Feeling really sad today

[Rednursie]

And I'm not sure why. For some reason I keep thinking about how things would be if I was still pregnant. It makes me feel so heavy hearted thinking of what we lost. I stupidly looked at my calendar and workd out that I would be thirty weeks tomorrow and that keeps going round in my head. Also last night I talked with my oh about what we would be doing around my due date as we had planned on going away but it turns out he's working and that's really upset me. I just dread my due date and don't know what to do. I also keep thinking about them moment the sonogropher told us there was no heartbeat and her words keep going round in my head. I was pregnant for thirteen weeks and saw my babys heartbeat twice. Its so unfair, i feel like Ive had a horrible trick played on me. I know I need to grieve but these days when the sadness creeps up on me like this are just so hard. I feel under so much pressure (from myself) to conceive again too. I'm sorry for the moan but I feel a bit lost today. xxx

 

[netty]

i was pregnant for 14 weeks and never saw my babys heatbeat darling, foundout on my first scan and i will never ever forget her saying

i am so sorry, there is no heartbeat

its hard isnt it, i often picture my childs face ( he or she would have been 3 months by now ) and what my life owuld have been like

but it wasnt my turn, it does get easier sweetness even 8 months down the line i still have pangs of sheer sadness in my heart and in my belly where i used to have my lovely bump

be strong hun, you WILL get your baby

 

[Rednursie]

Thanks Lynette. Some days I'm really up beat and positive but then a day like today comes along..... Gosh, Fourteen weeks is such a long time-That must have been so hard for you. Though I guess it doesn't matter when you suffer a loss, it's still a loss. When I think about those words the sonogropher said it feels like theirs a spear going through my heart. I'm thinking (and hoping) tomorrow I'll probably wake up a lot more positive-These days don't normally last that long, their just so hard when they do come along. It does feel good to admit it and talk about it though. This place is a blessing. xxx

 

[netty]

i dont think we will ever forget or those pangs of pain will ever go away, you just learn to move and and keep your LO in your heart and mind.

I do have sad days, more so when i am alone. i have a good old cry and let it out and embrace it though, greif for a lost one only comes from love

 

[lisey27]

Hi rednursie,

I can totally relate, I have had 2 early losses (7 weeks). I saw the heartbeat twice with one pregnancy and then the third time i was told that there wasnt a heartbeat-I know what you mean about hearing those words over and over again, like Lynette says, it gets easier but theres always those thoughts, hopes and wishes. It is hard to imagine what it will feel like on due date and I expect its different for everyone, for me; it wasnt as bad as I expected and once it went, there was a sense of closure. I still think of my little one and imagine what could have been but I have accepted it all now.
Give yourself time sweet and come on here and vent to us as much as you need, so many of us can relate and understand your pain xxx

 

[Rednursie]

Aw thank you girlies. I know everything you say is true, I feel better for just writing this post. I know my oh is suffering too so it's so good to have another outlet for talking about the sadness. xxx

 

[mishi]

Hi lovely,

I can totally sympathise, I would have been 30 weeks on Sunday just gone and had a complete meltdown on Saturday. We said goodbye to our little man, after a really traumatic time at 13+5 in February and I can't stop counting those weeks every Sunday.

Some days are good and I really try to be positive, but like you some days are bad.

Big sweetie, it will hopefully be time for all of us to have our healthy bubbas soon.xxx

 

[jadelouise123]

same with me, without fail sometime everyday ill look online on this forum or havin alook at how my baby would be developing by now, i havent had one decent nights sleep since
my misscarrige two weeks this sunday. i was 6 weeks when i lost it..its the most awful mentally painfulest thing ive ever had to go through..stay strong you will get ur baby soon
xxxxx

 

[lizsamuel80]

For me The pain is still ongoing I cry almost everyday about it but I get over it faster. It takes a lot of guts for me to get to the shops. It's something that just does not sit well with me. I just have to remember that life goes on and I have two other beautiful children that need their mummy and they have no clue about the pain I have inside. I thank god every day I have them because I don't think I would be able to get out of bed if I didn't. Having said that I probably would have a full time job so would be able to do that I guess. The hours when they are at school and I'm just cleaning and etc are LONG!!!!! Seriously my house can't get any cleaner and if it was we'd all be getting really sick all the time because we'd be desensitised to germs. I love my babies!!!!

I have my first due date in a few days I don't know how I'm going to react but I know it won't be good. I have the second in Sept and I know if I'm not expecting by then I will be in a very dark place. I will insist on a trip to Bali that due date I will need to get away and it will be school holidays here in Aus so it's a perfect time to go really.

I hope you have a happier day tomorrow.

 

[jojo3972]

i am also trying real real hard to get over my recent mmc i should be 15 weeks saturday i keep looking in tri 1 i dont know y cos i woulda been in tri2 by now and i think why me why me again! i will be very posstive one minute and down the next and i just daydream about what should ahve been i should have had a small baby from mc may last year or been 15 weeeks pregnant and most probably with a nice bump and feeling the baby move intead im bk ttc again hoping it wont take to long and that everything will be fine does not help that ppl keep anouncing they are a pregnant a friend told me yesterday that she was 9 weeks but before she told me she tested the water asked me how i am and will i try again etc i am happy for her i realy am but it hurts my heart so much and i think i should be pregnant why did it happen to me again its not fair but i know i have to move on best i can for the sake of my sanity and my oh and my children,and im ok im getting there throwing myself into these fifty shades of grey books whoop takes me to a fantasy land that i rather like hehe (blushes) ...........anyways i hope u are ok and that things get a bit easier for you ((((hugs)))) xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[lizsamuel80]

OK all the mum's talk about when picking up our kids is this Fity Shades of grey book. Is it really that good?????

 

[Rednursie]

Well Im feeling a bit better today thankfully. Had a long chat with the oh about how Im feeling yesterday evening so that helped. Sorry to hear you ladies are finding things hard too. Your kind words mean a lot xxx

 

[lauralou]

big hugs to all you lovely ladies...... these hard times are surely only going to make us one hell of a strong bunch of women? xxxx