First-time Mums: Expectations vs What we actually know...?!

[Piglet's Mama]

Me & my preggo friend were talking last week about how women are just expected to *know* things when they have a baby. We were saying how actually, we're totally stumped about things like warming up a bottle, exactly how often to feed LO, how to swaddle the baby, when to implement a routine etc

Is anyone else feeling the same, and if so - where do you find the bloody answers?

I feel like I need to order 20 books off Amazon about what to do when the baby actually gets here... Wondering if it's worth having this post as a place to ask these questions, no matter how basic or silly they might sound; what do you think? Then we can help each other out and all the other experienced PF Mummy's can share their wisdom with us too...

What do you think? x

 

[Crimson92]

I thought the same hun, but I was lucky enough to have a newborn sister just 6 years ago and had a wee bit of a clue but its true you have such a bond with this baby you really do sort of just know what to do, and don't forget you have midwives all around you checking up on you in hosp and you can always ask them questions and then you have the midwife visiting for 10 days then the health visitor, your not alone hun xx

 

[marley]

Wow Jenny,

I was thinking the same! It's so daunting at the moment I'm
Just living day to day thinking oh there's a baby coming! Sometimes I forget haha.

I want to order books to, I guess a lot f I will come naturally but I feel like I do need to do a bit of preparation(via reading) even if it all goes out the window when baby gets here!


Can anyone recommend any books/guides/websites?

X

 

[Sarah13]

I didn't have a clue what to do when I had my daughter! It didn't come natural to me either as I'm really not the maternal type. Luckily I had a nice midwife, my daughters dad was a bit of a natural, and best of all my mum came and stayed (she didn't live near me at the time) for a week and really helped me out and showed me what to do!

 

[pinkymum]

Just popping back to say YES I've been thinking the same things! I was really hands on with an ex friends little boy but I imagine is very different. I had intentions to buy books and read up on stuff but haven't. I've read the book I got from midwife but thats it really and also I pop into the baby and parenting section on here. I'm hoping some of it comes naturally and the midwives will be helpful etc. My mum is coming to stay for a week to help too

x

 

[Geminiblue]

OK, you can do NCT classes which can be expensive, but your midwife should point you in the general direction of local free classes. AND things like feeding times is all on the tin if you do formula but if you breast feed just ask your midwife. My SIL and I were talking about this today, I read everything I could lay my hands on, she didnt and we are both equally as good at being a mum. Oh yeah you will be given a book by the midwife, birth to 5 yeas I think. Dont now if any of this helps, but its best to take the information in pieces as you get a bit overawed with it all. I promise, instinct does kick in to a certain degree though, as you know when the baby cries its could be too hot, too cold, need a cuddle or milk. Lots of love milk and a clean nappy xxx
...sounds simple hey ;-> ha ha

 

[EmmBee123]

so glad this is on here. have no idea at all, have nieces and nephews, but never had to deal with a baby 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. it's silly things i'm worrying about, like knowing how to properly bath baby etc.

OH has been through it all before, but don't want to feel like a complete idiot compared to what he knows. Will perhaps look for a nearby NCT class! already booked on a breastfeeding course at our local family centre!

 

[lynne_n]

honestly most of it came really natural for me.. reading up with books and the net etc is a great idea but also try to remember that babies are not all the same and they come into this world with their own little personalities so there should be some flexibility to suit your baby's needs e.g feeding is ideally to be every 3 hours but some feed more/less

 

[PrincessPeanut]

Exactly the same here. I get a bit embarrased when the midwife or other mum's talk away to me in 'pregnant' and 'baby' talk so to speak but sometimes I have no bloody idea what they are actually talking about. I like others have had experience with my niece and nephew but they lived away so it was really only playing and entertaining them and changing a few nappies and a few feeding times but that was more after they were off formula.
The OH is living in complete bliss excited about this baby but I honestly think he thinks I'm going to be able to tell him/show him what to do when but in all total honestly I have no frigging idea and I have waves of panic. I know I've got quite a way to go but I've not had any chance to talk to my midwife. At my booking in and 16 week appointments I was just talked to, drawn blood out of me and sent on my way. I have no idea when/where to look for local breast feeding/antenatal classes, if the mw sorts this out for me or if I've got to do everything off my own back. I really haven't a clue and it's scare me the more I think about it. When I start worrying I think, when i'm a bit more pregnant and the hospital/doctors/midwife think I'm a bit more important and start seeing me more then i'm sure everything will come in time and that sort of calms me down but then i think what if they don't and i'm supposed to have found out all these things on my own. I only just found out reading a borrowed book that babies shouldn't sleep on their fronts and with the feet at the bottom of the cot/basket so they don't slide down.
I'm totally useless!!! xxx

 

[Geminiblue]

