feeling weirdly betrayed

[pinkjumper]

i work freelance and today i met up with a friend of mine, we are *thinking about* working on a project together. she know i am pregnant and she said this really weird thing to me basically expressing her anxiety about what would happen when i have the baby and how would it affect our work etc etc. she started talking about 'managing' it and how hard it would be for her as well as me.

is it an over-reaction to feel angry? NB project is at the moment theoretical, not definite, so could take at least a year to even set in motion.

i just feel like, i'm so out on my own being freelance, i'm so SCARED of what will happen to my work, and anxious about money and how i will cope, and about losing jobs because of it, it just felt so shocking to me that 1. a friend and 2. a female colleague would be the person to essentially express that sort of "once you've had a baby you won't be able to do your job as well" feeling. to my face.

i just didnt know what to say other than - you are talking about this TOO SOON. i mean, im only just starting to get my head around the idea of a baby, i haven't worked out where to live, what to do, and i am NOT legally obliged to tell work people yet right? the pregnancy might fail, i can't deal with that sort of problem right now, and i would kind of expect it from someone else but i'm so shocked and betrayed that this person - who only knows because she meant to be a FRIEND - has said this.

it's made all my fears about work double! if even my friends think i will become rubbish then everyone else wil think this too, and all my hard work will just fall in the gutter

what should i say ??? i dont even know if i want to work on the project now, it feels like more hassle than it worth.

i kind of get where she is coming from, i mean of course she is going to *think* about the impact on her, i just cant believe she started talking about it like she did, as though it was ok to just start implying that pregnancy might ruin our work together. that's how i felt. and isn't that NOT OK anymore????

 

[mrswarner87]

i think ur friend took a proffessional approach rather than a friendship approach, she was insensitive and close minded and also a tad selfish. i do however think that a project so soon after the baby is born will put alot of pressure on yourself to jump back into work and get on with things, trust me a baby puts alot of strain on your body both emotionally and physically.. thankfully we live in a country that supports families while they are young and by that i mean financially, u will always get financial help if needed so dont worry about that side of things u will manage..

take care chick and relax xx

 

[Maria1977]

Your friend shouldn't be worrying about such things atm and should be more supportive.

It is possible to work and look after a baby, you just make it work xxxxx

 

[KarenC]

I'm sorry you feel so bad about work and money! I think if your friend knew exactly how scared and uncertain you were about your ability to work again after having a baby, she'd be more supportive and less insensitive. She obviously hasn't thought it all through. Whatever you want to do, you can make it work around having a baby!

That said, I am in a very similar boat to you - I am freelance too, and whilst I have an amazing and supportive agent in London who will not dump me and will be able to help me manage jobs around having a baby, I'm still petrified that I'll somehow become less reliable, less good... and that they will give jobs to other people instead of me, so my income will fall, even when I am ready to work again. I know it's irrational - we have a great working relationship and they will support me all the way, but it's hard not to think like this. I don't really have any advice other than to believe in your ability in whatever it is that you do - it won't go away! Sure, it will be harder to work afterwards, but it will be OK because if you have talent and you work hard, it's still possible to have just as successful a career with a child as without. I try to tell myself this! You will be fine xx