Feeling desperate for help and advice

[JulieB]

Hi, I would desperately like to hear from other mums who have experienced any of the problems we are having, partly just to know we are not the only ones (all of our friends are having a much much easier time) and also in case anyone has any suggestions that might help. I really am at the end of what I can cope with, feel utterly pathetic and a complete failure as a mum. I don't know how much longer I can cope.

I have a seven month old little boy who has been incredibly unsettled from the start and if anything its getting harder. He has some tummy problems which are a big part of it - reflux and possible milk protein and/or lactose intolerance. We have been giving him ranitidene for the reflux for months now and I am BF still (and on a completely dairy free diet myself). He refuses a bottle and isn't good at all yet with a beaker or cup. I have real trouble expressing and we are struggling with the prescription formulas - when we can get him to take an oz or two he seems to be intolerant to the current one (Pepti 2) - screaming and back arching. He wakes frequently at night, often taking 2-3 hours to settle. I am so sleep deprived that I have searing headaches all the time, and the anxiety has triggered insomnia so even when my little one is asleep I am often not. He cries on and off all day long every day- sometimes I can barely put him down for two minutes. We are onto solids now but he hates the highchair, and hates being spoon fed. We're doing finger foods too but he just seems to get frustrated with them and shrieks and cries with frustration. He is a very clingy baby with me and often won't even let his (very loving) daddy settle him. I feel like I have been on call 24/7 for seven months now, with very little sleep throughout and so much anxiety over feeding. I have been diagnosed with PND and am trying citalopram, but one week in I am feeling worse than ever.
His feeding and sleeping patterns are so erratic that despite many attempts I have never been able to get us on to anything like a routine. I am still feeding on demand and he feeds to sleep 99% of the time. I feel like an utter failure. He is miserable no matter what I do and despite being so grateful and happy to have him I have never felt lower than this in my life. Please, if anyone has any similar experiences or advice I would be so glad to hear it.

 

[Esoames]

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, I don't have any advice other than a trip back to the drs, there must be something underlying that isn't right. Youve done so well to get this far bf, and to change your diet to help is amazing xx

 

[GregorysGirl]

Awww hun - didnt wanna read n run - I have no experience of this myself but im sure the other girls with be able to help u some how.

Big hugs x

 

[becciboo26]

Also didnt want to read and run, have no advice but wanted to offer you a xx

 

[Dustbunny]

Wow my lovely you are most certainly not a failure, in fact I think it's amazing you're still breastfeeding after all the problems you've had. There are quite a few of us who have or have experienced LO's with reflux, some ladies LO's have severe reflux and can probably offer some very helpful advice.

I'm sure you know all the usual of never laying flat keeping upright to feed etc.

If you are doing traditional weaning have you considered baby led weaning? He may feel much more at ease if he can control his own food?

Is there a family member or your OH who can look after him in the day whilst you catch even a nap on the sofa?

If he won't let you put him down, have you invested in a sling so at least your hands are free.

I would definitely get back ot the doctors if the meds aren't working bug them and bug them till they listen and if that doesn't work go straight to A&E.

I did read that all breastmilk has lactose in it even if the lady follows a completely dairy free diet, I may be wrong but maybe worth looking into if that's causing the problem.

Sorry for all the questions, I get on a roll.

Big hugs to you I do understand how hard it is when you have a difficult baby, the fcat you have managed so long shows how fantastic a mum you are.

 

[BevG]

i know that we have a couple of ladies, littlemiss and loopylouise who have lo's with intolerance/reflux that is quite severe so im sure one of them will pop up soon to say your not alone hun x

 

[ZMD]

My LO was lactose intolerant which was causing severe relux. We didn't get a diagnosis until 4.5 months until then all she done was scream, be sick & didn't gain weight properly I was still breastfeeding cut out all dairy but it didn't really help (breasts milk will always contain some lactose) so we switched to sma lactose free & she was like a different baby within 24 hours! massive hugs it will get easier xx

 

[mum2b410]

Hi hun- its Karen- just wanted to say that I KNOW u r a fantastic mummy to Edward and in NO way a failure at all!!! I have had citalopram before and I know that it does take at least three weeks to work, but also think sometimes u feel worse before better or that it not b the right one for u! Whatever it takes hun, we WILL get u thru this! I hope the girls on here can give u some help/advice- u could always post in the 'ask a mum' or health sections too! U know where I am if u need me! *BIG HUG* XXXX

 

[leannesxb]

Oh hun you are no t a failure in anyway. Look up some of my old posts and message me if you want to. I know what a clingy reflux colic baby is like. My little one is attached to me most of the time and I have to leave the house for him to be settled by my partner most of the time. I too wa diagnosed with pnd a few weeks ago. xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Squeakz]

My lil one had a cows milk ibtolernce. It was quite sever - he stopped breathubg from it so i know all about the incessant acreamibg the inability to stop the lo being sad etc....could you not tey a different formula and try and persevere qith trying to give some a little bit ib a bottle...also id go back to the drs....dont forget if you do try nd give anything new lo will be apprehensive about it ar first and will kick up about it as they dont know any difference.
Id also go back to the drs and demand to have further testibg on your lo sweetie and if not id go to a and e....

