Feeling sad inside

[tinselcat]

Hey there

I'm in the middle of my first period since my MMC at 12 weeks.

I know "you shouldn't think about it" but I'm just so sad that I'm not sitting around nearly 17-weeks pregnant looking forward to the gender scan.

My 16-week midwife appt was supposed to be last week and May 22nd was the day the online calculator had told me I'd need maternity clothes from.

I'm so so sad.

I feel people around me just want me to be over it (especially husband who started complaining after 2 weeks) & I'm tired having to put on a brave face, especially when people I bump into ask me how I've been. What can you say?!

Sometimes I think I'm in a terrible dream and other times it just seems like the baby was just a dream and I imagined everything.

I just want to wake up and everything to be well, but it won't happen.

Sorry to sound so pathetic but it feels like a waking nightmare. I just want my baby and to be a mummy and it's not there any more

 

[greekgirl84]

Hi, I know my mc was alot sooner than urs at just 4 weeks but I understand how u are feeling. I should be 8 weeks now and feel sad that instead my period came today and I feel rubbish. In these past 4 weeks 2 people I know who don't want to get pregnant have and one is having an abortion ( one night stand) and the other went out yesterday and got so drunk and bringing of a hangover today. Suppose it's natural feeling to want back what we have lost. Our angel babies are making heaven a more beautiful place and hopefully will be our future babies guardian Angels x

 

[lizsamuel80]

Hi Tinsel,
I have very similar problems. I should be 38 weeks now with the first we lost or 25weeks with the second we lost. Using my 12 week scan to check to make sure all had past with the second MC was hard. Trying not to think about it is hard and each day there is something that reminds me.

What I didn't expect was how upset I was when my AF arrived the first cycle we started trying again. The emotion was almost as bad as the days I lost the babies. Now I'm through that week and I've started to POAS with the OPKs I'm hopeful again. I just feel like I'm on the world's longest and scariest rollercoaster. I'm really hoping I can hop off in a few months.

FX we get our sticky beans next time!

 

[flisstebbs]

Ah hun, I remember this only too well. There's something particularly awful about getting to 12 weeks, as you've already started to get excited and make plans. I remember last year I felt awfully sad at various milestones along the way and so desparately wanted to be pregnant again. Strangely though it just didn't happen and I think it was ultimately because I hadn't got over it.

Don't try to gloss over or put a brave face on, let it out. It helped me (when I eventually got past the horrible sadness) to focus on some things in life that weren't baby related that I wanted. Its really easy to slip into ttc being your whole world.

I'm sure you will get to be a mummy. I'm hoping I will too one day, but it is really hard to see sometimes I know.

Sending a virtual hug..

 

[CARNAT22]

It never truly goes away hun, but it does get more bearable.

Monday is the estimated due date of my second pregnancy and it is also exactly one year to the date I had my first miscarriage.

Yes my life has gone on and yes I know I have a lot of good stuff going on but you never forget and it never truly goes away.

Don't be hard on yourself when you have these kind of days sweetie, it's natural.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Sunbeam638]

Ah tinsel

After my mc I went back to work after a week but I really was affected by it 3-4 months on and would cry when I was on my own. I didn't think "what if" or what stage I would have been at because my SIL had a due date a day apart so I just blocked it out but I was really sad over the loss. My oh was very pragmatic and black and white from it but things came to a head in the new year and he said his attitude was to try and keep me up beat rather than let me feel miserable. Looking back I was frustrated at the time but it was the best thing for me.

It does take time go at your own pace and do things that will cheer you up if you can it helps no end. For me going to the gym & relaxation classes like yoga helped. I hope you find your release.

Big hugs xxxx

 

[tinselcat]

Thanks ladies, you're all lovely. I get a shock when i go back to facebook, post something positive about my life & my 'friends' start taking the p*ss, as happened last weekend. I really appreciate your supportive comments.

I was partly upset because I'd found some blood on my clothes from 7.5 weeks pregnant that I'd missed and was worried that escessive walking had done for my baby, but the doctor today reassured me it was not so. My thyroid & inflammatory tests came back ok too (altho vit D still v low).

My work provides access to a counselling service free of charge for a few sessions so today i got up the nerve to phone them and they've referred me so hopefully i will be able to deal with this better. I have to say, if it hadn't been for PF and all your supportive messages i would be in a much worse place right now so thank you xxx

 

[jojo3972]

i know exactly how u feel tinsel this past week i have been so upset with my 12 mark coming up sat gone i was realy sad all week and i did a lot of crying and asking myself why me again i want my babies bk and ppl around me like u say expecting me to just get on with it well i cant i should either have a few month old baby (from last mays mc) or i should be 12 weeks pregnant as if i had last yrs baby i wouldnt have been preg again this yr and im just so pissed off with everything and i cant help it altho i did feel a bit better today as my hpt i done is getting lighter from fridays one i did,i could realy do with a few days away tbh but havnt the money bloody car tax and mot all due end of month urrgghhh and its dans bd,jessicas bd and father days in june so am skint for a month lol,hope the counciling helps tinsel i was thinking about this myself will see how i go xx

 

[tinselcat]

Agree jojo, nobody has the right to tell you how you should be feeling or that you should be fine instead of going thru a mourning process.

