Feeling sorry for myself rant!

[Penstraze]

First I want to appologise for silly rant and feeling sorry for myself, but think your the only ones who will understand!

I have had alot of hormone problems over last couple of years giving me lots of pregnancy symptoms and lots of times wondering if was pregnant once where doc said to behave like I was pregnant as she was fairly certain I was but perhaps it was too early for tests to show this went on for a month then they told me it looked like I had been pregnant but wasnt anymore so to move on which at times has been quite difficult.
I haven't been trying for a baby and cant at moment but I can't think of anything else practicality wise we need to wait until we are married and my loans paid off and we're more sorted moneywise which we've agreed on, but everyone around me is getting pregnant or trying for a baby and am finding it difficult especially when they arnt being responsible on money side of things etc.
My Sister has just had a baby, my Dad's wife is pregnant (planned dispite him having to go bankrupt when they found out about baby!) my sister started trying for a baby when she found out my sister was pregnant dispite having no money, being homeless and doing alot of drugs, now a friend has said they are trying for a baby and a work college has just announced his girlfriends pregnant, Im trying to think of other things but all these babies everywhere make it impossible (and being slightly addicted to this site probably doesnt help but theres so many lovely girls on here that have given me good advice cant help keep popping back and checking how your all doing!)
I have this feeling that my sister is going to announce shes pregnant at xmas and I just know Im going to find that the hardest cause she is alot younger then me and not in a reasonable possition to have a baby healthwise moneywise or emotionally she's not very good at looking after herself!

Sorry again, I know its a silly rant and doesnt really belong here cause not TTC (but if OH agreed would start tomorrow!) its 7 weeks since I had a proper period and got bfn yest which I think has triggered me feeling so down! Good luck to all you ttc especially the long termers I have been quietly keeping my fingers crossed for all you guys and look forward to reading about your xmas bfps!!!!!

 

[PinkPunch]

Pens, I feel like im in the same boat as you except I only feel down about it the odd time.

We can't try yet until our debts are paid off (not alot, but just want to start without any worries) which will be in April. Then my sister announces that shes getting married in Aug / Sep and im doing bridesmaid so I will have to put it off even longer.

Sometimes im content just getting excited about next year.. other times I get impatient and want it to happen now.

As you said, this forum prob doesn't help those feelings but I feel like I can talk about it here and not with other people.

Do you have a rough idea of when your going to be married etc?

 

[Penstraze]

Hi thanks for your reply is nice to know im not only one im and although I think about it alot it only really gets me down occassionally like you, feeling over emotional today bust into tears earlier for no reason probably means AF is on her way!

Im not getting married until next xmas and loan wont be paid off until summer 2009! Which feels so very long away, I try and just look forward to wedding and not think about it but always wanted to have kids before I was 25 and now cant even try until after then and Im not as nieve anymore about how you TTC and get pregnant straight away!

 

[Loola]

Perhaps this is not good advice but I dont think there is ever a right time to have a baby and you will probably never have enough money to afford one!! If I was going to wait til I was debt free, I will have gone way past menopause by then! People all over the world cope completely well with children and have little money and though it may not be perfect, I think having the love and want of a child is more important than having money for a child.

 

[Penstraze]

This is how I feel and to be honest like I said if OH said tonight lets go for it Id be over the moon but he says he really doesnt want to have a baby he cant aford (and isnt really ready just yet!) last week we had a really good chat cause he was saying he didnt want kids and it really upset me but he has now said he does but wants to be in a beter position house wise moneywise etc first and isnt ready yet, it really worries me though that come 2009 when we should be ready moneywise etc he may find more excuses not too!

 

[Loola]

I wouldnt worry too much, a year before we starting TTC my partner was not ready for kids in the slightest, he was more into partying, getting very drunk almost every night and generally being laddish. So much has changed in that time!

Your partner does sound like he is being very sensible, Im sure he will want kids eventually, he just isnt ready yet.

 

[PinkPunch]

always wanted to have kids before I was 25

me too.

I feel for you, I really do.. its so frustrating. Is there no way you could convince your hubby to try after you are married? Because by the time the baby will be born, you won't have any debts anyway. That means you've only got a year to wait and you'll be busy preparing for the wedding and honeymoon.

 

[Penstraze]

I dont know just playing it by ear at the moment would hope to convince him on our honeymoon but at the moment hes saying he wont be ready for kids for at least a couple of years yet.

We're only using a diaphragm for contraception at the moment which we know is not as effective as other methods but is only thing suitable with all hormone problems ive been having he knows there is a higher risk of me getting pregnant and says if it happens it happens which is something at least, I used to worry if we had an accident because he used to say a baby right now would wreck his life, but he is more receptive to the idea now and would be happy once he had gotten used to the idea.

Its so nice to be able to properly talk about it because of my sister just having a baby and my OH and I getting married soon everyone keeps saying we need to be next and when are we going to start trying and have to pretend like Im not really bothered yet find that hard but at least recently have been honest with OH about how much I want a baby which has helped a little even if hes not ready yet

 

[PinkPunch]

well it could happen yet then

 

[Penstraze]

Thanks Im a stong believer in fate and if/when its ment to be it will be doesnt make the waiting any easier though Just got AF after 7 weeks of waiting did test yesterday and was bfn so was starting to worry something was wrong so is quite relieving, am going to throw myself into wedding plans and work to try and keep me too busy to think too much!