Today in felt really down. A member of my family passed away last night and I didnt find out till dinnertime and had to spend the rest of the day with out any one to talk to at work.
Im working so hard making sure my diet and lifestyle is right for TTC and I feel like its just a waste of time and just another thing thats going to make me upset. Im sick of seeing women not looking after there kids and wishing so much that I could have one of my own and it just seems like its never going to happen.
I just feel so tired and upset all the time. I spend 7/8 hours a day at work while my husband is at home then when I finish work I feel like I have to spend time with him and I want to but im just so tired all I want to do is sleep. But when I go to bed I feel like I never see him. ARRRGE! I just want to be in the house on my own and be able to not feel guilty about spending some time alone and doing what ever I want to do.
Ive worked full time for 7months now and I never earn enough money to do anything or buy anything. I just work to pay the bills and buy food. Its so frustrating! I love working and I like my job but the constant circle is driving me up the wall!! I want to be able to go shopping and buy stuff or at least be able to go to the cinema once in a while.
I thought today was bad enough but my dream last night brought up bad memories of my past. I was on medication for depression about 3 years ago for being aggressive and not myself. I wanted to be on them for many reasons one of them was because of my weird sleeping patterns. I just couldnt stay awake. I would constantly daydream about a girl. It was like I was playing back memories in my head but as if I was her. I thought it would go after I was on medication but it didnt. After about 4 months I thought I was mad, I didnt want to be friends with any one and I constantly thought about killing myself. I was too scared to tell any one and for about a year I was uncontrollably obsest with a girl id never even met before!
Last night I had the same sort of dream but it wasnt a girl I didnt know, it was my husband. I just constantly feel like people are looking at me and laughing. I dont talk to any one because im scared they wont like me and I think its a joke.
The most annoying thing about today was probably the thread about peados. Probably the 100th post about peados iv done where some one has had a go at me because they have misunderstood what I said, after I told them what id gone though that sort of thing makes life worth living! I feel like no one even cares about me. It took the doctors 3 months to get me a physiatrist (sp?) so I told them to shove it. I dont care if they have other people they have to see, I needed help and they made me wait 3 months! I almost killed myself in the time it took for them to sort it out. Stupid thing is I could have been seen by some one in town that day but they couldnt be bothered to give me the number.
I just have no confidence or self esteem. Its not even coincidences anymore, its just me, I attract bad things and its just meant for everything to go wrong for me. It seems like theres no way out
Im working so hard making sure my diet and lifestyle is right for TTC and I feel like its just a waste of time and just another thing thats going to make me upset. Im sick of seeing women not looking after there kids and wishing so much that I could have one of my own and it just seems like its never going to happen.
I just feel so tired and upset all the time. I spend 7/8 hours a day at work while my husband is at home then when I finish work I feel like I have to spend time with him and I want to but im just so tired all I want to do is sleep. But when I go to bed I feel like I never see him. ARRRGE! I just want to be in the house on my own and be able to not feel guilty about spending some time alone and doing what ever I want to do.
Ive worked full time for 7months now and I never earn enough money to do anything or buy anything. I just work to pay the bills and buy food. Its so frustrating! I love working and I like my job but the constant circle is driving me up the wall!! I want to be able to go shopping and buy stuff or at least be able to go to the cinema once in a while.
I thought today was bad enough but my dream last night brought up bad memories of my past. I was on medication for depression about 3 years ago for being aggressive and not myself. I wanted to be on them for many reasons one of them was because of my weird sleeping patterns. I just couldnt stay awake. I would constantly daydream about a girl. It was like I was playing back memories in my head but as if I was her. I thought it would go after I was on medication but it didnt. After about 4 months I thought I was mad, I didnt want to be friends with any one and I constantly thought about killing myself. I was too scared to tell any one and for about a year I was uncontrollably obsest with a girl id never even met before!
Last night I had the same sort of dream but it wasnt a girl I didnt know, it was my husband. I just constantly feel like people are looking at me and laughing. I dont talk to any one because im scared they wont like me and I think its a joke.
The most annoying thing about today was probably the thread about peados. Probably the 100th post about peados iv done where some one has had a go at me because they have misunderstood what I said, after I told them what id gone though that sort of thing makes life worth living! I feel like no one even cares about me. It took the doctors 3 months to get me a physiatrist (sp?) so I told them to shove it. I dont care if they have other people they have to see, I needed help and they made me wait 3 months! I almost killed myself in the time it took for them to sort it out. Stupid thing is I could have been seen by some one in town that day but they couldnt be bothered to give me the number.
I just have no confidence or self esteem. Its not even coincidences anymore, its just me, I attract bad things and its just meant for everything to go wrong for me. It seems like theres no way out
x
