Feeling a failure already!

[Warley]

Hiya

Just need some support really, I have decided that after four days of continual pain, almost feeling rejectful of my baby, not being able to hug him because my nipples are so sore and bruised and also for fear of the "rooting" for nipple look, that I am going to stop breastfeeding. I feel so upset because I was adament that I would do this but feel that another week of this esp with OH going back to work then, I will probably be on Prozac! I am just not enjoying him at all at the moment.

Please tell me I am not the only one!

X

 

[Jen79]

Dont feel bad about it. I remember how sore it was when I started bf my daughter. I absolutely hated it. I dont think you realise how painful and time consuming it can be as I feel we are a bit misinformed during pregnancy so that we will give it a go. I understand that its really good for the baby when you do breastfeed them, but at the same time you dont have to be a martyr to it all. I kept it up for 11 weeks, I can honestly say I didnt enjoy it much and found it a cause of anxiety for me. I felt nothing but relief once I started to bottle feed (bad mother!). I must say though, the pain will ease off really soon. I think it was the first 5 days that were particularly bad and within a week it was fine. Maybe you need some guidance on positioning? Your midwife can help you out with that I think. If its the pain thats making you want to stop then you really should get some advice. Its totally up to you what you want to do. Dont beat yourself up over it.

 

[dannii87]

Oh you poor love Don't you worry, you're not a failure!

I'm not a mum, but I do know that formula isn't poison. I've always been told that breastfeeding for a couple of days is better than nothing! You can say you tried it, and it didn't work for you.

I'm sure your son will be much happier if mummy is ok, if you feel uncomfortable breastfeeding then really don't work yourself up about it because you've tried it.

Breastfeeding doesn't work for everyone. You've given baby somne true goodness and that is not failing him.

I've heard most women get the baby blues - I'm doing my homework early I know! lol They usually go after a few days, but just take one day at a time

Have you got any friends with children? It might be nice to get together once or twice a week to give you your time back...

...I can't imagine how stressful it must be with a newborn, but I definitely don't underestimate a Mother's role.

I think you're fantastic for spotting a problem straight away, that takes courage - a lot of women sweep it under the carpet and it can end up taking over everything.



xxx

 

[DebbieM]

I've not even given birth yet but don't feel like a failure! You're not! Your baby needs more than just milk - whether it be from a breast or bottle. Breastfeeding is too shoved in our faces and we feel compelled to do it.

I want to do it, but I do feel forced into it if I am honest. Therefore, we have discussed that I'll try it and if it doesn't work out then we will accept that and move on. It's not the be all and end all.

I know plenty of babies who have been brought up solely on formula and they are perfectly healthy. I know others that have been exclusively breastfed and they have been more poorly throughout than those formula fed!

Don't feel bad. I know I'm probably not the right person to say this, like I said because I've not go that far yet, but I think you're being too hard on yourself.

A Mother's love is the best food for a baby!

 

[Kimbo]

hey iknow how you feel
i breastfed leah for 5 days but it was so so painful that i dreaded her waking up and wanting feeding.

i gave up after 5 days because it was so painful and my nipples were cracked and even bleeding so i gave in and gave her a bottle of formula and she settled so much better and seemed a lot more satisfied.
but then i regretted it like mad and wish i had stuck at it... so i attempted to re-lactate with the help of a breastfeeding supporter but it just wasn't happening at all.
i wasnt producing any milk, and leah just woulndt latch on
so i settled with having lots of skin to skin contact which is the main thing i missed about breastfeeding... and now every night for a n hour i will lay her naked (with just a nappy on) on my naked chest/stomach and she will sleep like that for an hour and it is just so so so nice to share that with her... and it is still something that "only mummy can do" just like breastfeeding is.

she's also sleeping much better now on formula... every 4 hours

 

[Snuggle]

Dont feel bad hun, do what you think is best. I never breastfed as Maddison refused to latch on to my crap nipples so I had to express for a couple of weeks and I was devastated that I couldnt breastfeed but she has thrived on formula so I no longer feel bad about it. If you really want to continue breastfeeding though then maybe ask HV about seeing a breastfeeding councellor to give you some help?

 

[kalia]

Don't feel bad.

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Your not a failure at all, I gave up quick as well and if breastfeeding is making you feel that bad then dont feel forced to do it.

Do what makes you comfortable.

 

[tuck]

As the others have said, dont feel like a failure, you're not - I couldnt breastfeed Matilda at all, tried a couple of times but she wouldnt latch on plus I wasnt producing much milk so she has been bottle fed from the word go, as her doctor said to me at her recent check up - she's perfect I dont feel that she has missed out on anything and my DH has also been able to help with her feeding etc which he really enjoyed doing.
Just go with what feels right for you.