Lynne_n is right, mine breastfed every 2 hours for the first 5 months, but this is not the norm and as Lynne said they are all different. The hospital showed me how to bath him the first time before I went home but I was in for a few days. I remember those worries I think no matter whether you read or dont read you will always worry....actually my SIL worried less as she didnt read anything it was me who got neurotic ha ha x

 

[mummyloulou]

So glad I am not the only one..... having been trying to research and find out all..... it really is so bleak and blury. I went to Kiddicare on Saturday to start getting stuff..... and was abruptly faced with a close up shot on a tv screen of a breast pump in action..... squealed a little in horror, and then realised omg am i being completely crazy to be having this reaction then turned to my sister in law who is due to drop any moment and realised she was having the same reaction as me..... sheer horror on her face! lol! its got to be done, but was just so graphic and wasnt expecting it. then we got to the clothes aisle, and i was totally confused about what the baby wears when. does a grow suit only get worn at night> what about the vest thingy-me-jigs do they get worn on their own or under a baby grow? so many things i dont know..... and need to find out soon i think.... or the baby will be in a blanket for a large amount of the time. well..... at least i am not the only one....... but we will get it! i hope!

 

[roxane 1985]

Me & my preggo friend were talking last week about how women are just expected to *know* things when they have a baby. We were saying how actually, we're totally stumped about things like warming up a bottle, exactly how often to feed LO, how to swaddle the baby, when to implement a routine etc

Is anyone else feeling the same, and if so - where do you find the bloody answers?

I feel like I need to order 20 books off Amazon about what to do when the baby actually gets here... Wondering if it's worth having this post as a place to ask these questions, no matter how basic or silly they might sound; what do you think? Then we can help each other out and all the other experienced PF Mummy's can share their wisdom with us too...

What do you think? x

doubt this will help but with my first i didnt have a clue and the dad was no help at all even though he'd already had some kids. its a very strange thing that happens but it seems like almost as u give birth a switch is flicked and u have a good idea how to do everything, if you want little tit bits of advice dont feel ashamed to get youself a book but limit yourself as you dont want to have conflicting information and it will give you basic ideas of what to expect etc

good luck xxxx

 

[Emerald rose]

Dont panic your not compleatly on your own when you leave hospital. The community midwife should visit you at home everyday for the first week maybe longer then she will discharge you to health visitor who will do a few home visits.
You get a book from the midwife 'Birth to 5 years' which is usefull.
My midwife showed me how to swaddle and helped me bath my son when he was 3 days old. Just dont be afraid to ask for help no one expects you to know everything.

 

[MrsR]

I'm gate crashing when I had DD I was 18, had never changed a baby, held a baby, fed a baby and I was terrified! But honestly? You just kind of know! I was shown by the midwife at the hospital how to bath DD but that was it really. Also the bottle warming thing? We don't bother! Lol! We pour in the boiled water, allow to cool and when needed we just add the powder and away we go makes it easier when we're out though was very unpopular with mil If you do warm up a bottle you're advised not to microwave it but as long as it's shaken really really well making sure that there's no 'hot spots' i don't see a problem! And I know so many parents who do it!!!!!

 

[abbiecourt]

u do have a health visitor after giving birth who can give u advice x

 

[Piglet's Mama]

Glad I'm not the only one!

Ladies, please feel free to ask any questions and we can try and muddle through together x

 

[Georgie0]

glad it's not just me! I have NO idea half the time and it all seems complicated, but i have a Mother who is very helpful (and works in a nursery) and my cousin and friend have just had babies.

 

[hayze]

if it makes you feel any better no natter how much/little you know it all goes out the window the minute ur baby is born. After my 1st who was born at 25 weeks I had my 2nd little boy 16 months later and felt like I had to learn it all again as they were so different. My boys ate now 2 & 4 and I'm pregnant with our 1st little girl so I honestly feel clueless as to what to expect. I think majority or it comes naturally but the other bits (mixing feeds etc) comes with instructions on the box ( yes I did have to double check 2nd time round lol) it's all exciting though )) xxxx

 

[kellhod]

I am the same! I havent got a clue but people keep telling me I will know??? I have been worrying about all sorts already and I am only 19 weeks. I sleep through anything so been worrying I wont wake up when baby wants feeding etc

How can we just know everyhting? I have booked onto parentcraft classes whoch run for 4 weeks, 2 hours a week so hoping that gives me some help but other than that I think it will be lots of calls to mum and my friends who has recently had a baby

Midwifes are so stretched at the moment I dont think they have the time they want to spend with you

 

[hayze]

It just comes chick I can sleep for England and nothing will wake me but its like like I had a sensor implanted to wake me when baby was crying! It's very strange how u just become s mum. And tbh advice and little handy tips fly in left right and centre on every occasion (even if it is ur 3rd baby ) lol. Enjoy patentcraft chick bet it will be nice to meet other mummies to be xxxxx