Dont know how to handle things any more!

Discussion in 'Growing Up' started by deedee84, Dec 12, 2011.

  1. deedee84

    deedee84 Well-Known Member

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    Lately my DD (who's 4 - 5 in January) has been acting like a mini teenager, so defiant and gobby! if she does something she shouldnt i can ask her to stop it a fair few times and she doesnt, i try bribing her, taking things from her, stopping treats etc nothing seems to work any more! :wall2: this goes for tidying her own mess up too, she just wont do it and when i use threats i just get "oh what ever" or "shut up!" i have been so close to tears at times as i just dont know how to handle things any more! Just wish she was that well behaved little girl that she was before she started school :( xx
     
  2. littlemiss83

    littlemiss83 Well-Known Member

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    My LO changed when she started school too. She's the same, doesn't want to do any tidying, even though she's told before she takes something out she must tidy it away afterwards. And the cheek I get is rediculous, she's also had me in tears.

    My LO does clubs thro the week...after school - I tell her if she doesn't follow the rules (no cheek & must tidy her own stuff & go to bed when told) then she doesn't go...end of. I have actually kept her off a club because of it, so she knows I mean business. & I remind her of how it felt to not go...to get her to do what she's told. Theres no way that i'm going out my way to take her to these things & pay for classes & outfits ect for her to be naughty.

    You have to find a soft spot I think - something that you know she wont want taken away - a dvd player or Tv or something?

    :)
     
  3. deedee84

    deedee84 Well-Known Member

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    the one thing she loves is to sleep in my bed when my OH is away, so last night when i collected her from school i said we would have a nice cosy night together, get chinese for tea and she could sleep in my bed, she was really giddy, when she was playing up i told her to do as she was told or no chinese or mummys bed but that didnt work, so i stuck to my guns, i got tears about the chinese first then it was "can i still sleep in your bed mummy" so i said no because of her behaviour and she cried for a minute before calming down and wasnt bothered about it any more i think thats what does it when i stop the things she loves but doesnt seem bothered, she just seems ungrateful too, her dad bought her hungry hippo's as a treat last week and in one of her hissy fits said she doesnt want it any more its crap!! I wish i could think of something to take away from her that she totally adores but there just isnt anything, well nothing that phases her anyway!! when shes good shes really good but i just dont know how to cope with her naughty stages any more!
    Motherhood is so hard, i thought the hardest part would be sleepless nights etc...give me those back any day haha! x
     
  4. littlemiss83

    littlemiss83 Well-Known Member

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    Oh it defo gets alot harder when they start school & start giving cheek ect. My LO is really really nosey recently. Reading everything on my lappy & reading the mail & listening to convos ect. Its annoying.

    I wouldn't say my LO is spoiled but I think she gets far too much, she's like your LO...isn't really bothered about things being taken away. I threatened to put toys in the bin, I even started putting them in black bags & to my suprise she started bloody helping me looooool :wall2:

    The clubs has been the only thing so far that we've managed to black mail with. Also, I say i'll tell her school teacher what she's like & her school friends (thats a bit sick isn't it) lool but that works too, she's a bit of a teachers pet & doesn't like the thought of her knowing she gets up to naughty things.

    You could say something like.....I was thinking of taking you to...(mcdonalds/cinema/park) but im not sure if your gonna be good or not - do you want to go enough to be good before hand. Also, my LO gets alot of party invites since starting skl & all her friends go...they're always good for a bit of black mail.

    :)
     
  5. deedee84

    deedee84 Well-Known Member

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    yeah she gets mega upset if i tell her i'm going to have words with her teacher about her behaviour too lol!! At the mo shes doing ok because i "rung" santa the other week when she was misbehaving and told him not to bring her any toys as she was been naughty and didnt deserve it, so she has promised to be good and if shes still being good come friday i said i would ring him back, seems to be working...for now! lol!! Think i will try the other techniques though that you said re the cinema etc as i cant rely on santa all year round haha!! Thanks, its nice to know my little madam isnt the only one and that its not down to my parenting skills!! xx
     
  6. Hope81

    Hope81 Well-Known Member

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    did you try star stickers? every timeshe is good she gets one every time she does bad she looses 1 or more depending. when she has lets say 20 stars she gets to go to the zoo or gets a new dress or whatever. so she can always have a visual reminder of how good or misbehaving she has been. i don't think threatening will work. i didn't work with me either when i was a kid. it just made me lost in my own world, i couldn't care less if no parties or toys etc. i could sit for h alone in my room imagining that i am a pirate in a pirate ship in the middle of a storm for ex lol. had some great times like that loool.
     