 

[rachie29]

you are not a failure, the best way to have a happy healthy baby is to have a happ healthy mummy

 

[Squiglet]

Don't feel bad hun..I remember bfing was dam hard and painful when I had Tia. If your nipples are hurting, then the baby isn't latched on correctly... and its really difficult to get that right...there are times now lil miss won't go on right and I have to take her off and start again.... If you feel thats its time to switch to formula then do...Its won't harm your baby at all... and you and your baby will be happier for it... you will get to enjoy him... rather than resent him.

If you can preserver then do...it gets easier after 6 weeks...but... its hard going before then...and I think every mother is tempted to change to formula in those first few weeks...I know I have.

But its your baby and its your decision...don't let people make you feel bad for it... even if you bf'd you'll get some busy body telling you that you'd be a better mother if you formula fed... so you can't win.

 

[Fly]

Warley hun you have done brilliantly to do what you have done and like everyone else has said you are not a failure!!! I could only feed my son for ten days by breast feeding although he had my milk for the first three weeks of his life (was tube fed then cup when first born) I struggled for those ten days and cried my heart out when I decided to swap to formula - I have been quite outspoken on another forum about how health care professionals were prevented from advising bottle feeding when my son was a baby even though this move earlier would have prevented an awful lot of anguish for both me and my son and also would have prevented my son's weight plummetting dramatically for the last few days of breast feeding... you mustn't feel a failure sweetheart because you are not a failure - what is most important is you to feel comfortable and confident and in control and therefore happy xxx xxx

 

[Steelgoddess]

I know nothing abut this but no you are definatkly not a failure you baby loves you and you are fab!!

 

[swan1]

You are not a failure, at least you managed a few days, I didnt even attempt it as i was too scared and embarrassed about whapping my boobs out in front of people, that just makes me pathetic i am 35 years old!!!

Good for you giving him all the colostrum stuff and at least attempting it, he will be much happier if he has a happy mummy

 

[Warley]

Thank you so much for your support (in tears again!)

Your words have really helped me through today! I don't think the baby blues have helped either.

When I decided to stop BF this morning it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. He really hasn't done well on my milk as the HV said yesterday he is quite jaundiced and I really needed to get something inside him - he was never really satisfied on my milk as he could just latch on for hours (hurting like mad) then even after that his tummy would still rumble and it was total anguish for me!...Friends came round to visit last night and were astonished that he was born weighing 8lb6oz...I just couldn't tell them the reason why he had lost weight

Kim that is a great idea about the skin to skin, will def be doing that.


XXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

[lisa&alex]

i have to say everything you have described is completly normal for a breastfed baby, like everyone has said u should be proud that you tried.. if i had read this befor now i would have suggested you trying to get some support, ensure a good latch etc... because it is true if they are latched on properly it doesnt hurt.. i had blood blisters covering my nipples and once the mw latched him properly it didnt hurt even with the blisters.

ultimatly you must do whats right for you, and give urself a pat on the back for trying

 

[Pregnopaws]

Well done for trying, and dont feel guilty at all. No one should ever feel guilty, everyone must do whats right for them!! I'm still persisting with the breast as my LO absolutely loves it so much more than bottle, he literally throws himself on my chest, which makes it doubly hard for me to quit so I have to grit my teeth and try and sneak a couple bottles in when he's too hungry to care lol!

 

[Josephine_Beth]

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND DON'T LET ANY ONE TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE!

You have given your baby a head start with 6 days worth of BM, I was told once that, to be honest, the first week in BF is the most important, getting those anti-bodies over.

Some mums were not able to BF at all and they have fully grown and healthy children.

If you are feeling this way, go bottle feeding, talk to someone, a doctor but do not go on anti-depressants, they make you worse, when you stop them.

My brother is Bi-Polar and he was given mirtazapine, if anything, it has mad him worse. It basically knocks you out for most of the time, keeps you down and keeps you mellow. If you are feeling 'down' talk it out with a doctor, see a specialist but, with a new born, it is hard, very hard. If you need to talk to someone, PM me with a contact number and I'll call you xx

 

[batgirl3111]

I absolutely agree with everyone on here, do not feel bad. I couldn't breastfeed cos LO was poorly at the start and my milk didn't come in for four days. He had then got used to having a bottle. I expressed for 12 weeks but it was such hard work and ridiculously time consuming. I got really upset thinking I was a bad mother but since just giving him formula I am much happier and I think that is passed on to him. You must also think of the bonuses: 1) you can go out, 2) you can have some drinks, 3) other people can feed the baby. It is not all doom and gloom I promise. Oh and I had really bad baby blues and it does pass but make sure you talk to someone if you are at all worried about it...