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First birthday clash with Grandads 60th - Arghh...family...

kitten2014

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Hi guys, our lil miss will be 1 year old 15th April next year which is a Friday and we have always planned to do something on the Saturday...unfortunately my dads 60th is 11th and they are away all week so have chosen the same Saturday to have their celebration....well long story short we've had a bit of a bust up about it with the eventual offer from my dad to move his celebration to the Sunday (not another wknd as we had hoped!) this has made things tricky as we have family coming down from the top of Scotland and realise that they won't have the same kind of party on a Sunday with traveling back the same day so no drinking etc...

my dad has therefore pushed us into an awkward compromise whereby we either move ours to the Sunday (kids parties tend to be shorter and during the daytime) so that family can spend time Saturday night with my dad and could be invited to our lil miss' party...or we visit my dad before his 'do' on the Saturday giving family the option of arriving early to see our lil miss and we then go on to do our own party in the afternoon making it a hectic day for all of us but keeping both on the same day...Its so tricky as my dad has all along joked about a joint celebration which we said we'd never do as want our lil miss to understand her bday is a completely separate unique day...you may say well its the first she wont remember but we setting a precedent here for future years hence the reason for putting the point across, standing our ground and inevitably having a good open heart to heart with my dad which was a long time in coming...I am pleased this was a positive result and not a major rift (like I had with my mum years ago - long story...they are divorced and remarried...makes things complicated!) and the principle of dad offering to move his party if more important than the actual doing but if we continue on having ours on the Saturday and they have theirs on the Sunday, we will feel guilty he isnt getting the party he wanted...arghh how to solve this one...I will be discussing it again with Dad on Monday, at which point he has said that the one condition he has is if they move their party we must agree to come...sigh...

sorry for the life story and rant but hard to keep this succinct...please tell me someone out there has had something similar happen to them...or had a unique perspective and/or had kids with remarried grandparents in the mix....
 
Not in a similar position regarding parents bday party clashing but this year I've had to move my lg's 1st bday party as it clashed with a course my husband has to go on. It's now going to be 2 weeks before her bday. Tbh I hadn't even thought about that being an issue. My eldest was born on my late dad's bday and last year marked 10 years since his death so on the day I had originally planned to have her 1st bday, my mum organized an extended family meal. Again I changed it to the next weekend and it was just as enjoyable. This year my daughters party went ahead on the date I had chosen.
As for setting a precedent, I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself especially since its your dad's 60th which is quite a big one and something that he'll remember for the rest of his life whereas like you say, your lo won't remember hers. Next year won't be a big one for him and I'm sure there won't be a question of doing your lo's party when you want.
Hope you manage to get it all sorted.x
 
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I agree with goat I'm afraid. If your dad has family coming down from Scotland who won't drink on the Sunday, I'd move your lo's bday party. You could tell her she gets two days to celebrate because her birthday falls on a weekday.

I do get it, its not really about them remembering its special for us as parents but instill think you should be the one to move the date.
 
Could you do it on the same day still? But like you said, have a lil party (normally around 2hrs) mid afternoon for your LO. Gives everyone chance then to get home ans changed for you dads party?

If not and you were planning on making more of a day with it, do something nice yourself with ur LO saturday, zoo trip or farm etc, but id have the party then on the Sunday.

Your daughter wont even have a clue its her party hun xxx
 
My dads birthday and mine are only days apart and we have often had joint celebratations. It hasn't made me feel like my birthday is any less important and in fact has made me feel a bit more special because I share the day with my dad. My daughters birthday is the day before so suspect she will become part of the celebrations.
 
If this was me I would move the party to the Sunday and do a nice family day out on her actual birthday. 60th is a big milestone and deserves a good drinking celebration! Not saying your little ladies first birthday isn't a big deal, it's huge, but she won't ever remember that you waiting 2 days rather than 1 day for her party! Plus it would mean so much to your dad and I'm sure this sort of thing won't happen year in year out, it's probably just a one off xx
 
I agree with the others, if it were me I'd arrange to have the 60th on the Saturday and your daughter's party on the Sunday. That way it's a big party weekend! Take your lg to your Dad's do for a few hours, enjoy yourselves, maybe do something as just the three of you in the day and then have your party on the Sunday where she'll be the centre of attention :)


 
If it was me I'd let your dads party be on the Saturday. You could either have a party for your daughter on the Friday night, like a tea party. Or the Saturday during the day. Or the Sunday. Most kids parties we have been to are actually on Sunday's. And kids parties only last a couple of hours.
 
