Feel so low :-(

[JJ Mum]

Hugs Nicky, you need some you time and hopefully this descision your making will take some stress off you both and you can pickup and feel more normal. It's really good that you chatted in the bath , keep the communication open will really help stop it bottlenecking XX

 

[itisbabytime]

Goog luck keep us updated x

 

[nicky1987]

Ok just had my chat with his lordship. Didnt quite go the way i was expecting it too.

I really hope i dont get judged for this or that people think that im stupid!!

Basically i had a massive long chat with a good friend this morning and things started to unravel and become a little clearer in my head. I have decided that once ive finished all the rounds of clomid i am entitled to (obviously i may still get my bfp and this may not be neccessary!!) then i do not want to be refferred straight away to the private clinic for ivf. I want to have some time out so that we can learn to actually enjoy each other and enjoy life again. This has all become a massive rollercoaster with the most heart wrenching twists and turns! I understand that people may think that this is wrong and that i should do anything no matter what to geth the baby of my dreams! This is not the case. the longing and desire to be a mummy and to make OH a daddy will never ever die or get any less. I've lost sight of who i am and who Chris is! I'm only 25 so ivf isnt a desperate thing right now, its not like im pushed for time! Again you may judge me on that one too!

All in all i just need to find who i am again and what me and OH are all about! I've not got much fight left in me i am abcolutley worn out! I will put everything into the clomid rounds i have left and who knows as i get stronger mentally again i may change my mind about the ivf!

OH is keeping an open mind and said i dont need to make any decisions yet and we never know what will happen in the next few months. i dont know whether im making the right decision to just let things naturally take there course after the clomid but i just dont think ive got the fight for ivf at the moment!

i really hope all that makes sense to you all

xxx

 

[laurat]

Makes perfect sense and its what is best for you and your oh that counts. Nobody can judge that apart from you! I hope you dont need to take that time but if you do you enjoy every minute. LTTC is so hard going and can be sole destroying at times. Im turning 32 and have a low AMH level so feel pressured to do everything as quickly as I can (joke is in my area its anything but quick) but if I could I would maybe do the same. Glad you and OH have chated thats the best thing! Hope for you clomid BFP!!!!

 

[hayes]

I dont think thats stupid and im sure no one will judge, i think its healthy to take some time out sometimes. At the end of the day you know what feels right for you and you should do it. Fx you will get your bfp and wont need to worry.

Michelle. x

 

[nicky1987]

I will still do everything I can to get my perfect baby. I'm not saying I will never got through ivf! I just don't want to rush into it at the moment! Maybe my feelings will change and I will want to go for it at the end of the clomid. Who knows!

I just don't want it to seem like I am going up - it was a hard choice to make to be honest but it's what I need!

Thanks ladies for your support xxx

 

[itisbabytime]

Oh hun no judgement from me! This sounds like a very sensible decision. One thing u may want to consider if u haven't had it done yet is your AMH blood test. Not sure If u can request it on nhs but private places will do it for about 50quid. I'm sure the results will be fine though.

 

[nicky1987]

I'm sure i've had it done hun but im not 100% - will check at my next appointment. Which isnt that far away!! Supposed to have had another period before i go - so come on witchy!!!! xxx

 

[MissJuly10]

Sounds like a really good decision hun. I'm really hoping it won't come to that for you and that the 100mg will do the job. x x

 

[nicky1987]

I cant wait for the 100mg!!! Just need witchy to arrive so i can get the last 50mg out the way!!!! xx

 

[MissJuly10]

Hopefully she'll turn up soon, what CD are you now? x

 

[nicky1987]

CD32!! and i dont even think ive ovulated yet!

 

[maybe baby]

Just read this whole thread Nicky and you've made a really sensible choice, LTTTC is sooo stressful and a break will do you the world of good.

Hope you get a better result with 100mg.

You know I know that I always say that when girls have very long cycles OV is unlikely but I really did believe your frer a while back was positive, did AF take a long time to come after that?

Xx

 

[nicky1987]

I still believe it was positive too. Af was between 2-3 weeks after that hun xx

 

[maybe baby]

Just a thought, you can buy different sensitivity OV strips, have you got 20miu ones at the moment, they are the most sensitive, perhaps worth trying although on the other hand you might find the 30 miu ones easier, I used those on the pics I posted on your other thread, they are like no line most of the time and then really dark for OV, you know were you're at with them, maybe try the different ones see if that helps make things easier..

Here's where theyre from..

http://www.homehealth-uk.com/medical/ovulation-tests.htm

Xx

 

[nicky1987]

Yes they are 20miu. will try out the 30miu ones. thanks maybe x

 

[blondy13]

Hey Nicky. You feeling any better today? xxx

 

[nicky1987]

Hey yeah, i'm getting there. More positive and not as down on myself.

Just chilling at home now catching up with my soaps. Gutted i have to be up at 3.30 for work!! eww!! xxx

 

[Drummers_wife]

3.30am for work?! Christ what are you doing today?!

 

[blondy13]

Wow 3.30 is crazy!! You're dedicated!!