Counting lost babies as your children

[jiesta]

Hi, i lost my baby in December and my due date was 2nd July. i've been thinking about my baby constantly and i was just wondering if other ladies who have lost babys see them as their children? As i saw my babys heartbeat i saw my child although my baby died they were still my child and it feels strange now to say i have no children when i did have one growing in me. Does this make sense to others?? Sorry if i sound confused but when someone asked me the other day if i had children it felt wrong to say no. How do other ladies feel about this?

 

[jamiereed85]

I miscarried at 8 weeks April 8, 2006. When people ask me if I have any children I say no. I still feel as though that pregnancy happened for a reason, but that that baby wasn't meant to come into this world. Maybe that pregnancy was just meant to show me how much I wanted to be a mother. Up to that point I was terrified I wasn't even able to get pregnant, so maybe it was just God's way of showing me that I could, but it just wasn't my time.

I have a little bracelet made for a baby that my mom bought me on the day I told her I was pregnant... I keep it and sometimes even sleep with it under my pillow when I feel sad.

I think dealing with a miscarriage is different for everyone. If you feel that your baby should be mentioned when someone asks you...then tell them. If not, then don't. I would just be reassured that you and your partner will always remember that life that started but only lasted a short time and you will always have a love for that baby no matter how many children you have in the future.

 

[fynemum]

I think dealing with a miscarriage is different for everyone. If you feel that your baby should be mentioned when someone asks you...then tell them. If not, then don't. I would just be reassured that you and your partner will always remember that life that started but only lasted a short time and you will always have a love for that baby no matter how many children you have in the future.

I have to agree...... But instead of saying 'no' try saying ' one growing in heaven, Or if your beliefs are different. Don't say no, say you recently lost a baby...... Some people find it hard to say, but i find it easy now.... When people ask me if this pregnancy is my first... I say "no, I have two big boys 17 & 14 here with me and I have lost 3 little ones to miscarriage"

What ever you decide to say is personal to you, but try a few options to see what your comfortable with.....

Telling people you have lost a baby often opens up conversations and can also help with healing as you get to talk about your baby in short quick conversations you can't have with family and friends... you know, more unattached from your emotions and focused on the baby in question rather than your grief....... Do you know what I mean by that? ? ? sounds strange but i hope you understand?

Anyway, take time sweetheart, Be kind to yourself, Lv Yvonne xx

 

[mrs_tommo22]

I say i have had 2 miscarriages, it doesnt bother me, there still my babies, there just not with me.

 

[tracey 2]

hun it makes a lot of sense

If anyone asks me i say i have 2 beautiful angels watching over me and this new one.

Hope your ok hun

 

[Dee1985]

i lost 2 babies

1 at 12weeks the heart just stopped beating i had to wait a few dys see if the baby would come away naturaly but it didnt so i had to have a d&c

then i had another m/c at 8weeks i just started bleeding loads

at the time i was gutted, but now i never think about it, im not the type to let the past upset me, every thing happens for a reason

 

[katyk]

Hi Jiesta, it is coming up to what would've been your due date, so your bound to be thinking about your babies a lot.

I just think that baby Henno was one of the happier things in my life, I'm glad he existed if only for 8 weeks and only in the womb. I did see him, we have a lovely scan pic of him. Just hoping the next baby stays the course

 

[enn]

think i miscarried at 4-6weeks not too sure as the feutus didnt show on the u/s but when it come out it didnt really look like much and smelt bad. i still thought i was pregnant tho when that was inside me as i had the symptoms then they just went.

i still counted that one as a child but course i couldnt see heartbeat or nothing as u/s didnt detect it.had too much fluid and blood.

i couldnt bury it tho as my nans garden was a mess and i could or she couldnt go out there as its in a ditch.i still thinki about my baby i had lost even i couldnt see heartbeat or nothing i still wonder what gender it would of been. how my baby now would have a lil bro or sis to play with if baby stayed with me but its miracle of life

 

[littlepip]

I know exactly what you mean. even tho i miscarried at 9 weeks my baby had only grown to 5 weeks so didnt even have a heart beat at all but that was still MY baby nothing will ever change that, it was a part of me and my bf and i loved that. im gonna have a little angel tattood somewhere really discret in memory. i loved that baby even tho i only knew it for 4 weeks it was still mine!
My baby's due date was christmas day so i will be thining about her then

 

[Happybunny]

I just wanted to give you some big higs. Getting through the due date is difficult and stirs up all sorts of emotions.

As others have said, it is entirely up to you how you remember and refer to your lost baby. I tried to push mine to the back of my mind and I would tell people it didn't matter, it would happen one day.

My therapist helped me realise that this wasn't right for me...I was denying how I really felt about my children. With his help I have given them names and had my own little 'funeral' to say goodbye to them and pass them over to God to look after. This has helped immeasurably.

Now I tell people that I have two children in heaven, because, for me, I feel that is the truth, and I am a mother to those two children.

The most important thing is that there is no right or wrong answer here. You must do and say what feels right for you.

You are in my thoughts Jiesta, it isn't an easy time. My second baby would have been due this week. Please pm me if you would like to chat, I am always here
M
xx

 

[kirstyx]

I had a miscarrige in april and this baby will also be my child. This pregnancy now is my second pregnancy the first one being my first child.

Everything happens for a reason and but to me my baby will always be my first baby xx

 

[trixipaws]

i'm so sorry for all of ur lost babies. i remember why i dont come in this section it makes me sad.