It's horrible when you can hear the body clock counting & be wondering if that's your last chance. However given you have so many children i do think your natural fertility is on your side, the dr was telling me that after a m/c your body is more likely to 'keep' the baby as it's remember what it's supposed to do so here's hoping all those of us who've gone thru this and are still waiting for our bfps get to experience a healthy pregnancy soon

Love to all xxx

 

[jojo3972]

Here's hoping tinsel just hope my body does not take much longer to return to normal I'm so impatient if I'm not grumpy and sad about mc its cos of my body beeing a dickhead not hurrying up and getting bk to normal, kids n dan must be sick to death of me but they won't show it or say anything but I realy need to sort myself out n stop with the moody bitch lol xx

 

[JJ Mum]

Oh Tinsel , I'm sending you huge virtual hugs today, Iv'e just seen this post

I tried again before my 1st period was due, (I lost at 12 weeks just like you), I had a desperate need to stay pregnant and never get the period, it didn't work, I don't even think I ovulated that month, so prob didn't stand a chance really. Once I started TTC again I felt loads better, like I was able to do something about the situation, but then once AF arrived I then was gutted and tipped right back to the day, like you have done. Don't worry, let yourself be like this, it's natural, expected and something you need to work through,in your own time.

It will take a lttle while, you will have very good days, medium days and terrible days, but slowly you do find it easier again... Your hubby will just have to lump it, tell him its suddenly worse again because your period arrived, men just don't pick up on anything...they need to have it spelled out.

Keep talking to us ladies, we are always here to listen anytime - think of it as PF therapy, couldn't have got through it without the lovely pf ladies...

Oh and you are def super fertile after having a MC, I fell the very next month, don't think there was a day we didn't do it in the two weeks mind....

 

[lizsamuel80]

Here's hoping tinsel just hope my body does not take much longer to return to normal I'm so impatient if I'm not grumpy and sad about mc its cos of my body beeing a dickhead not hurrying up and getting bk to normal, kids n dan must be sick to death of me but they won't show it or say anything but I realy need to sort myself out n stop with the moody bitch lol xx

I hate that Limbo feeling. I was lucky though my cycles went back to normal straight after my MCs. I hope you get back on track soon Jojo.

 

[tinselcat]

Found out last night that my best friend from school who i'm going to visit soon is expecting number 2, her due date is a month after mine would have been

While i am genuinely happy for her i feel really sick inside & like it's another body blow in a long bruising fight (when i visit her there is no way i'm going to be able to ignore her tummy and wonder what i should have been a month further on)

It's like being in a waking nightmare, sometimes the only peace i have is when i'm asleep but here i am awake at 6am feeling sick and upset before the day is even started.

 

[lizsamuel80]

I know exactly how you feel!

 

[dyscochick]

I know how you feel hun, it really does take time, more time that anyone else can imagine, and all the time that you need and that differs between us. I remember getting the email while I was at home passing my mmc from someone at work announcing their pregnancy with a pic of the 12 week scan. It couldn't have been worse timing. It feel alike its ripping you out inside. It does get easier, btu on't let anyone tell you how to fell or when you should be feeling better

 

[tinselcat]

JJ Mum, I definitely feel that desperate feeling.

I've been on the edge of tears all through the day and feel like I'm just holding onto sanity by a thread.

My friend's now announced her pregnancy on facebook and today I missed a call from my midwife who left a voicemail saying I missed my 16-week appointment & did I want to reschedule & she hoped everything was ok. (I asked the doctor's receptionist to cancel this so confused why that wasn't passed on)

Oh god, I feel I'm totally losing it

 

[lizsamuel80]

It's all i can say.

 

[jojo3972]

aw tinsel thats crap i hope mine get canceled they should be all done automaticaly, just remined me i have a reminder on my fone for my 12 week scan that i need to cancel as it will pop up and il lose the plot again ,im feeling totaly crap today and i dont realy know why i just feel like crying all the time this is not me im usualy a strong person but i cant pull myself out of this one appart from the odd day feeling okish,feel like im heading in a downward spiral and i cant stop it soo fed up ((((hugs to us all))))) xxxx

 

[Km282]

I know how ya feel too love, the day I went for my scan and found out I was miss carrying my friend had her early scan and was due a week different to what I would have been, she's just had her 12 weeks scan and i looked at it and cried, it's a hard thing to go thought and my oh is the same, I cried on his shoulder when I found out but then I wasn't allowed to bring it up or say anything cos he would say 'I'm living in the past and will never be able to move on' .. So sorry for your loss always feel free to come on hear n chat if you need someone to talk to, don't feel like u need to bottle things up x

 

[mishi]

honey. I had that desperate feeling for first two cycles. I still have it really, but trying to be more chilled about the whole thing, but it is so, so hard babes
Every Sunday I say to myself 'well today I would have been x number of weeks' its a nightmare really and I'm not sure that will go until after my EDD and I don't have those milestones to think about?
xxxx