first time mummy to be's

[Mrs.s]

Hi Im just wondering if anyone has had to deal with people being patronising or saying horrible things about what you might choosing to do with your child/pregnancy/life??

I was upset by some things that were said to me yesterday just because i have been raised differently to my DH family and im finding it really hard to keep my mouth shut about it all?? I ended up in tears at my desk :cry:

 

[BabyGagasMum]

Oh hun

You will find this a lot now, and when baby arrives, as much as I hate to tell you! Everyone likes to have an opinion, but the only one that matters is yours and DH's.

If someone is upsetting you, try your best to put your foot down. You might be a first time mum but you're not daft hunny!

 

[Mrs.s]

yes I know its very hard as its my dh's family that are saying things! it was basically about xmas becaus ei dared to say that mummies deserve presents too , I then got told how my life was change so much next year and christmas is for kids!

I was bought up differently and christams is still huge in my family and we are all adults my mum n dad are dirvorced and they still buy each other presents and they always have so that how it will be in my house with my kids, I understand that other people have different traditions and I dont comment on them!

I got really upset because I felt like I was being told that I am selfish for wanting to still be me aswell be mummy!

I know its only going to get worse because I was raised so differently from them and they will hate the way I will raise my baby but I dont want to cause trouble for my dh by standing up for myself even though my instinct tells me I shouldnt let them belittle me

 

[Kateplus1]

This is your baby and your family. As long as you and your partner agree on parenting issues etc then that is all that counts.

If people start to interfere and their advice or comments are upsetting rather than helpful...Simply thank them for their contribution and politely say that you will take their comments into consideration.

You know best for you and your family - let it be a happy one! x

 

[jennilisanne]

I agree, you and your OH are the most important people in your baby's life, sod everyone else. But people are always going to want to 'help' by giving you advice that you have absolutely no need for, and not all of it nice - they have too much time on their hands and need to get a life

BTW, I totally agree with you about Christmas. I have made it clear that I don't want baby things for Christmas, I want me things. People can give baby things to the baby when it's born!! Christmas isn't about kids, it's about family. Enjoy it

 

[isobel84]

i hate when someone askes me something like what pain releaf im want when in labour and when i say im hoping to manage without they say "yeah you wait and see hahaha"

i KNOW it will hurt like HELL but if i want to try and focus without painrelief dont try make me feel like im stupid!

 

[Mrs.s]

thanks girls

jennilisane thankgod im not the only one

Isobel - Yes I have had that too everyones pain threshold is different its not for anyone else to tell you cant do it!

 

[BabyGagasMum]

Oooft!

We were talking about this last night - we're adults now, our parents dont give us the big prezzies, we rely on each other!!

Christmas is about family! Not just about baby!

 

[Mrs.s]

I still get big stuff from my mum n dad but my mum is a bit nutty and goes mad on all our birthdays and christmasses! this will be the first granchild so im sure she focus her crazy present buyiong on the baby which is fine but my DH will still have to spoil me cos I deserve it

 

[tinkerbell86]

Oh yep well i think people will be surprised as from now on on xmas day if people want to see us and the baby they will have to come to us!!! i have said to OH that i'm not moving baby around xmas day when all it will want to do is play with it's new toys and i want to create our own traditions.....but anyone is welcome to turn up if they want to see us and i'm even prepared to feed them all (well there will be a limit but my house isn't the biggest!! lol!!)

 

[Lau's]

I have a real bug bare with people saying how small i am for 29 weeks..."when i was 29 weeks i was twice your size"....thanks for that. I have started saying to people, small mumma, big bubba just how i like it. Just because i am small it doesnt mean my bubba is! Shes measuring a week ahead so there!! lol!

Rant over...

 

[flexilexi394]

lol so glad youve bought this whole subject up, i have stupid comments made at me all the time about how to look after the baby and how to do this and that, well to be honest with you, i actually feel quite confident with everything to do with the baby, i feel i know what im doing and cant bloody wait to meet her!!
as for the pain releif thing people are always telling me id be stupid to refuse an epidural. well, its my body, ill do what i like!! lol
xmas is definately about the whole family, not just babies and kids. OH's mum is a prime example. OH said what hed like for xmas the other day and her reply was "well you cant have that cos your baby needs more important things" so that was kind of out of order. we actually have pretty much everything we need, i would be more grateful if people bought me nappies rather than anything i wont use! so im going to buy my oh something nice for xmas. poor sod. lol xx

 

[misty]

Yes mrs s. I agree with the other girls...when i was pregnant at 21 with my first i had every opinion from every1 going especially oh's mum an sister!!!! It drove me mad, iv mentioned it on here before, when i was pregnant it was dont eat this / dont eat that/dont excersize/put more weight on ectect, then wen baby was born it was dont give her a dummy / dont put her in an moses basket / dont ready make bottles / dont warm bottles the list goes on...then at 6 weeks they virtually forced me to send her to nursery, not dress her in frills ect...it was horrible an then wen i regained my confidence wen she was 3months i fell out with oh mum an told her basically to shove her opinions, an told my on mum too althou me an mum are close she did drive me a little crackers to cuz her opinions were so conflictin with oh's mums an i was so confused....so i got it all off my chest an everythin was better an they started to respect my own decisions eventually!!
Please love say somethin now cuz it gets a whole lot worse, let them know wher u stand on there un-wanted opinions now and they wont interfer so much!!try to do it nicely but say somethin obviously afta disussin with your oh! Gud luk lovey

 

[BabyGagasMum]

mrs s i want your mum

 

[Mrs.s]

Babygagas mum I love my mum she is the best totally nuts though!! my mum n dad have been married and divorced twice lol

 

[pinkymum]

Awww Mrs S,

Yep, I'm starting to get the comments and "advice" i know some folk mean well but it is very belittling. And I think with hormones all over the place its hard not to take it to heart at times.

x x x x

 

[Cantstop]

My OH's mam is going to wind me up! Only seen her once so far since BFP but she had "worked out" and told me my due date , got it wrong then when I said what it would be she claimed that's what she said, and she had a list of what I should and shouldn't be doing like I was a total moron and hadn't thought of it myself (you'll have to get some vitamins and folic acid... no, really?!), and then when I moaned about OH not giving up smoking when I've given up everything she said I'd just have to get used to people smoking around me - er I won't like. Gah, sounds really petty but it's her tone and everything.

 

[flexilexi394]

lol wow thats crazy!! x

 

[Cantstop]

She's a canny odd bod!

 

[Amanda W]

Oh hun

You will find this a lot now, and when baby arrives, as much as I hate to tell you! Everyone likes to have an opinion, but the only one that matters is yours and DH's.

If someone is upsetting you, try your best to put your foot down. You might be a first time mum but you're not daft hunny!

100% agree x