Feeling really down....

[karenandbump]

Hi all,
I don;t post very often...will start though but I log on every day cos your advice always seems really helpful and I wondered if I could ask for some of it for me...

Been for my 20 week scan today and...it's a boy!!! Thrilled to bits with that but feeling really unsettled and wondered if i am going mad or just hormones...

OH and I are engaged but not yet married and I've been sad about the baby having a diff surname to me. OH really wants baby to have his name and even more so now it's a boy...

I'm also feeling like everyone forgets that this is my baby too.. it seems to be him and his family and his friends making all these plans...he can do this and do that etc. I'm happy everyone is excited but I'm starting to feel that my views don't count at all. Was just looking at some really cute trainers that I wanted to buy him and showed OH all excited. He said, oh don't buy those. My mates will get all that sort of stuff...

Probably an over-reaction but this really upset me as I want to think I can buy stuff too and not only stuff that the boys won't buy!!


God...reading thos back I sound so stupid but am starting to get upset...any advice?? Or am I just being an idiot???

 

[Laura_James&Amber]

Firstly congratulations for your little man!
No you aren't being an idiot at all. I feel the same sometimes. It feels like people have the right to tell you how to treat your pregnant body and whats best for your baby. Just remember your his mother and you and OH make decisions about his upbringing together, don't let anyone tell you what to do. People can be so interfering, especially families, their the worst!
Me and OH are also engaged and our baby will take his surname, I wanted to get married this year so we could be a proper family but its had to be put back until next year because of the money but I know it doesn't matter if we aren't married, we will still be a family. Don't feel down about it, the main thing is that you are together and have a gorgeous baby on the way and share something very special, no one can take that away from you. Hope this helps and hope you feel better about everything soon. Sending you lots of hugs

 

[Penstraze]

Congratulations on your little boy! You need to tell your OH how you are feeling about name and buying things keeping these feelings to yourself will only make it worse hope he can see where your coming from and tries to make you feel more in control this is your baby after all!!

 

[hennaly]

Call me old fashioned but this is one reason we wouldnt have a baby before we were married, not because im against it but there was no way this baby is having a different name to me and my husband wouldnt have a baby with my ex husbands name.
I think you need to take some control and let OH know you WANT to buy these things and the others can buys something else.
Congratulations on the little boy

 

[bobby1]

Congrats on having a little boy

Your not being silly at all. I have been feeling really down at the moment too.
Could you double barrel the surname to include both of yours? We have decided to include both our surnames for the LO. I have decided to keep my surname even when married so we thought that would be best. About the trainers, I would be annoyed with OH for saying that. You can buy what you want!

 

[MagicMarkers]

Congrats on the big blue bump !!!


I can see why your pissed off with OH, but at the end of the day bugger him, maybe just explain that nice as it is for everyone to be so involved and helpful doesnt leave you with much to do, maybe give his friends a job you dont fancy, * lifetime supply of muslin squares ??* theyre not so exciting to shop for i dont think, so you can do the fun shopping !!!

 

[karenandbump]

Thanks so much all of you - feel much better for chatting! x

 

[Mildly]

Welcome to team blue hun

I don't think you're overreacting at all. This is your baby and you can buy whatever the hell you like for him. I would definitely tell your OH that you want to buy stuff for your son and if his mates get something similar then they can take it back and change it!

About the name, I don't really have any advice. Our son is taking my OH's name mainly because I prefer it as a surname. I don't have a any plans to get married so doubt I will ever have the same surname as my son (or any other kids we have) but then it doesn't bother me. The fact that it bothers you is the key thing though, perhaps you could bring forward the wedding? Or maybe change your name by deed poll to your OH's name?

Anyway good luck

 

[kerrymac]

Congratulations on your boy hun!!

You are not over reacting at all, you are the mother and your OH is the father, every decision should be down to you two. You need to speak to him about how you feel and try to make him understand things from your side.
When your baby is born it wont matter what name he has he will always be your boy, and if you are engaged anyway, it might not be long before your names are the same xxx

 

[NickyB]

You're not overreacting! Who doesn't want to get excited by buying all the fun little things?

 

[nori]

I definately think you should let your OH know how you feel.. they are men afterall and things do have to be spelt out to them.. they are a clueless breed bless 'em.

On the name front i know how you feel. I swore i would never have a baby unless i was married but things just seemed right. When i went for my first scan they asked me what the babies surname was and i was stumped.. my OH really wants the baby to have his surname and i know at some point we will get married. I thought of double barrelling it but it sounds rubbish. His surname is better than mine though so i'll go with that.

Claire x

 

[dannii87]

Congratulations on team blue

I know how you feel with regard to feeling like a baby making machine Sometimes I feel like once Evie is born my job will be done in some people's eyes!

Have you talked to your fiance about making it a double barrelled name? Or maybe starting to talk about getting married sooner rather than later? xx