Fear of trying again

[Lulu_Laroo]

I am absolutely terrified of trying again for another baby, as it's going to be twice as much worry as it was before. I feel I may even be too scared to go for the first ultrasound, assuming we're going to get that awkward silence from the sonographer and then the crushing news.
I know it's natural to feel this way, I just wanted to get it off my chest really. I'm so worried that I may not be able to have children at all, that there is something wrong with me.... so many thoughts going round in my head

 

[k8_005]

it is normal to be scared, we found out our baby had a unformed skull at 14 weeks and were told that when we have another baby that we could ring up and book our scans ourselves and book earlier ones than the normal 12 weeks as they understand that its natrual to worry, and can have additional scans to to be sure we are happy, im sure if you contacted your local hospital and asked they would do the same for you, having an earlier scan (8-9 weeks) may mean that you feel a bigger piece of mind as wont wait so long, also with this sort of thing they know its tough they know how worried you will be, all you can do is be as less stressed as possible as it will help baby and you have to be not stressed for babys sake. im scared about trying again, i did everything right took folic acid before and during, no alcohol 9even at my own wedding) no foods off unsafe list, gentle excersise daily, etc etc and still had something go wrong, it may be my body couldnt absorb the vitamins adn folic acid or it may just be a fluke, its natrual to worry about next time, but i think like any fear the only way to overcome it is to try again, dont ever give up hope, people have babies when they do it all wrong , alcoholics, drug abusers etc so there is no reason you cant have a baby when you do it all right, its a hard concept to think of but..... try and try again, hope is an amazing thing and if you dont try you wont every have that amazing baby you want, it wont take away your pain from this mmc or make you any less scared or worried but you must have hope. x

 

[karenandbump]

Hey hon, it is really scary - I was terrified after my mc and it really made trying again hard and I have worried more throughout the pregnancy but I just have to keep telling myself that it will be ok and that I need to get through it to have my beautiful baby... The odds are massively on ur side hon. I have everything crossed for that sticky and we're all here to support u all the way to meeting ur little one. Bigf hugs x x x

 

[Nurse 26]

I know how you feel hun, i've just had d&c due to MMC, worst thing to go through but both me and my husband really want to try again in a few weeks once i am healed and doc has told us we can try again whenever we feel ready.
Just the thought of getting pregnant again and having to go for that scan again makes me feel queezy but i guess we are just going to have to take it day by day, have to concentrate on getting pregnent again first.

Do you feel ready to try again hun? i guess anyone who has been through MMC has to go through all this fear with thier next pregnancy at least we know we are not alone!

Hope you feel better soon. x

 

[mumofmany]

As you have said feeling like this is normal, but it doesn't make it any easier, we have funny ways of thinking after having a miscarraige, i had 2 children then 2 miscarriages then 2 children then 2 miscarraiges so then then when i got pregnant again I was convinced everything was going to be ok because i had a pattern, how silly was my thinking I went on to have a further 2 miscarraiges but then finally got my baby. It is scary and that last pregnancy i was convinced I was going to miscarry and kept to saying to hubby i still haven't bled yet, waiting for it. When you feel ready to try again you will, the more i lost the determined i was to get to 12 weeks i felt like my body just couldn't do it anymore and it became about the pregnancy not the actual baby so I dont think I dealt with it right, but got there in the end. I wish you all hte best and they do say that most people that have a miscaaraige go onto to have a healthy pregnancy next time so fingers crossed for you.

 

[Lulu_Laroo]

I know how you feel hun, i've just had d&c due to MMC, worst thing to go through but both me and my husband really want to try again in a few weeks once i am healed and doc has told us we can try again whenever we feel ready.
Just the thought of getting pregnant again and having to go for that scan again makes me feel queezy but i guess we are just going to have to take it day by day, have to concentrate on getting pregnent again first.

Do you feel ready to try again hun? i guess anyone who has been through MMC has to go through all this fear with thier next pregnancy at least we know we are not alone!

Hope you feel better soon. x

I do feel ready to try again, but I lost my job a couple of months ago and have been struggling to find employment since (great year, huh?!) so I'm not sure it would be responsible to try for a baby whilst I'm out of work, I don't know. Not sure what benefits I'd receive etc.

But yes I'm 100% ready now (I can't wait to have a chance to be a Mummy). Maybe it was very naive of me to assume pregnancy would be amazing and all go swimmingly, because in real life that's not always the case
Yes, at least we're not alone, I appreciate all the answers so much!