So many big hugs livwly xx

Excuse typos fat fibgers on a touchscreen

Xx

 

[TORino]

Aw hun

My LO has severe reflux. I feel like the first 6-8 weeks of her life were marred by constant crying. I had this child that I couldn't get to sleep that would cry for hours on end. She would cry when I fed her, headbutting me, dragging my nipples about, arching her back and then the vomiting after feeds, spraying me and everything in sick. I was in a mess emotionally. I just wanted to palm her off to my mum but I couldn't express enough and I got very down. I could hear the screaming when the baby wasn't in the house!

The docs didn't believe me at first, it took a lot of trips to get them to help us and eventually a referral to a paediatrician where she screamed and screamed at the appointment and the doc was that alarmed we got admitted to the childrens ward for 5 days.

A few of the ward consultants did not believe there was anything wrong with her either which really annoyed me. I was lucky we eventually got one that took us seriously. They sedated her for a few days to break the cycle of screaming. I was told I was overfeeding her as I used my boobs as a settling method and she was ending up with too much milk in her stomach which was aggravating the reflux. I was told to feed her for no more than 20 mins no more frequently than 3 hours. This has helped.

She is on gaviscon and ranitidine which appear to help a bit too. As with the usual elevating mattress, sitting up after feeds etc. Though I do believe me establishing and sticking to a strict routine has helped immensely. I have set times for feeding and naps that I try to adhere to. I find the more sleep she gets the happier she is.

I really feel for you as it is very tough looking after a child with stomach issues. I hope you have a good support network around you.

xxxx

 

[katie_lou]

I don't want to read and run hun but ur doing an amazing job as a mummy xxx

 

[mummy2b19]

im sorry i really dont have any advice just wanted to say you sound like an amazing mummy i hope it all gets better for you soon keep strong and remember you LO loves you and will apretiate everythong you are doing for him in years to come xx

 

[jojo_2012]

My first child was like this. I couldn't put him down for love nor money. I suffered with PND and was put on tablets, they take around 3 weeks to kick in unfortunately which might be while you feel bad now.

This time around whenever I feel like a bad day is never ending I think about how my older son is now and it reminds me that it gets easier with every single day and he'll soon be a toddler that can tell you what he wants and can entertain himself.

 

[star fish]

Hi hun, as the others have said Citalopram does take 2 - 3 weeks before it starts working, but then it will work and you will feel better I promise

I dont have the reflux issues you have, which sound like a total nightmare, your poor little mite! But I do have a clingy baby. It is really hard, he even kicks off when i go to the loo, even though i take him in with me and put him in a bouncy chair right in front of me, he is fussing because i have put him down. Totally exhausting. But i do have a baby bjorn, which i wear around the house, I got the really expensive one with back support (about £99) but it was the best purchase i made and worth the ridiculous money as at least i can empty the dishwasher and make a sandwich and stuff whilst he is strapped to me. Anyway, you are certainly not alone xxx

 

[JulieB]

Huge thanks to everyone for all the messages of support and advice. We've got through another day anyway...!

Re the feeding and weaning - yep, we're trying to keep in up right when feeding/sleeping (although the latter is difficult now he is on the move), we are favouring baby led weaning over spoon feeding but still he gets so frustrated (also very little goes in and with the reflux we are keen to try and get something solid in him hence attempts at spoon feeding).

Edward was allergy tested under the pediatrician two weeks ago and we are awaiting results, but have been told to expect false negatives, which won't really take us much further. Just feel that if we could get to the bottom of the problems we would at least know what to try then formula-wise etc. All the medical staff we have come into contact with so far just seem so vague and there has been a lot of shoulder shrugging and just saying its very difficult to establish a link between what goes in and the reactions that follow, which just doesn't help us.

I really want to stick with the Citalopram as I just want something to help me and soon, have already tried and failed with Sertraline as it just seemed to make things worse, and its reassuring to hear that others have found it takes time for it to work.

My OH is fantastic, but unfortunately has to work quite long hours and we don't have any family nearby at all, I think this has added to our problems...you don't realise just how important it is to have family nearby until times like this.

Slings - yes, we have two - I wouldn't be without them but he's starting to get restless them now...!

Thanks again everyone, we're gonna have to ride this out one way or another.
xxx

 

[Mrs N]

Ahh hun, im so sorry that you are feeling so low, motherhood is a hard enough job without having a clingy reflux baby!! I dont have much advice as my lo's reflux is quite mild but I know there are ladies on here who are going through the same as you!! It is hard when you feel that you are the only one whose baby is crying but all babies even the best behaved ones have their moments!!
As for the routine etc, it really doesnt matter!! I wud say do what makes your life easy, if that means feeding him to sleep then so be it! They grow up so quick and when he is 18 he wont want cuddling or feeding to sleep!!
I hope it gets better soon for you!!
xxxx

 

[My1stBaby]

Oh no you poor thing I think you should go back to the doctors, or tell a health visitor everything you've told us here. There must be something big going on and you need help. Do you go to groups? Maybe introducing him to other babies might help a bit? I can't give much advice as my baby is only young so I just hope things improve for you. Big hugs xxxxx

 

[kentgall8484]

youre doing a great job it is so hard stay with the tabs huns if they dont work with in 4 weeks try sertraline thats what im on and its safe for bfeeding x