for him

ita the same fo me to. we split up. i suffer he has fun then i take him back

same routine every time.

last night i said on the phone "if you dont come home now i will never ever phone you again" he replied "we both no you will" and yes i no i will
i cryed so much last night my eyes are killing today. i just want to lay on the sofa and feel sorry for myself.
if we had never had kids we wouldnt be together

but then last night he did shoe me £150 he had his in the car that he had been saving for a ring for me


Jayceesmumma dont worry bout taking over my thread have a good rant

 

[sophie]

Dionne im so so sorry your going through this, OH and i used to be the same we used to finish every other week. Its so stressful i know.
The other girls have said it all really. I just wanted to offer u some support let u know people do care hun.
Try to keep ur chin up an next time like the girls have said dont ring him and believe me it does work. He will sh*t himself and come back! they always do, uve just got to be strong!
good luck hun hope things get better soon.
xx

 

[Dee1985]

Im even considering not having this baby ( the worst thing i have EVER thought coz im against it!) and then i guilt myself for thinking it. But then i think how can i bring another child in this horrible relationship? :

i am against it too, but in some situations i am not. i was 17 and with a control freak he was an awfull boyfriend. i had a termination at 7weeks. it hurt me alot and i didnt half go of the rails but i dont regret it. was def for the best.

Thanks sophie i do hope it passes. next time im going to have to be stronger but it is so easy sying it now when it happeneds its a different story

 

[Vicki83]

Aww sorry to hear this Dionne, have you tried just sitting down and talking through your problems, fair enough there will probably be a few tears and more than a few choice words thrown around, but if something is getting to me i always try and talk to OH about instead of just letting things build up and then everything all come crashing down at once?

Sorry if this ain't any use but i try!

 

[Strangeness]

Awww hun I'm really sorry to hear you having to go through this! Men can be such arseholes at times especially when they know how to work you! He sounds like he knows exactly what buttons to push on you and I think you do need the strength to stand up to him. Like Jo said the one thing that would make you a step stronger is when he leaves don't phone him. He will be totally stumped if you just leave him to get his space. He will come back otherwise he wouldn't have bothered on your last arguement if he didn't want to be with you. He's just making himself feel better at your expense. I know you're a strong woman hun and you can do it

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Jayceesmumma sorry you are going through the same but then in the other way its nice to no im not alone.

what gets me the most is my temper is bad when im pushed there is no return i cannot thing straight. so kris will push me and push me and i no he is waiting for me to say "get out" then the min i do hes gone.

then i am left fuming temper flying then the kids need bathed and fed and crying and al i want to do is scream. i phone him 20time a min. to hear his answer phone.
but i do no where kris goes he just parks up in the car some where for some space!!! wheres my space
so last night in the freezing cold i was not thinking straiht, i got the double buggy out at 10pm wrapped the kids up gave them their duvet and walked the streets looking for him..

even thought the whole argument was his fault i go looking for him

ita the same fo me to. we split up. i suffer he has fun then i take him back

same routine every time.

last night i said on the phone "if you dont come home now i will never ever phone you again" he replied "we both no you will" and yes i no i will
i cryed so much last night my eyes are killing today. i just want to lay on the sofa and feel sorry for myself.
if we had never had kids we wouldnt be together

but then last night he did shoe me £150 he had his in the car that he had been saving for a ring for me


Jayceesmumma dont worry bout taking over my thread have a good rant

Sounds just like me hun! He pushes and pushes me on the fone til i say 'stay at ur mums' and he says 'thanks, was waiting for that' and hangs up.
Sorry u had a hard time at 17 babe, its not a nice experience, but ur right it was for the best. I agree with it to an extent, like my sis was 16 and with a total idiot and fell pg and had an abortion, was the best thing for her. And OHs bro's gf was 17 and fell pg but she knew she wasnt ready and had it terminated too. It takes a strong woman to make that kind of decision.
Its horrible being stuck with the kids when this happens coz u know u cant do anything or go anywhere. Luckily i drive so i can hunt him down quicker but its no point coz he's always in london where he works and its a 2hr train and bus journey from mine!
Its true, they need 'space' (drinking and having fun time) but where is our space?? Noone babysits for me! He thinks im fobbing her off by just visiting my mum! Since Jaycee has been born ive not had more than ONE HOUR (for physiotherapy) a week for 2 months away from Jaycee!! If i want to go out, i have to take her to my mums, bath her and put her to bed before i can even get ready to go out! If shes not asleep i cant go out.
Id LOVE just an hour in the day for doing nothing!! Just relax!!
And if i DO go out my mum txts me at 12 and says, 'dont u think its getting late?' (!!!!??????) Jaycee goes to bed at 8, i get ready and leave by 9, get to my mates at 9:30/10 and by 12 shes bugging me!!! He NEVER babysits for me! If i plan to go out wi my m8s and he's babysitting he wont come home from work and stay at the pub all night so i cant go.
I wouldnt mind as much but even if i get home at 2am on a night out (i drive so i dont even drink!!! if jaycee woke id have to speed home too-luckily she never does) I still have to get her up and give her breakfast at 6:50am!! For some reason at my mums she wakes at 7 not her usual 8-9 It not asking for much is it? serve her weetabix and put her infront of the tv?
Man this is long I guess ive got alot to rant about lol!
Its nice to know IM not alone in this too Dionne! Its bloody hard not to call every min! I do it too! I know i wont get thru but i try anyway.
Even the pub lies to me if i call! They say he left 20 mins ago everytime Fooking wh0res down there!! GRRRRR!!!!
(excuse my language im trying not to!)

