Feeling like I've hit a wall

[MoominGirl]

Haven't posted in a little while as I really couldn't face it. Me and OH had our first appointment at a fertility clinic (which will remain unnamed!!) a few weeks ago and we've honestly never had such a horrendous experience with a doctor!! Hoping that some of you can reassure me that our experience wasn't normal.

The doctor kept dodging our questions particularly about OH's sperm analysis which has a very good count but slightly low motility. The doctor was also totally unprofessional by completely undermining another doctor that I've seen and their recommended treatment!! Again when we tried to understand the reasons why, we still couldn't get a straight answer!! The doctor cut across both of us so many times I lost count and just appeared irritated when it was clear that we weren't buying into the idea that it's impossible for us to conceive without IVF. It really felt like a pushy salesperson on commission!! I'm not usually slow at coming forward but the whole thing was so surreal that we both sort of sat there in stunned silence!! I'm so glad OH was there as I really would have questioned whether it was actually a bad dream!!

Of course we realise that IVF is something that we may have to consider at some point but we both know that we want to give our bodies the best chance naturally as no one needs to tell me how physically, emotionally and financially draining IVF can be. It just seemed like it was being offered as a first choice option without exhausting other possibilities first especially when you consider how many couples conceive naturally against the odds and how many struggle despite looking perfect on paper.

I thought we had attended a fertility clinic rather that an 'IVF express' clinic and we now feel more lost and confused than when we started and I'd be grateful for any thoughts or advice about where to go from here as obviously my confidence is at rock bottom. Obviously if there's a time when IVF is right for us, this is not the clinic we will be using!!

 

[Syd43]

I'm so sorry you had such an awful time, definitely not normal in my opinion. I've cycled with two UK clinics and had a great experience with both. I'm not sure what your back story is - age, any known issues, length of time trying etc so not sure how to advise on where to go next other than to say definitely see another clinic.

 

[MoominGirl]

Thanks so much for your reply. Bit of back story me 30, OH 35. Been off contraception for about 2.5 years though around the same time I found out I had high prolactin. Nothing to do with any TTC investigations but by the time I had all the tests and started treatment, the first year was probably for nothing as I most likely wasn't ovulating! That's all good now and all my recent bloods as part of fertility investigations came back normal. Cycles are around 27 days.

One of the main issues was that we were told we would not conceive due to OH's sperm analysis without IVF (not chances would be reduced or may take longer etc). His count was way above normal limits but his motility was slightly low (4% under the limit). We repeatedly asked why this would mean no chance of a natural conception considering that the number of motile sperm would be high due to the high total count. The doctor kept dodging the question. Then we asked about ways to improve sperm quality. Again no straight answer. All we want to understand is the real life implications of the sperm so we can decide on our best way forward. On this basis, the doctor also point blank refused any further tests on my end particularly flushing my tubes which I asked about as apparently there's no point in doing it as we 'need IVF'.

I don't want to be clinging on to false hope but I'm finding it hard to believe that a 4% reduction in motility in an otherwise good sperm analysis will make or break the possibility of a natural conception especially when the doctor was so unwilling to answer our questions about it. Also, it won't matter how good bad or indifferent his sperm is if my tubes have been blocked the whole time!! (I don't have any reason to believe they are but it would be reassuring to know that we've been giving it our best shot for the past year and a bit!!)

The whole consultation just went round in circles with the doctor clearly getting irritated by the fact that we had questions and shockingly expected a straight answer to those. Then it was basically 'we've been here long enough now, the consultation is over' and we left in a bit of a daze and more confused than when we started.

 

[Syd43]

I'm definitely not an expert but that sounds like a load of rubbish to me, saying there's no chance just because of one slightly less than optimum result. If you search on here under "sperm" (nice I know) you'll come across lots of threads of people improving sperm results in various ways. One of the best seems to be the wellman conception vitamins, I would get him on those straight away. I assume you both know all the usual advice about boxer shorts not briefs, no hot baths, not too much cycling, don't use a laptop on the lap and cutting down on alcohol.

If you can afford it I would think about going privately to have some additional testing just to make sure everything is ok with you, just to save time really.

Very best of luck.

