Grrrrr....

[sunshine_gal]

Hi Ladies hope you are all well today on this gorgeous bank holiday monday... Im at work.. booo...

My brother called me really exited that his 16 year old girlfriend is pregnant, they've been together 5 mins and they split up every other week.. why do some people have all the luck eh, he's spent most of his life on drugs and is bascially a waste of space, i spent my life working hard building up a business for the future and get married and well do it all right i suppose and 18months of trying and still no baby... just makes me so down... grrr....

Its not fair is it....

 

[sookie]

16?! How old is he? Sorry if I offend anyone but that is terrible.

Chin up hon, your time will come

 

[EllieBelle]

Im not surprised you are feeling a bit frustrated I would be too if I were in your shoes!!

Just think though how wanted your baby will be, when you get your BFP!!

Keeping my fingers crossed that you get good news soon!!

 

[sunshine_gal]

Yeah 16.. only just really too, my brother is 24.. Im so gutted to be honest and i cant pretend to be pleased for them. She's even just written on my facebook, hello aunty from zoe and bump... nice..

18 months of trying, how many more before im the lucky one....

 

[MagicMarkers]

i think possibley on a forum where theres a whole teenage pregnancy section, and as ar as ive seen lots of ladies who had their LO's t 16 and under you shouldn't say its terrible, you dont know the circumstances, and i know that alot of young mums go on to be much better parents than their elder counterparts, a good mum is a good mum regardless of age.

I know that as your ttc all you need is more and more bumps around you, but maybe this is the start of a big burst of baby dust coming your way, and then you can facebook her right back with your BFP !!!

However hard and obviously frustrating it is, i doubt its going to be easy for your brother, surely this phonecalls better than him ringing you up telling you how his 16 year old gfs getting and abortion, imagine how you'd feel then knowing they're willing to get rid of a child when your so desperate for one !

As for the facebook, could you talk to your brother ? Explain/pretend that your happy for them but also remind him how hard it is for you to hear that their having a baby when youve been trying for so long, maybe that way she wont be so in your face whilst you try and get used to the idea ?

 

[sookie]

i think possibley on a forum where theres a whole teenage pregnancy section, and as ar as ive seen lots of ladies who had their LO's t 16 and under you shouldn't say its terrible, you dont know the circumstances, and i know that alot of young mums go on to be much better parents than their elder counterparts, a good mum is a good mum regardless of age.

Scatterpatch I think that any 16 year old girl, regardless of the good intentions she might have, is not ready for motherhood. At 16 you think you know everything but really you don't. You are not yet a fully grown up person at 16. Many child development researchers and psychologists, such as Maria Montessori for example, do not consider a person fully developed until around the age of 21 to 23. 16 is considerable younger.

And I really don't know what evidence you have to suggest than "a lot" of young mums go on to be much better parents that their elder counterparts. Of course there are bad parents in any age bracket but I think it is much more likely that a 16 year old, lacking as she has to be in life experience and education, would be a worse mother than an older woman. I am not saying all teens are bad mums, of course that is not true. But given what Sunshine_gal said about her brother's lifestyle and the relationship he has with this girl, it seems unlikely that they make model candidates for teenage parenthood.

The statistics, Scatterpatch, speak for themselves. In the US these are the consequences in statistical form:

Teen mothers are less likely to complete high school (only one-third receive a high school diploma) and only 1.5% have a college degree by age 30. Teen mothers are more likely to end up on welfare (nearly 80 percent of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare).

The children of teenage mothers have lower birth weights, are more likely to perform poorly in school, and are at greater risk of abuse and neglect.

The sons of teen mothers are 13 percent more likely to end up in prison while teen daughters are 22 percent more likely to become teen mothers themselves. http://www.familyfirstaid.org/teen-pregnancy.html

And given that the UK has the highest rate of teen pregnancy in Europe, I imagine the statistics would be very similar. Unicef's report on this issue is very detailed: http://www.unicef-icdc.org/publications/pdf/iwp86.pdf and confirms the aforementioned trends of disadvantage for teenage mothers and their children across Europe.

 

[welshpolly]

Thinking of you and I hope your BFP will come soon

Love Polly xxx

 

[sookie]

And to Sunshine_gal, it's completely understandable that you feel the way you do. My heart goes out to you I really hope that you get your BFP soon!

