FF - missing out on bonding?

[beanster]

I wanted to bf Holly but after an exciting start in scbu where she was fed a variety of ways and then issues with bf once home i switched to ff. Felt guilty for ages and beat myself up over it but had a happy thriving baby and a very less stressed mummy. I find bottle time a cosy snuggly time, especially the bedtime bottle and still a bonding time. Also let oh bond over feeding times too. Just wondered how you all felt?

 

[LaurenMM]

I felt the same hun too, felt such a failure. I stopped because I was just exhausted. Throughout tri3 I had insomnia and I was getting 4-5 hours sleep a night, sometimes less. I got an hours kip the night before my induction, no sleep the day of induction as I was contracting all through the night and I had real difficulty with latching and I had zero support from the hospital, which resulted in Angel really upset because she was hungry and me getting upset because I couldn't feed her. I managed to do it exclusively for a week and expressed for a further 3 days then just completely switched to formula. I missed that special skin-to-skin bond immediately and felt like I'd really let her down but it got easier. I absolutely love feeding her, its all just quiet and peaceful and I love having the cuddle with her and kissing her and sometimes I'll stick a vest on or just my bra and have more skin-to-skin with her. I've learnt not to beat myself up so much about it as I honestly did the best I could. I still believe you can bond just as much with FF, I don't do anything else while feeding her, my attention is all on her and she's really content xx

 

[tinks77]

I have bf & ff and found that for me personally I bonded better with bottles as I was just getting stressed out and switching myself off when breastfeeding.
My OH said it's was a horrible sight of me breastfeeding and staring out of the window as I wouldn't look at her. Once I switched to formula we would happily snuggle up on the sofa and I would lean down a be whispering in her ear

 

[wannabmummy]

I am expressing and feeding Theo breastmilk in a bottle because he got so fussy and stopped taking the boob, so 4 days ago I started expressing and giving it via bottle. I really miss breastfeeding and every day I try and put him on but he's just got lazy, and doesn't want to work for it now the bottle gives it to him straight away.

Even though I miss the closeness you get from breastfeeding, he looks at me more now I bottle feed (don't know why, but when I was BF he would look at everything but me during a feed!) and he still holds my hand and stuff which feels nice. Also he is happier and so am I and feeding times aren't stressful anymore so feels like the right choice for us! xx

 

[VikkiR]

I had problems bf and was so upset, I beat myself up for a long time. My lo doesn't take her eyes off me when I ff her so we still have the bonding experience x

 

[BevG]

i do both and i can honestly say that i feel the bonding is there both ways so please dont beat yourselves up ladies. i get a gummy smile wether its from around my nipple or a bottle teat.

 

[beanster]

Think it has taken a while to get over feeling of letting her down but glad people feel the same about bonding. Holly strokes us and holdd our hands and snuggles in having her bottle which is so special and didn't happen when i was trying to bf and we were all getting very tense and stressed out. Now that she is a fully independent blw'er at mealtimes the morning and bedtime bottles are even more precious to me

 

[Lulabell]

I had to stop bf at 14 and a half weeks. Felt gutted and like a failure. But now that I'm over it, I realise ff is just as nice regarding bonding time. Still can do skin to skin etc. it's lovely. And so much more relaxing then the last few weeks of bf was. He is happy and I am happy. That's all that matters.xx

 

[LaurenMM]

Think it has taken a while to get over feeling of letting her down but glad people feel the same about bonding. Holly strokes us and holdd our hands and snuggles in having her bottle which is so special and didn't happen when i was trying to bf and we were all getting very tense and stressed out. Now that she is a fully independent blw'er at mealtimes the morning and bedtime bottles are even more precious to me