 

[Hoping for no2]

I would request a HSG test to check your tubes - not sure if they give these on the NHS, other ladies will know. You can pay to have it done privately for a few hundred pounds. I assume you've had blood tests and scan? My OH had poor morphology but a high count. The problem is, we were told, the bad sperm impede the good ones from getting where they need to go. Not to say it not possible to get pregnant, it just makes it harder. To improve his results my OH took well man vitamins, massively reduced alcohol intake, cut out caffeine and wore loose boxers. If your OH smokes I would also recommend he stops as this really affects sperm quality. We've got 2 kids and a 3rd on the way, and only really had an issue conceiving the 2nd, so it's certainly very possible with sperm issues. Best of luck X

 

[Katybaby87]

So sorry to hear what you've been through. I don't know enough to advise on your situation but from personal experience if you can afford it sometimes paying for piece of mind is worth it! Not that you should have to.

Our consultant is sinilar. He's very lovely but seems to think I want reassurance that everything will be fine and not tovworry so doesn't explain things or give much detail. I don't think he realises that actually makes me worry more! I'd much reather understand the reasons for his recommendations and it would actually stop me worrying about some things.

 

[MoominGirl]

Thanks for all the tips ladies.

We've both made a real effort with our lifestyle over the last 6 months - OH has lost over a stone already. He's not a big guy or anything but it's still a good thing! He doesn't smoke and we're both very infrequent drinkers and very little caffeine. He's been on the Wellman as well as a few other bits. He's going to do another sperm analysis soon so hopefully we'll see improvements. I will be gutted if not!!

Although we qualify for NHS and I'm certainly pushing hard for proper testing, I'm not ruling out paying privately if needed as I'm just not happy to be pushed into IVF without feeling that we've had the full range of testing. I'm also looking into getting a referral to another clinic. What we experienced was beyond unacceptable!!

 

[phonixgirl]

This was definitely not our experience! One nurse was grumpy and rude but that was it. They seemed reluctant to do some tests but I think it was because they felt they were unnecessary and I get that the NHS is stretched. I was not pushed to go straight to IVF and we didn't, and there were some tests they said we had to have done (eg hycosy to check my tubes and checked I was ovulating). I've also just had a laparoscopy, hysteroscopy and dye check (this was after 3 failed IVF attempts).

 

[Hoping for no2]

Thanks for all the tips ladies.

We've both made a real effort with our lifestyle over the last 6 months - OH has lost over a stone already. He's not a big guy or anything but it's still a good thing! He doesn't smoke and we're both very infrequent drinkers and very little caffeine. He's been on the Wellman as well as a few other bits. He's going to do another sperm analysis soon so hopefully we'll see improvements. I will be gutted if not!!

Although we qualify for NHS and I'm certainly pushing hard for proper testing, I'm not ruling out paying privately if needed as I'm just not happy to be pushed into IVF without feeling that we've had the full range of testing. I'm also looking into getting a referral to another clinic. What we experienced was beyond unacceptable!!

Yes def push for some more testing. I'm surprised they suggested IVF without first checking your tubes. Assuming there is no issue with you, the problem we were told with sperm issues is that there's not much they can do to help other than the lifestyle changes you have already made. I know that IUI is very unlikely to work with poor motility and IVF with ICSI is normally what is recommended when you have been trying for a number of years with no success. I guess it will be up to you how long you are happy to try? Bear in mind there may be a waiting list on the NHS for IVF X

 

[MoominGirl]

@phonixgirl I could handle a grumpy nurse or even a grumpy doctor providing they still gave me confidence in their clinical ability. Unfortunately in our case the doctor avoided our questions with an attitude that was bordering on aggressive. As this doctor was also clinical lead I have no confidence whatsoever in the care I'm going to get if I carry on there.

@hoping for number 2 I just can't get my head around why the fertility doctor flatly refused to check my tubes. If I was a lot older or the sperm analysis was extremely poor, I could see sense as time would be short and the odds a lot less likely. Although in my heart I don't expect there to be any problems with my tubes, it would be reassuring to actually know this for sure. Even I know that it won't matter how good or bad his sperm is if there's nowhere for it to go!! ICSI wasn't mentioned just standard IVF. I think in our minds we would probably be looking to try naturally until roughly the 2 year mark from when we know I've been ovulating providing we both feel that we've done everything in our power to make it happen. I hope that makes sense.

Thanks to everyone for their input.