Embarrassed, confused HELP

[Alwaystrying]

Hi all

Well yesterday we had our appointment at Oxford fertility clinic, it's a mandatory talk you have to go through when looking into IVF.

I have read how some of you ladies found this reassuring and helped put your minds at ease, well it had the complete opposite effect on me, I felt embarrassed to be there ( even though everyone in the room was there for the same reason as me ) it also made me reliase that IVF was my only hope.

I know this sounds silly but at the moment I am living in this hope that miracles will happen and I will get pregnant naturally, however if I go for IVF now and it fails with them telling me it's never going to work, then that's it for me no more hope left. I am 34 so can't really afford to waste anymore time, been trying for 2.5 years as it is

I am now confused, I hated the group slide show, I would much rather everything being done one on one, its a silly thing but don't want anyone from that room seeing me in the street and thinking, oh that's the lady who is also having

Why does the most natural thing for some woman be so bloody complicated for others

Sorry for the downer post, just wanted to rant and find it hard talking to people who don't understand what we are going through

 

[Kay Kay]

Hi hun, sorry you are feeling this way. It sounds to me like you're not emotionally ready for ivf, please don't take that in the wrong way. I understand completely how you feel, I also feel like I don't have time to waste (im 32) and would love it to happen naturally but can honestly say I have (finally!) accepted that we will need assistance and since I have stopped fighting with myself I have felt a lot better. The only problem is now that I'm .in the right headspace for iui/ivf I have a very long waiting time ahead of me and will be nearer 34 by the time it comes around. I think everyone who is ltttc gets to that stage at different times in their journey.

I have to say i found it a bit strange that you watched the video with a group of other couples, I would have been a bit mortified too, but remember you have NOTHING to be ashamed of and all those other couples are going through the same thing so won't be judging you.

Hope you feel better soon chick, you know we are here if you need to vent Xxx

 

[Alwaystrying]

Thanks kaykay, I think you're right maybe I'm not ready, I have accepted that this is the only route for me and I know will need help to get pregnant, just found that experience a bit too open

I am funding this myself also so would of thought a bit more personalised approach would of been there for me, not saying I should be a special case or anything, as everyone in this situation is a special case. I think I just found the whole thing a bit daunting

 

[LouiseB]

I really don't think that IVF is a simple process for anyone and if anyone there seemed to be coping better than you in the group, guaranteed they went home and got a HUGE glass of wine and sobbed while watching OBEM

I go to the clinic and i smile at people and try to interact just because that is the kind of person i am but i don't know anyone that is happy to have IVF unless they are maybe a little niave and unaware of what is to come.

Maybe you will still get pregnant naturally... stranger things have happened, plus if i remember there isn't anything actually wrong with you except your age so i don't see why not xx

 

[Alwaystrying]

No Lou I have a low AMH level and only 1 functioning tube, so IVF is the only option for me

It's sucks at times don't it

Hope all is well with you Lou xx

 

[NickNack]

Hi ladies,

Sorry to hear your in a bad place with it. I find it frustrating too that what we have been designed to do us so frustrating. I have 1 functioning tube as well, all my other tests came back normal (thank goodness) but I'm still sitting here thinking I don't want you..meaning the doctor...taking the control..I want to be in control and now I have to put my situation into someone else's hands to make it happen for me! It's heartbreaking and I get that u must feel frustrated and it's ok to feel this way!

Kay Kay why will u be 34 by the time u have IVF?? Why so long Hun??

Nicks xx

 

[Little_angel]

Sorry you had a difficult experience. I completely understand where you are coming from about the group thing. Not all clinics do that, have you thought about using a different one if you are paying?

Having been under the care of fertility specialists for 18 months, I still found the first IVF appointment difficult. Like you I felt it was the end of the road and the leaflets in the waiting room about help groups for living life without children just made me tearful.

My clinic includes optional counselling at no extra cost. If yours does, is this something ou could benefit from? IVF is a roller coaster emotionally and it's good to have the extra support if you need it.

 

[Alwaystrying]

They do counselling at no extra costs, this is something to consider, I am getting married in June so won't be making any decisions until after this. Thank you all for your replies it's so nice to rant to people who know what you are going through.

Little angel just noticed, huge congratulations, was that on first try with IVF??

 

[Little_angel]

Yes, we are very lucky. First IVF although we had IUI x2 last year. Still waiting on first scan next week though. Thanks for the congratulations.

 

[Kay Kay]

Hi ladies,

Sorry to hear your in a bad place with it. I find it frustrating too that what we have been designed to do us so frustrating. I have 1 functioning tube as well, all my other tests came back normal (thank goodness) but I'm still sitting here thinking I don't want you..meaning the doctor...taking the control..I want to be in control and now I have to put my situation into someone else's hands to make it happen for me! It's heartbreaking and I get that u must feel frustrated and it's ok to feel this way!

Kay Kay why will u be 34 by the time u have IVF?? Why so long Hun??

Nicks xx

Hi nicks, its a 24 month waiting list for ivf where I live (glasgow), they backdate it to when you were first referred so for me that was April 11 so that would be April 13 so I will be 33 and 5 mths by then. Crap since I started trying at 30

Alwaystrying you are right, sometimes its just so daunting and not something any of us ever imagined having to go through. Wishing you tons of luck hun xxxx

 

[Alwaystrying]

You too kaykay, I was not eligible on NHS due to my oh having a child from a previous relationship, these rules are crap

Luck, hugs and love to everyone xx

 

[Kay Kay]

You too kaykay, I was not eligible on NHS due to my oh having a child from a previous relationship, these rules are crap

Luck, hugs and love to everyone xx

Ah I'm sorry you're not eligible hun, I find that so unfair. The nhs would drive you crazy at times! Massive hugs to you Xxx

 

[Chazabell]

Sorry your struggling hun

I'm on my 1st IUI cycle and i find myself feeling too young when sat in the waiting room. Its just stupid things we think about because we don't want to be there, we want everything to be normal, truth is we are perfectly normal....we just need a helping hand xxxx

 

[Gizzy Kelly]

This is totally normal hon i felt like this when we had out first appointment. The room was full with couples and I felt like Neil and I were the only ones asking questions. I think that couples all realise at different times when they have to accept they may need some help. I never thought we would be here and i continue to hope it will happen naturally, but it might not either so if IVF is the only way forward then so be it. I have to say i am very nervous about starting it and I worry soo soo much what will happen if it does not work first time but i guess everyone goes through these fears.

I would go for it. Plus I have heard some fab things about Oxford Fertility Unit. It was one of our choices but it was just too far away for us really.

Keep us updated

Gizmo xxx

 

[Alwaystrying]

You're not the first person to say Oxford has had some good things said about it, plus it does have quite a good success rate, also after speaking to my GP she said the majority of these places do a group talk to start it all off, I think we are going to book it in for the beginning of July after our wedding nervous already but at least we will be (hopefully) getting closer to having a baby.... eeek

 

[Kay Kay]

Aww congrats on your wedding! How exciting, not long to go Xxx

 

[itisbabytime]

group things make me uneasy too. the only group thing i like its when at the fertility clinic in the waiting room and there are other people there and they are onyl there for one reason! the look like "normal" couples just like us, just a little reproductively challeneged