 

[Nurse 26]

well i am kind of the same as you and unemployed at the moment, but luckily my husband has a good job and can support us both so i can take a wee while out to have a baby. you should look into what money you can get as im sure you would be able to get some!

hope things work out with a job so you can ttc again soon. xx

 

[catty1]

Oh Honey, We all totally know how you feel.

I still remember the moment the sonographer looked at me and said "I'm so sorry sweetheart, there's no heartbeat" and the bottom fell out of my world.

I've had 3 scans this pregnancy so far and I'm still a quaking mess every time. They are very understanding though and turn off the screens for me until I know everythings ok and ask me how I want them to do the scan; talking me through it, or saying nothing until they find the heartbeat. They are really good if they know your history so don't be afraid to tell them.

I really hope everything works out for you. It's natural to worry and I think every woman who has had a miscarrige wonders if there is something wrong with them. But be assured that the vast majority of the time it was just one of those things.

Good luck x

 

[Lulu_Laroo]

Oh Honey, We all totally know how you feel.

I still remember the moment the sonographer looked at me and said "I'm so sorry sweetheart, there's no heartbeat" and the bottom fell out of my world.

I've had 3 scans this pregnancy so far and I'm still a quaking mess every time. They are very understanding though and turn off the screens for me until I know everythings ok and ask me how I want them to do the scan; talking me through it, or saying nothing until they find the heartbeat. They are really good if they know your history so don't be afraid to tell them.

I really hope everything works out for you. It's natural to worry and I think every woman who has had a miscarrige wonders if there is something wrong with them. But be assured that the vast majority of the time it was just one of those things.

Good luck x

Oh, it's just so horrible isn't it, and you remember it so clearly in your head
Thank you, it is good to know that I can tell them about my past and they can keep me in the loop the whole time. I'm struggling a lot this month - I actually just wrote everything down in an online blog to help get it off my chest a bit (My OH is away at the moment, so I'm on my own) and I do feel better for doing it. x

 

[Lulu_Laroo]

http://misslulette.blogspot.com/

That blog may upset some people, just a little warning. But I wrote down everything that happened to me and all the little details I remember that have stuck in my head. Really did make me feel better. It's a great idea to write things down x

 

[Nurse 26]

I had a wee read at ur blog! alot of it very familliar to me! so sad, really sorry for your loss
glad you feel better for writing it!
Take care. x

 

[k8_005]

just wanted to say i read your blog, while my expierinace was different maybe it would be good for me to write down my feelings as they will help me and others posisbly, thankyou for your idea, hope you get the chance of becoming a mum soon, xxx big hugs xxx

 

[Ndobins]

Aw... i'm in floods of tears, we called our's Bud...

Anyway, phew! tissue needed, bless u hun, u have all my thoughts in ur blog and i feel the same as you, ours would have been due in 6 days time...it sooo tough, we are trying again now, it does help to have a focus, but u are so right about that scan, like they say go for extra ones. One step at a time xx

Good luck and best wishes, hugs xxxx

 

[DanniandBump]

Hi Hun,
I miscarried at 10 weeks in January this year and longed for another baby afterwards.

Trying again is difficult & when you do fall pregnant again it is difficult to settle - but there is so much satisfaction in knowing that there is a little life inside you, that will be yours forever.

I think the hardest, but most beneficial part of coping with a miscarriage is learning to accept that it isn't/wasn't your fault and as horrible as it is, there was probably nothing you could have done/shouldn't have done, which could have made things any different.

Try to keep busy & most of all, stay positive

Hope this helps, xxx

 

[Lulu_Laroo]

Thank you all for your lovely posts - aww, ndobins, didn't mean to make you cry!
I also think a hard part is that you wonder 'why me?' when in actual fact it happens to SO many women and is incredibly common, sadly. So you're really not alone x

 

[Ndobins]

I know u didn't hun....but its all so true to life at mo, i'm a softie anyway, it doesn't take much!!!

Hugs xx

 

[JJ Mum]

Lulu- nothing will make the next pregnancy easier, it will be harder, and you will worry, I could do nothing but worry this time, but having said that the hospital were great and I had scans at 8 plus 6 and then also 10 weeks, as I only lost at 11 plus 5 last time, you see the hb and then you leave the room happy , but within minutes again you think what happens now, what if it stops tomorow, but the scans do help as the risk is less once hb seen at least in most cases. We didn't tell our kids till about 17/18 weeks the next time to save disapointment, as they didn't know what had happened last time, we managed to hide it. (we have told them now - they are older).

You can only go forward, you can only try, and what will happen, will happen, you just have to remember it's all out of your control, and nothing you did or diddn't do brought about what happened last time- no blame is due to you and OH.. remember you do have the chance of a happy outcome..

wishing you all the luck in the world next time round hun X