I don't think it's something any mother takes lightly and it can be so soul-destroying. But as long as you and baby are happy thats all that matters. I love it when Angel strokes my face and holds my hands etc and like some of the others said I so nervous when she wanted feeding because she got stressed because of the latching issue and I got stressed because I knew she was hungry and I couldn't feed her very well. So changing to FF was the best thing for the both of us. I was able to recharge my batteries and get some sleep and OH was able to take over for a couple of feeds. The thing that bothers me is when people ask why I stopped and I say it was just down to exhaustion, I've had proper filthy looks as if to say "well being a parent is tiring, get over it" but I've never experienced anything like this before, I was almost hallucinating, like my vision and hearing went really funny just down to not sleeping. I was no good to her in that stateI couldn't do anything apart from feed, I barely even registered her being there when trying to BF and I hated that. You've not done anything wrong and you sound like a lovely mummy xxx

 

[Olive]

I think all us ff mummies beat ourselves up for why we couldn't or don't bf, but I don't believe a ff mum doesn't bond as much with their baby at all. All mummies have a special bond with their baby irrespective if how they are fed. X


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[ISH]

Babies love being fed, and they know who feeds them - don't think they're that fussed as long as they're getting the good stuff!

To me, the first few weeks of BF almost ruined my bond with Vince, he was hurting me when I was already in tatters and having a horrible time, switched to expressing so I could recover, then back to EBF, and it really is just wonderful now, I love feeding him, the looks he gives me and how he strokes me, it's just the loveliest thing.

 

[hellywelly]

Thank god it isn't just me that felt such a failure about ff! But I really feel a great bond with her when I feed and my hubby loves the fact he can experience it as well.

 

[hesty14]

I formula fed from day one and it did not affect my bonding at all. I did 90% of the feeds in the first few weeks and loved that cuddly time. When feeding E really looks at me now and that time just having eye contact is really special. I now feel guilty if I have been distracted when feeding by the TV or looking at PF (!) as it is our time.

 

[My1stBaby]

I defo think us ff mummies are made to feel bad and there really is no reason to! (Even though we all feel the guilt) I had to stop after 5 days for a number of different reasons and I felt bad for days after but it had to be done and beating myself up over it didn't help. I still get a pang of guilt when a doctor or HV asks how I feed but if they knew the full story as to why they would understand.

I love how max just stares up at me and holds onto my hand or skin, I feel completely bonded with him and he's a happier baby now he's ff xxxxx

 

[Nic36]

I agree FF mummies are often made to feel bad, or maybe feel bad due to their own sense of guilt. Personally I did all I could to make EBF work, but I failed, and so felt like a failure for a long time. I combo fed up until a couple of weeks ago, and then switched to EFF. Emily is such a happy, contented baby most of the time - I get immense pleasure from seeing her look into my eyes over her bottle, and she often places her hand on mine on the bottle.
I can honestly say, the breastfeeding was stressing me out, so in the end there was no enjoyment or bonding going on. I am convinced a baby can pick up on it's mother's emotions and state of mind, and so was probably not as happy as she is now that she knows her mummy is more relaxed with the way things are.
EBF really doesn't work for all mummies and babies. I gave it my all - so why do I still feel I need to justify myself when I pick up that tub of Aptamil in the grocery store? I still feel guilty and afraid that someone is going to judge me... But the decision we have made was the only really right one for our little family.

 

[Nurse 26]

i dont think anyone should feel guilty for their choice of feeding, whats right for some dosent work for others, as long as mum and baby are happy thats all that matters, we just started getting OH to feed harry expressed milk from a bottle and its lovely to watch them bonding, breast or bottle feeding is a great bonding experience xxx

 

[Nic36]

I love how my LO looks at me when having her bottle!

 

[positivity :)]

So nice to see a positive ff thread on here for once! my boy is thriving and every feed we snuggle up on the sofa and i have an amazingly strong bond with him. xxxxx

 

[MrsR]

I ff both my children and have an amazing bond with both of them! Happy mummy equals happy baby IMHO and I couldn't imagine bf (personal reasons) so I was much much happier ff and so my babies were happy. Whichever way a mummy chooses to feed her baby should be right for baby and her and she shouldn't feel guilty about the choice.

 

[hellywelly]

Nic36 she is such a cutie!!