FED UP (Bit of a rant!)

Discussion in 'Pregnancy After Loss' started by bluegirl, Jul 24, 2013.

  1. bluegirl

    bluegirl Well-Known Member

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    Hi everyone,

    Just wanted to rant a bit... so look away now if you are of a sensitive disposition! LOL!

    I has a miscarriage at the end of April at 13.5 weeks.

    I was devastated, I have never physically hurt so much from emotional pain in my life, I felt like I couldn't breathe...!

    I am now in the early stages of pregnancy again and my friends act like I'm over the last one now because I'm pregnant again!

    None of them have been through this so they have no idea how it feels, but surely someone can get the picture...?

    If a relative dies, you dont get over it because you have other Aunties / Uncles / Grandma's or Grandad's do you? So why do people think you should get over losing your baby???

    I'm so on edge this time it's unreal, but this quote gets me through...

    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cant change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"

    I know there's nothing I can do other than look after myself, so see this pregnancy through but I could do with more support.

    My husband is away as he is in the military, my family don't live close... I'm totally alone and so glad to have this place to let my thoughts out! x
     
  2. timtam78

    timtam78 Well-Known Member

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    Awww hun, you'll never forget the one you lost hun, you know that. Maybe you can have a sit down with your friends and explain how you are feeling and hopefully you'll get some more support from them? :hugs:
     
    #2 timtam78, Jul 25, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2013
  3. Msclaireypants

    Msclaireypants Well-Known Member

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    People that haven't been in your situation will never understand and I don't think they even try to. You will never ever forget your little one and what you went through was horrendous.

    Definitely try and talk to them and explain how you feel it's maybe not something That's even crossed their minds, which isn't an excuse at all.

    Much love and hugs x


    Spencer David Wilcockson 28/2/2013 6lbs 3.5ozs
     
  4. Lozzaste

    Lozzaste Well-Known Member

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    Firstly - you are exactly right! People's ignorance about miscarriage is staggering! Have a look at the "saying goodbye" charity, I found it really useful after my losses xx
     
  5. queenriccy

    queenriccy Well-Known Member

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    My husband lives by that quote .. Had it tattooed on his side when his mam died 5 years ago

    Xxx
     
  6. futuremummy237

    futuremummy237 Well-Known Member

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    I know what you mean. I lost my first baby at almost 17 weeks in October, and I am now 22 weeks pregnant with a little girl. Because I'm pregnant again, people seem to think it is okay to talk about my first baby as if he was nothing important because he is being 'replaced'. It upsets me so much, my baby can never be replaced. People who haven't lost a baby don't understand I think xx
     
  7. bluegirl

    bluegirl Well-Known Member

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    A member of my family (who doesn't even know I'm pregnant) said this the other day...

    "Well, when you do have a baby, that will be a better one!"

    ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME???
     
  8. T84

    T84 Well-Known Member

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    How rude!! They clearly have never mc'd before!! I know it's hard to ignore but people like that are soooo not worth it in life x x
     
  9. kedi376

    kedi376 Well-Known Member

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    I know where you're coming from. People just don't understand they think they are saying the right things but actually they just make you feel worse. I've had two miscarriages, last year I eventually got my miracle baby and now I'm pregnant again. No one talks to me about the miscarriages they think I've forgotten about them. But those little tiny babies are still in my heart and I get proper sad when I think about them.

    Its hard, and confusing, because If I hadn't had those miscarriages I wouldn't have J now, I would have different baby. I can't imagine that.

    The feeling of miscarriage will never go away, the pain will get better, but it will never leave me.

    It's good you can come here and let it out, there are many ladies here who have miscarried, so you're not alone xxx
     
  10. mrssmith2011

    mrssmith2011 Well-Known Member

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    Bluegirl I have no idea what you have been through as I have never been through it myself but my Mam has lost 4 babies in total. 2 miscarriages one early on and one at six and a half months she was pregnant with twins. The second twin was stillborn, She also had a little girl that died at 11 and a half weeks old. She has never ever forgot any of them and by having us (I have 3 siblings) she has never forgotten the babies that she lost or indeed have tried to replace them. My Mam is in her 60's now and lost her first child when in her teens. She says that you never get over losing a child you just learn to cope with it. I hope people start thinking before they speak around you. Some people seem to have no common sense. I am tri hoping I hope no one minds and that I don't upset anyone with this post. I just wanted to share my Mam's experience. I am very very lucky I have never experienced this xxxxxxxxx
     
    #10 mrssmith2011, Aug 2, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2013
  11. bluegirl

    bluegirl Well-Known Member

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    Had a scan on Saturday - all is well.

    Then someone came out with.... "Brilliant, something bad has been replaced with something good"

    Replaced??? Are you people insane???

    You can tell the difference between someone who has lost a baby and someone who hasn't!
     
  12. MrsPod

    MrsPod Well-Known Member

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    I can only echo what everyone else has already said. I miscarried last year and just found out I'm pregnant again. No-one in my family or close group of friends has been through one and no-one apart from Mr Pod talks about it. I love that quote though, its so true and its what has got me through this past year and a bit. Xxx
     
  13. flisstebbs

    flisstebbs Well-Known Member

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    I've had 4 miscarriages and each one has taken me further away from certain friends, due to a variety of odd reactions, the most common of which was to ignore me completely.

    Now I have a pregnancy that is going well, loads of people have got back in contact. I genuinely think that people are so frightened of saying the wrong thing that sometimes they don't say anything at all which is worse.

    Unless you know this pain, you can't even imagine it. I'm trying to be as charitable as I can be with friends who said and say the "wrong thing" as at least they try. The ones who ignored me, I cannot forgive.
     
  14. bluegirl

    bluegirl Well-Known Member

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    I can understand that friends can be a bit cautious with celebrations because of the previous however, another one of our friends is pregnant (5/6 weeks) and everyone is talking about her names that she has picked etc and talk about it like her baby is set in stone.

    I ont he other hand get lines like "Your 10 week scan is good, but we can start to get a bit excited after the 12 week one and then definately after 20 weeks" and "I wouldn't tell anyone if I were you - it could all still go wrong"

    It's literally like because I had a miscarriage last time, everyone is waiting for it to happen again. No one will let me enjoy this!
     

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