 

[MagicMarkers]

All i was trying to achieve was a little support for the large number of teenage mums on the forum, who should never have their pregnancies deemed terrible, by anyone. Of course 16 isnt the ideal age to fall pregnant,and im sure no-one that age plans nor prepares for motherhood before hand, im not condoning people ttc at 16, but irregardless of evidence i stick to the opinion that just because someone becomes a parent young, doesnt mean they will be any worse a mother than someone older.
Im noe why you have taken such a offence at my attempt to say that
BEING A MUM AT 16 DOESNT MEAN YOU'LL BE A BAD MOTHER, i never claimed to have any more proof than personal experience, and probably shouldnt said that alot of younger mums are better than their elder counterparts,great parents come in all shapes and sizes, that comes from the level of attention and support given by authorities, social services etc etc to younger mothers, therefore the children are often alot safer and better monitored in these sort of situations.
Im not sure what sort of evidence you have to suggest that an older parent is more likely to have any more qualifications than a teenage parent with gcse's, a-levels or even degrees. If this reasoning appllies, does this also mean a 40 year old mother with no qualifications will be a worse parent than a 19 yer old with gcse's and a-levels ?

I didnt mean to offend you, and im not sure that US statistics have any standing here in the uk, i in turn am not saying that all teen mums are good mums, but the benefit of the doubt is always nice, there is NO ideal model for teenage pregnancy, so maybe support is whats needed, rather than your capaign to slander teenage pregnancy taking place here on the forum.

I dont want to make this post about anything more than sunshine, and her problem dealing with her brothers pregnancy, im sorry for detracting attention away from your problem hun and i hope you get your BFP very very soon !!!

Again all i was trying to say whats that you shouldnt call teen pregnancy terrible.

 

[sandee]

Your BFP will come and when it does it will be the most blessed day!!!!

 

[Emma79]

Know how you feel hun, its so hard to feel glad for other people when inside you're screaming 'when is it my turn?'. Really hope you don't have too much longer to wait for that BFP x

 

[zebrastripes]

i think possibley on a forum where theres a whole teenage pregnancy section, and as ar as ive seen lots of ladies who had their LO's t 16 and under you shouldn't say its terrible, you dont know the circumstances, and i know that alot of young mums go on to be much better parents than their elder counterparts, a good mum is a good mum regardless of age.

Scatterpatch I think that any 16 year old girl, regardless of the good intentions she might have, is not ready for motherhood. At 16 you think you know everything but really you don't. You are not yet a fully grown up person at 16. Many child development researchers and psychologists, such as Maria Montessori for example, do not consider a person fully developed until around the age of 21 to 23. 16 is considerable younger.

And I really don't know what evidence you have to suggest than "a lot" of young mums go on to be much better parents that their elder counterparts. Of course there are bad parents in any age bracket but I think it is much more likely that a 16 year old, lacking as she has to be in life experience and education, would be a worse mother than an older woman. I am not saying all teens are bad mums, of course that is not true. But given what Sunshine_gal said about her brother's lifestyle and the relationship he has with this girl, it seems unlikely that they make model candidates for teenage parenthood.

The statistics, Scatterpatch, speak for themselves. In the US these are the consequences in statistical form:

Teen mothers are less likely to complete high school (only one-third receive a high school diploma) and only 1.5% have a college degree by age 30. Teen mothers are more likely to end up on welfare (nearly 80 percent of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare).

The children of teenage mothers have lower birth weights, are more likely to perform poorly in school, and are at greater risk of abuse and neglect.

The sons of teen mothers are 13 percent more likely to end up in prison while teen daughters are 22 percent more likely to become teen mothers themselves. http://www.familyfirstaid.org/teen-pregnancy.html

And given that the UK has the highest rate of teen pregnancy in Europe, I imagine the statistics would be very similar. Unicef's report on this issue is very detailed: http://www.unicef-icdc.org/publications/pdf/iwp86.pdf and confirms the aforementioned trends of disadvantage for teenage mothers and their children across Europe.

Hi Don't want to cause a furore but I'm sure you'll be relieved to find out that, as a 16 year old mother myself, I'm not doing a bad job. In fact, none of those statistics apply to me (as yet anyway) . I think you'll find that most deprivation amongst children of younger mothers, is not caused by the age of the mother, but in the circumstances she lives in. That is to say, many young mothers were born into poverty, ergo their children will be too, regardless of their mothers age. Lack of education, low income, and a lack of social mobility all contribute to a vicious cycle in which, to be honest, it really doesn't matter what age you are when your child is born, you're stuck. I find it slightly offensive that you think being a mother at 16 is "terrible". However.