Does your dad have a big party with family travelling down every year? I assume the party is just as it's a milestone stone birthday? If this is the case then moving you lg's party will be a one off? If this is the case I would certainly move the party this year.

60th trumps 1st birthday for me I'm afraid.

I have been incredibly precious about James' birthday (his is on the actual same day as his daddy) but last year we had to move house 2 days after so spent the actual day packing, moving smaller stuff etc. I don't even have any pictures of him on his 2nd birthday!!

I got myself so worked up about his 1st birthday (we have a massive family but a small house so I was looking for venues and stuff) that in the end I decided just to have a small gathering.

It's really not worth falling out with anyone over. I'd let this one go.

X
 
Its all the same day and same family
I'd have the kids party really early that day. 1030-130 or something then youbhave time to recover and tidy
And grandads party that night
Its a significant birthday which he wont have a party for every year so your LO can still enjoy her day and get to enjoy 2 events when to be fair she won't remember either anyway x
 
I really think you should let your dads party go ahead on the Saturday night, it is his 60th so a special celebration he won't be having every year. I don't think your lo would be bothered about sharing her birthday with her grandad in future either - it would make it more special for them both? x
 
I 100% agree that the 60th should be on the Saturday!! Wouldn't dream of asking my parents to move such a big event as 1st bday can be during day or Sunday!
 
My youngest son was born the day before my birthday. We're going to be having joint celebrations forever more!

Personally I'd do something with your LO on her birthday on the actual Friday and then if you're having a big party just do it on the Sunday so people can go to your dad's do on the Saturday. As long as you're doing something special with your daughter on her birthday, I don't really see the point in making a big fuss with a big party etc.
 
I'd celebrate your LO on the Friday, and let your dad have his on the Saturday.

At that age a party is more for you than your little one anyway. They'll want to open presents, play with toys. But everything else they won't care about.
 
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Thanks guys for all your useful comments, we are thinking of having her party on same day but it means we wouldn't be at the 'party' aspect of my Dad's day but would still see him that day..in fairness it is a small gathering of family who may in fact come down the night before if they know we will be there in the morning, they will then continue their celebrations through the day, we were never planning on being there in the evening as wanted to get our lil miss home to her bed as not setup at dads yet. This way he still keeps his party on the same day no shifting but we also have ours later the same day. that way sunday is clear for all concerned preparing for work and/or traveling back. I appreciate your comments about his bday being a big milestone and I accept that but you also need to be aware that my dad is used to getting his own way being a boss of a large organisation and likes to show off people and things and didnt want to be pushed into a trophy party event hence why we wanted to make a point of saying 'hang on, didnt you think we'd want a party the same day?'...the thing is we were not consulted just told to keep the diary free..thats whats bugged us...if we had been consulted from the very off we could have avoided all of this...as it is I said what I did to make a point that nomore will I be a pushover agreeing to whatever dad wants...now the point has hit home and dad offered to move his 'do'...moving it isnt necessary any longer...do you see where im coming from? it was the principle of the matter not the actual event....it may seem a longwinded way of doing things but ive had this issue with my mum previously and dad knows this so he is being careful...they need to realise that now we're parents ourselves things may change a bit....
 
Only you will understand how things are with him
And only you will know what is best for your wee family too x
 
It's a hard one but I agree with everyone else.
My little boy has the same birthday as his grandad (hubbys dad) and he is very selfish and hasn't visited once on ollys birthday to see him because it's his own. He never even came to see us in hospital after I had him. Iv just had to let it slip, it's his loss and he is missing out on memories

Xx
 
thanks its good to hear different perspectives. will be talking to my dad tonight so fx it goes well...
 

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