Getting very disheartened :(

Discussion in 'Trying to Conceive' started by broody2013, Jan 3, 2016.

  1. broody2013

    broody2013 Well-Known Member

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    I expect we have all felt this way at some point.

    I am under a lot of stress at work and with my health and I think this might be what's stopping us conceiving. I am very slightly overweight with a BMI of 25 and my husband is still closed as 'obese' with his BMI but is almost moving into 'overweight' now which is good, and we hope to both continue to lose weight.

    I have been using raspberry leaf tea, I've bought a higher quality multivitamin which has magnesium zinc and chromium as well as the other vitamins and minerals needed. We have BD every other day this cycle (I can't cope with every day we would just give up so every other day is the best we can do right now in order to keep BDing consistently throughout the month).

    I can't really go to the doctor and ask for help because strictly speaking I am not meant to be TTC due to the antidepressants but it was making me more depressed not working towards a family as the guilt was killing me so we started again in October. we will be moving on to our 16th month TTC when AF comes. I am 10DPO BFN and don't feel pregnant so I'm just waiting for AF now.

    My question is when should we call it quits and accept we might be a childless couple (well I would end up single as my husband would end up divorcing me as he is Catholic and family is everything to him). I am so upset that I would be a terrible mum anyway because of my health problems and low mood and I am very aware of the risk of PND and problems with the baby if you are depressed, but I've been depressed for over half my life now and it's not likely to go away anytime soon is it?

    It's got to the point where even the pregnancy tickers are setting off crying spells even though I am so so happy for everyone on here who is expecting their babies. I just really don't feel like this could be me anymore.

    What am I missing? I just be doing something wrong.
     
  2. Tigeress

    Tigeress Well-Known Member

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    Your not doing anything wrong Hun, I've been off the forum for a couple of months because each time the period come up I was so disappointed. It's been 11 months and still nothing and I'm getting so disheartened now that I'm still not pregnant. It's driving me crazy.. I'm in my ovulation days at the minute so maybe this will be the month.. I hope.. I honestly know how you feel and as much as you want to stay upbeat it's hard to. Wishing you lots of luck and babydust xx
     
  3. xMillie

    xMillie Well-Known Member

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    *hugs* Broody, you are definitely not doing anything wrong and I totally understand.
    (BDing more than me right now that's for sure lol)

    Don't ever give up though. I'm still here trying after 3 years of TTC and far from giving up yet!
    One day we will all have our BFPs and all these months and months or trying will just be forgotten.

    (From my experience of them) Antidepressants can you make you feel really awful. They made me feel so numb and not care for anything. So maybe this is why you think/feel all these things?


    Fingers crossed that this will be your month! x
     
  4. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

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    I think your right that you have alot going on. Work health ttc and relationship wise. I dont mean you are having trouble with OH but you seem to feel like hed divorse you if you didnt have a child. Holding on to feelings like that coupled with other life pressures only makes TTCing and life more stressful.

    Have you hada chat with OH about how you feel and what would happen if you didnt conceive? I think it perhaps help with reassurance to some of the things your worried about? Plus its always good to know your on the same page.

    Id perhaps speak with your GP again and tell them your plan. You are entitled to be happy and if getting your health on track to have a baby your GP should be helping you, esp if the medication isnt working, which might also be because of TTC stress and other stressors. But they cannot write you off as depressed and not deserving a family. So explain what your goals are.

    If I were in your shoes Id make a plan and continue focusing on your weight goals as you need something to motivate you atm. Tackling each thing slowly but surely get things better. Id also maybe speak to a councillor, only because with so much going on perhaps OH and the GP arent the best people to guide and advise you through this.

    Sorry if I seemed a bit blunt or assuming. It just seems a very stressful situation. Im only on cycle 4 but have seen ladies were you are. So dont feel alone, and look after yourself. It will happen for you.

    xxxx
     
  5. broody2013

    broody2013 Well-Known Member

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    Tigress - thanks for your reply. I really really hope this is your month Hun!

    Millie - thank you, you are right it will be worth it when BFP occurs! Yeah I'm not feeling the best on these ones I have asked to come off them but GP is a bit reluctant I will ask again next time.

    Russel - I am on the wait list for talking therapy but it will be a long wait. Thanks for your reply. I have spoken to him about it but he isn't bothered as for him it's 'when' we get pregnant but for me it's an 'if' we ever get pregnant! Yeah I do feel like I'm basically not allowed a family because of my depression you hit the nail on the head there. I might try broaching the subject with the doctor at some point it would be a lot easier if I could stop these tablets first so might try that first. I will keep going to the gym and continue a healthy eating plan, it's slowly but steadily coming off and I agree I need something I can focus on which actually gets me some results! Thanks so much for your reply xxx

    Thanks girls I am touched by your kind replies xxxxx
     
  6. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    Hey

    Your health problems have no bearing whatsoever on your ability to be a good parent so please don't ever think that. Love and care makes a good mum.

    Also, as said above, I would try going back to your doctor.

    I'm sure your husband wouldn't really divorce you. It is so common these days to take time. And you can always adopt if it comes to it and have your family that way. So stay positive. Xx
     
  7. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

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    Yeah the more other things that you tick off whether it be exercising,eating good and losing weight plus talking to someone, all those count towards having a baby so try keep that in mind. Plus the weight thing you can do as you TTC. Its always a good motivator if we are eating and feeling good about ourself.

    Your GP should be able to try some different medication that you can use whilst ttc and pregnancy, because if the ones you are on now would need to change and balancing anti depressants is trial and error, what works right for you. Try asking your GP to push for the counseling to be a bit quicker, its all very well taking the medication but in order for them to fully work, you need to work out issues that have led you to them in the first place.

    Youll probably find baby worries is hogging your brain. It sends the best of us nuts.

    Keep up what you have been doing and try remain positive.

    xxxx
     
  8. SpiritedAway

    SpiritedAway Well-Known Member

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    Broody I'm so sorry, I wish I could give you a big hug. I've found trying for our first baby has been a massive stress (mostly on me). We both got tested and it came back with just me having a few problems so it caused more distress for myself.

    I really do think like Russell has suggested, that you need to have to sit down and talk to your OH. Tell him what you are thinking and how you are feeling too, I'm a firm believer of being open with my feelings but I also think with how you are feeling you need a lot of support right now.

    I actually don't think its worth telling your GP if I'm honest, I think it might be worth just hanging in there and waiting for councilling.. I don't find Gps very useful when it comes to depression unless they refer you as there's not a lot they can do (not to say they're not helpful, it's just limited help).

    How long have you been on your tablets ? Usually if nothing has improved during a month they take you up a dose so that itself might be worth mentioning.

    Having little stumbling blocks in life where your not yourself has no baring on whether you're going to be the most brilliant mummy or not. It happens to the best of us, just try to remember this and stay postive and let people know when you are struggling (don't be "strong", cause it eventually breaks you, even if you're trying to prevent hurting people).

    I'm sure it will happen eventually lovely, the best things are worth waiting for :hug: xxx
     
    #8 SpiritedAway, Jan 4, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2016
  9. broody2013

    broody2013 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks girls.

    Phoenix - thank you. When AF shows I will have another chat with him about things. I will see how I feel when I see the doctor next and if I feel brave I might mention it then if not I plan to at some point soon thank you :)

    Thanks Russel, I will ask about the referral again when I can that's a good idea :)

    Spirited I've been on these since May after swapping and changing some others several times until they found some that actually were helpful.

    Thanks for all the support girls it's really helped xxx
     

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