Sunshine_gal- I know it must be extremely hard for you- I got pregnant when my aunt and uncle were going through a very difficult time themselves trying to concieve, and I honestly felt somewhat guilty myself...maybe this girl does too, and she doesn't want to ostracise you in any way? The facebook comment may seem a little insensitve, but sometimes at 16 it is hard to know the best way to handle some things. Hoping you get your BFP soon

 

[sookie]

Ok, I don't wish to prolong this any further, but I stand by my statements and so wish to clarify a few points.

Regarding the 'terrible' comment, yes I do think that a girl who has just turned 16, and is in an on again off again relationship with an either former or current drug addict is not ready to be a fully responsible and competent parent. Sorry that you take that personally Scatterpatch and Zebrastripes.

Scatterpatch, I commented on this thread and then you came in and criticised my comment, so you were actually the one taking offence and taking it personally, not me.

Regarding education, I was not just referring to an academic education, but to a life education as well. But if we look at academic education then yes, of course an older woman is more likely to be better educated than a younger woman. A 16 year old woman has not had time to complete her education. That's not to say that all older women are educated. It's just common sense that an older woman has had more time and thus more opportunities to educate herself.

Regarding the statistics, the Unicef report into teenage pregnancies in Europe (including UK and Ireland) confirms the same trends as the US statics I quoted.

In response to Zebrastripe's comment about poverty versus age. Yes, poverty is overwhelmingly the problem in cases where children are deprived, neglected, abused or what have you. The point I was trying to make is that in many cases teenage motherhood is often accompanied by poverty.

Sorry to upset you both, and any other young mums on the forum, but this is my opinion, and I'm sure I am not alone in thinking it.

 

[zebrastripes]

16?! How old is he? Sorry if I offend anyone but that is terrible.

The way you phrased it, you did not incorporate the situation. Nobody with any sort of grip on reality is going to think that getting pregnant at that age to someone with a fondness for drugs is a good idea, of course not. However in your post it wasthe girl's age that seemed to shock you, and it does make me think that this would have been the case regardless of her circumstances. For instance, I have been with my partner over 3 years, we are both decent hardworking people, and I'm aiming for uni. Pregnancy unplanned,yes, certainly not "terrible". I must say, I may not have had as much "life experience" (defined as?) but I am learning fast, and enjoying every minute of it.

Anyway,we must agree to disagree. Let's hope that her pregnancy may make this girl and her partner rethink things a little-they'll have to shake themselves up pretty fast, hopefully it'll end up being a positive thing

 

[meg_bellamy]

it would be hard to deal with that (someone you know seemingly getting pg quickly and easily) no matter what age they (or you) are

 

[lmarszall]

Hiya,

Aw hun, i'm sorry about your bro. It must be hard having to hear about it. My bro and sis in law announced they were having a baby just after i miscarried. Obviously they wouldn't have made such as fuss had they known, but it still would have been hard.

And then everyone seemed pregnant, and it is just not fair!!

As for the age think, i think it is a touchy subject.

In my opinion age shouldn't matter and people can be quick to judge. When i got pregnant i was 24 and DP was 19. Does that mean we are not going to be as good parents as people who are 30-35? I don't think so!!

As for the education i think that is a really silly way of judging peoples parenting ability. Qualifiactions are irrelevant when it comes to raising children. Common sense is more important than anything. And you get some 16 year old who don't have a clue and others who have their heads screwed on.

My DP was only 19 when i got pregnant. He didn't have any acedemic qualifications and was just finishing his boatbuilding apprenticeship. He may not be stereotypically 'smart' but he is a brilliant dad and he works hard and provides for us.

Granted at 16 there may be more chance of a girl finding parenthood difficult, but don't we all. And i definately think that it is nice they are being positive about it and not just running out and getting an abortion. I think would be irresponsible.


Anyway that is my person opinion and there are always exceptions. I know at 16 i was no way ready to have a child. But if it had happened i'm sure with my familys support i would have made a good mum.

Thanks,
Laura

 

[sunshine_gal]

Hi Ladies..

I didn't mean to start anything, i was just letting off a bit of steam becuase it seems like no one else really understands how i feel. when i found out last week my husband couldn't understand why i was crying and just told me to cheer up.. nice..