Feeling like a failure

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by Monkey, Feb 3, 2012.

  1. Monkey

    Monkey Well-Known Member

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    I have gone so far backwards and things are worse than when she was born and now I am sitting here on the verge of tears, wondering what I am doing wrong.

    E used to be able to self settle and was getting into a bedtime routine where she would have her last feed at round 8:30pm and be asleep by 9pm. She would then sleep for between 10 - 12 hrs. Now I struggle to get her to bed before midnight most nights, she won't self settle and will wake as soon as she is placed in her crib. She will also only sleep for about 3 - 4 hrs now before waking.

    It took me 6 hrs to get her to bed after she woke at 2am last night. Tonight I have already tried 3 times to take her to bed but she wakes and screams till I pick her up. As I said, I don't know what I am doing wrong, but I feel like I'm failing.:wall2:

    Sorry for the rant. It was either rant or cry my eyes out.
     
    #1 Monkey, Feb 3, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2012
  2. Alexandra84

    Alexandra84 Well-Known Member

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    Poor you! How old is she? Maybe she's going through a growth spurt or as started teething so she's more uncomfortable or hungry than normal. The only advice I could give is make sure that she's really asleep before you put her down (15min or so should do it) otherwise she's still in light sleep and might wake up. That's what worked for us in these situations.

    I'm sure it'll get better, with babies everything seems to be a phase, the good and the bad times too.
     
  3. Olive

    Olive Well-Known Member

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    :hug: Don't feel like a failure hun. I think sometimes they go through stages of being clingy and not settling. Not that I'm an expert, but today our lo has been more like this. It's incredibly frustrating for both you and baby. Have you tried maybe warm milk, or a bath before bed?

    I'm new to this, but I'm sure the other experienced mummies will have advice better than mine.

    xxx
     
  4. Monkey

    Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the tips and support. She is 14 weeks today. I have tried waiting a minimum of half an hour before trying to put her down, She only lasted 5 mins before waking up crying :(. I thought it might have been a growth spurt, but it's been getting worse for about 10 days now. She seems really happy and content on me and will fall asleep almost instantly when on my chest.

    I am BFing her and she will sometimes fall asleep while feeding. Bathing her wakes her up so I usually do it around 8 so she is settled for 9pm and it used to work. I thought she was doing so well too.
     
  5. snr1982

    snr1982 Well-Known Member

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    Mine used to sleep all night until 20ish weeks and now he is up every few hours I've even taken to co sleeping so I can bf and comfot him without getting up. It is hard and lack of sleep makes u feel like shit but don't feel like a failure coz your not ! I even tried that control crying for two nights and couldn't hack it. I just have to keep telling myself its not going to last forever!. Once I'm finished breastfeeding things might get easier too.. so I'm hoping !.
     
    #5 snr1982, Feb 3, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2012
  6. Esoames

    Esoames Well-Known Member

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    Could it be teeth?? My baby was an early teether, a touch of calpol and bonjela use to help her sleep. Try and not let it get to you. She has no idea her mummy is so upset, xx


    Sent from my beautiful iPhone 4S using Tapatalk
     
  7. Pinkprincess23

    Pinkprincess23 Well-Known Member

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    My LO started sleeping through from 2 months but at 3 months she started teething.....I gave her nelsons teether powder and it settled her withing a couple of minutes and after 2 weeks she was fine again.
     
  8. Alexandra84

    Alexandra84 Well-Known Member

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    I'd tend to agree with Esoames. Sounds like she's uncomfortable in some way (especially if this is a recent thing) and some babies do start teething quite early.

    Has anything else changed in the last 10 days? Have you started doing anything different at all? Whenever something like that's happened to us we always try to make sure that everything is the same as it was before she started waking etc. just to try and see if there is something that might have contributed to the change. For example, since you're breastfeeding, are you eating anything different that you haven't eaten previously? I found out the hard way that my LO doesn't like it if I eat a lot of egg... When I started having omlettes for breakfast she got really unsettled and colic-y. Maybe something like that's happening with you?

    You're definitely not a failure! I think everyone has times like this. Caring for a baby is really hard work made even harder by the fact that they can't tell you what's wrong or what you need to do to fix it!
     
    #8 Alexandra84, Feb 3, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2012
  9. Pinkprincess23

    Pinkprincess23 Well-Known Member

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    P.s your not a failure hun...the mere fact your concerned says that. Babies dont come with an instruction manual and every baby is diff. Try not to stress yourself out about it... I know its easier said than done. Hope your ok.
     