 

[Dee1985]

grrrrrrrr he sounds like kris!

kris knows what buttons to press with me. i start crying and my temper starts going and he always says. "yoi are a syco u need help" ans that really really winds me up. then he will say "i hate your guts" then thats it i loose it.
and now today he is being nice as pie but cant turn back time. i was still left picking up the pieces yesterday

when we first knew each other i had just left my ex and was wild. i meet kris on a night out swapped numbers. i was into every thing drink drugs i was a tart and he chased me all the time he loved me sooo much. now im all his and love him hes bored of it.

 

[Jayceesmumma]

grrrrrrrr he sounds like kris!

kris knows what buttons to press with me. i start crying and my temper starts going and he always says. "yoi are a syco u need help" ans that really really winds me up. then he will say "i hate your guts" then thats it i loose it.
and now today he is being nice as pie but cant turn back time. i was still left picking up the pieces yesterday

when we first knew each other i had just left my ex and was wild. i meet kris on a night out swapped numbers. i was into every thing drink drugs i was a tart and he chased me all the time he loved me sooo much. now im all his and love him hes bored of it.

Just the same as me! He knows EXACTLY what to say! Ive known OH since i was 8 and we were very close friends, and when i turned 16 and became 'a woman' (so he says) he started fancying me. We used to get on so well, go out drinking, clubbing, smoking etc.. but now i dont drink and havent been out in ages i think he's bored of me. Ive become a housewife and i really dont mind (id like to get out a bit more tho!) but he cant stop partying. Ive told him he's to quit that stupid job (he could earn over £7000 more doing the SAME job at different companies CLOSER to home-saving £160 a month on travel), and until he does, he's not coming home! Sounds harsh but its for the best! He drinks coz they tempt him. he was doing well for 6 months til he started with work again
He gets too violent too when drunk...hes never hit me but he scares me.
A few months ago they were offering money for ppl to lave his work and he turned down TEN GRAND coz he didnt wanna give up his social life down there!

 

[Dee1985]

what does he work as?

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Just an office job but he's a civil servant

 

[Em78]

Dionne maybe the time to tackle this is now things are calm again. dont leave it till something has caused another argument as its something that needs talking about when you can both be calm and rational.

be really honest with him and say that the way you both handle your arguments (i know its mainly him but if you can say that it will seem less like you having a go and wont be as likely to turn into another fight hopefully!) is going to have to change now that Dior is getting older. she will start to pick up on it before too long and then it wont just be you worrying about whether he is coming home. does he really want his little girl lying in bed worrying that maybe her daddy has really left this time?

he is a grown up now and a parent - he cant walk out everytime it gets tough - its not fair on you or the kids.

maybe try talking through some ways you can diffuse these arguments before they get going. you really need to keep this talk calm & honest though - dont try to place blame with each other or its just going to get out of hand.

i dont really know what else to suggest. i dont think its as simple as you not calling him when it happens thats just a sticking plaster over the problem - maybe trying to stop the argument in the first place and find out why you both react how you do and how it escalates so much.

 

[x-kirsty-x]

I know this post is quite old now but I've just seen it and understand what you mean completely Dionne.

Mine and OH's arguments are exactly the same, and I mean EXACTLY the same! We argue, I get wound up, he walks out and I cant get in touch, he says horrible things to me like I need help etc. At the time I really want to tell him its over and leave for a few days to show him I dont need him, but I can never do it.

Anyway, I wont go on cos this is probably all sorted out now. Just totally understood where you were coming from and thought Id tell you I know how you feel