  7. deedee84

    deedee84 Well-Known Member

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    hahaha that made me chuckle Hope but your so right, she just finds things to entertain herself with! The star chart could very well be a good idea, may have to get some supplies in to make the chart and make a start on this after xmas, the whole santa thing is working up to press thankfully, we have had a good couple of days and every time shes started with the behaviour i have reminded her and shes behaved lol!! thanks for your input! x
     
  8. JJ Mum

    JJ Mum Well-Known Member

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    I used to think the preg and birth bit was the hard bit , and it's sooo not as they get older it gets worse, it's the bringing them up that's hard isnt it. It doesn't get easier , it just changes ...

    We used star charts and as long as you stick at it, they really can work, just don't get too big on the rewards as if your doing it for a longer term it can get expensive so start as you mean to go on.

    We still use the naughty step now as it's an instant and boring way for them to miss out!!

    Oh and it's notk your daughter , it's school , they all turn into monsters when they start, such a shame, it will settle down after a while
     
  9. deedee84

    deedee84 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks JJ mum, its crazy how much school changes them, i keep telling people she's naughty at home because shes that well behaved at school she feels the need to let it all out when she gets home lol...or as my daughter says, she is naughty because she gets naughtiness in her head and cant help it haha!! deffo gonna go with the star charts i think :)

    Thanks for all your advice ladies soooo appreciated xx
     
  10. littlemiss83

    littlemiss83 Well-Known Member

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    That pretty much sums up motherhood doesn't it.

    excellent way of explaining it. I was one of those ones who thought it got easier as time goes on.

    :)
     
  11. DaisyPurple

    DaisyPurple Well-Known Member

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    Star charts and time out for bad behavior works well when you stick to it, I learned a lot from a course ran at school when my son started school I learned that I held the key to his behaviour so to speak, parenting is a hard job but the rewards are amazing, good luck hun, xx
     
  12. deedee84

    deedee84 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks DP...i must have spoke to soon when i did this thread as not long after i started it my DD has been really well behaved, had the odd hiccup but i guess all kids are gonna misbehave sometime or another :) maybe its because its nearly christmas...who knows, just hope things stay like this lol!! x
     
  13. DaisyPurple

    DaisyPurple Well-Known Member

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    Oh that's great to hear, so pleased for u hun xx
     
  14. sparkles0210

    sparkles0210 Well-Known Member

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    Trust me it will only get worse if it's not nipped in the bud now, have you tried time out? I used it on my son and I use it in my day care. You need to follow through and stick to your guns, the 1st week or two will be hard but it really works.

    Find a place, step, chair what ever is best, I use a red chair.
    Bad behavior,Give a warning
    It contuines, put her on time out (1 min per age do she will need 5 mins)
    Explain why you've put her there
    Every time she moves put her back, don't speak and start the time again
    When complete sit a speak to her, ask why did mammy put you in time out?
    Get her to say sorry, give her a hug and let her off to play

    This must be used the same way every time & who ever minds her must also follow your routine with it.

    It really works, my son has ADHD & I done a 5 yr course on child guidance to help control him and for work. It's the only thing that ever worked and still dose in the day care, I just
    mention "time out" and they stop been bold, cheeky, fighting.........

    Best of luck I hope you sort it out soon.
     
  15. sparkles0210

    sparkles0210 Well-Known Member

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    Silly me didn't read some of the posts you got, looks like your on the road to a well mannered lady. Keep
    It up as it will pay off.
     
  16. deedee84

    deedee84 Well-Known Member

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    ahh thanks for the advice anyway...i think if that sort of behavior flares up again time out is deffo gonna be up there with the plan of action needed haha! xx
     

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