  10. Sarah13

    Sarah13 Well-Known Member

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    Your not a failure and doing nothing wrong. Kynon is the same just now infact he's never slept more than a few hours. Im bfing too so know how draining it is. I think they get attached to you at this age as well. have you tried any settling techniques once she's fed? I found the dark helps keep Kynon asleep for a couple of hours, being snug and a cuddle blanket. I also spent a few nights reassuring him i was still there by stroking his head or cuddling him and putting him back once he stopped crying. He does it loads in the day too and white noise seems to help sometimes.
    Not sure what else to suggest as Id love to know how to get a full nights sleep myself, 6 hours is Kynon record! Your def not alone though!

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk
     
  11. Sleepy sue

    Sleepy sue Well-Known Member

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    Have you tried warming the sheets before putting her down, using a hb or White noise toy (I've bought Ewan the sheep it's supposed to be awesome) also having something near her that smells of you?

    These are all tips I've seen on here, your def not a failure !!!! x
     
  12. pinkyprincess

    pinkyprincess Well-Known Member

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    Aww love don't feel like that! Your doing great :)


     
  13. Jayceesmumma

    Jayceesmumma Well-Known Member

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    I agree with all of the above, lilyanna has become more unsettled recently, dribbling and chewing her hands for about 3/4weeks, she's defo teething.. Bonjela works wonders :)
    Hope things get back to normal for u soon babe ur defo not a failure!!
     
  14. Monkey

    Monkey Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies, you always know how to make me feel better about myself.

    It's still a guessing game as to how much sleep I will get each night. She is teething but no signs of teeth actually coming through yet, I try to give her calpol at nights when it looks like she needs it, though I haven't really noticed any difference.

    I spent the last couple of days watching what I ate and did to see if it changed how things were, but again no real difference.

    We do have to sleep with the TV on low in the bedroom as we live in a busy area, close to some pubs and late night restaurants, when she has settled, the noise from the TV does help her stay settled, most times.

    Again, thank you for letting me get my issues off my chest and making me feel better in myself.
     
  15. Maria1977

    Maria1977 Well-Known Member

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    It's defo a guessing game when they are so young. Oz was always a random sleeper until he got alot older, but you do get into their ways soon though.

    Don't worry about your diet, unless LO has a dairy/lactose intolerance your diet shouldn't affect LO xxxx
     
  16. Maria1977

    Maria1977 Well-Known Member

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    Oh, and meant to say, you are defo NOT a failurexxx
     
  17. Jayceesmumma

    Jayceesmumma Well-Known Member

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    Glad ur feeling better hun
    Babies change what they want all the time, when they settle into one routine they start wanting another :roll: things will settle soon for u xx
     
  18. prettypenguin

    prettypenguin Well-Known Member

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    Hey, I've had tje same with.Charlie, a friend told me yesterday that sometime between 3 and 5 months they hqve a massive growth spurt, can last weeks so maybe that's got something to do with it?c goes down around 9 and wakes up at 12, 4 and 8am we get up. I also noticed Charlie gets tired and wants a nap around 2 hours after waking up, so like today he woke at 7, ate at 8 and was back in bed by 9...maybe just keep an eye on the time? I also look out for signs, yawning, rubbing face, niggling, disinterested in toys, I usually pit a blanket over half of his face and if he snuggles into it I know he wants a nap, wrap him up, carry him upstairs whilst saying 'naptime' over and over, put him in his bed, snuggle lots of blankets on, draw the curtains.and pop a dummy in with a Pillsbury on really quiet... Usually does the trickk. as for sleeping through let me know! I've tried baby porridge at might, just q spoon but still doesn't work, maybe at 16 weeks will work with you? Just remember it doesn't last forever and they don't mean it...hope this helps, and sorry for spelling, fingers are too fat for the touch pad :p xx
     
  19. prettypenguin

    prettypenguin Well-Known Member

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    Pillsbury= lullaby. I also put the same one on so he associates it with sleep...at night I do the bath routine whilst a hot water bottle is earning his sheets... I have his toy playing his lullaby on his mat with him downstairs whilst the lights are dimmed and he has quiet play (nothing with flashing lights, rattly sounds or noises, just the teddies hanging from his mat. )
     

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