Doesnt have the energy anymore...(sorry its a long thread)

[Pinktink23]

Morning Ladies.... (apologise in advance its long, so i would run now haha)

I am getting sick and tired of the only problem in my life right now is the OH... The emotional ups and downs get me more down then anything... I talk to my friends they all tell me to leave him, i talk to my family, they think hes treating me like a door matt.... i talk to some of the girls on here and everyday its something new they hear must get sick and tired of it too....

Paint the picture for you, Me and OH been together 9months... 2months into our relationship i fell pregnant (he blames me for not taking the pill, i said he should have wore something if he was THAT concerned) Before falling pregnant we spoke about kids, he had already at this point told me he wanted me to have his 'kittens' as he like to call kids, get married to me and live till we was 90. We used to joke about who loves each other more, all that soppy stuff, we used to cuddle ALL night and before we fell asleep was a kiss and the last words were i love you.... I thought after my last relationship this is heaven... I joked one day and said this wont change will it... He gave me all the hope in the word by saying cause it wont.... IT HAS!!! I found out i was pregnant (he knew before me) he was over the moon... as months got on and i was sick he hated me, saying your always ill and cant DTD blah blah, got my sex drive back and he didnt want to know... he kept throwing in my face 'oh now you want it do ya?' Was bleeding really bad and had to have an early scan found out i had lost a baby (i was carrying twins) They said the other one is fine but we shall keep an eye on you.. perfect i thought... im not sure if i saw happiness in my OH's eyes or sadness... As time gets on, i dont put on weight im losing weight... 22week scan we find we are having a boy, he is over joyed and tells the world... then goes to his mums for a few nights, comes back and is a different bloke... tells the world of Facebook (before me) that now he has a girl (from previous relationship) and a boy he is getting the snip... BROKE MY HEART... He said to me when i was 25weeks that he wants a DNA as he doesnt think the baby is his!! He thinks i slept with someone and have lied to him... i havent been away from his side since we met. i havent been out apart from the ONE time i did he kicked up such a fuss and started an argument that hes put me off going out. I missed my friends hen do because he gave me the look and i thought i cant take more arguments.
So i have a guy who is buying Model trains (£150 per train) and going away with his friends (£250) but is worried about money for when the baby is here why spend stupid amount of money if your worried... i havent...
I feel the man i loved has left and has left me with this.... shell of a man who is selfish, nasty at times and plays mind games... He is happy to tell me that 'she was fit' on tv yet hasnt said i looked pretty for 6months now. They say relationships get harder when you have a baby.... its hard now! so how am i going to cope?

Im not strong enough to do this on my own, im not strong enough to stop loving him, because for some unknown reason i do love him still with all my heart... i sit here at work and just want to cry... if he wasnt in my life would i be as upset??? if i didnt have him in my life would i regret leaving?? will things get better when the baby is here?? will he man up?? will he leave anyways?? will he get the snip and ill only have one child (me being only 23)?? Could i handle the selfishness of it all?? and do i really want to be with someone who wants a DNA on our son??
Too many questions for so little time i have left.... i just want my old oh back...
Sorry for the pointless post i just needed to Vent.... xxx Ali xxx

 

[deedee84]

aww hun PF is here for you to vent and let off steam, we would never get sick of hearing you, were all here as support and for you to talk to about anything at anytime! I'm sorry your OH has changed, it must be so frustrating for you and tbh theres only you that can decide what to do with the relationship, who knows, he might change when LO is here you never know! i'm sorry i cant give you any advice as such but i'm always here if you ever want to chat xxxx

 

[Pinktink23]

Thanks DeeDee... i think more then anything im sick of hearing me moan about the same thing... money who cares im not homeless and my baby will have clothes on his back up to 9-12 months... he will be fed and clean... friends they come and go but i have a few that will stay forever... family i have my closest family who are here always... they have been... work i have that to come back to if i like... 9months to decide. OH... all i have him is a heart full of love but a gut and head full of questions????
It hurts because all i hear him say is its your hormones... hes making me feel like im crazy... im really not... He laughed at me last night which upset me because im scared of thunder n lightening... (always have been) he called me pathetic and laughed... i would never laugh at a fear of his... Thanks for leaving a comment... bet you felt like you was watching Jeremy Kyle lol... i think i need a spa weekend away just me, NO MEN haha... xxx xxx

 

[deedee84]

ahh dont be silly hun i dont mind listening (well reading lol) it annoys me how men always put things down to "hormones" yes they play a part of getting upset too easily but they dont sway how we feel totally! And that was unfair of your OH to laugh at your fear, its a very real fear and he should be there to comfort you not to laugh and call you pathetic! You sound like you have a fab supporting network around you and like you said your LO wont go with out what ever happens, you and your LO are the main priority hun xxx

 

[Leah04x]

Hey lovely.. Didn't want to read + run! I'm sorry, it sounds like you're going through the mill a bit at the moment.. Personally, I haven't been through this myself, but a few of my close friends have - in most of the cases, the oh wakes up + 'smells the coffee' once the lo is born, its when it all becomes real to them; fingers crossed this is what happens for you! I'm sorry that I can't really offer you anymore advice, but focusing on number one - the health + well being of you + your little boy is the most important thing.. I hope things get better for you hun, and I'm here if you need anyone to talk to! Keep that chin up xx

 

[LucyB.]

so sorry to hear your going through this hun! i hope things get better for you soon and your OH mans up, and if he doesnt, as much as you love him, it just shows you and your little boy are better off without him! stay strong, you'll feel better in the long run xxxxx big hugs xxxxxx

 

[Pinktink23]

Thanks Leah04x & LucyB....
I know there isnt much advice out there as the only person or 2 people who can help is myself and the OH... but it means alot to me that i have support from people who arent just going to sit there and tell me how bad my life will be if i carry on with the way things are.

The last couple of days have been ok... Im just hoping things are slowly coming together again, a few hints here and there the other day and hes paid a little more attention. I just dont want to moan at him all the time but its the only way he listens
i feel like im his mum aswell as my baby boys haha...

Thanks so much for leaving a comment though Ladies, means alot that i can vent on here....
saves me most of the time running away.. haha...
xxxx

 

[Lisa_85]

I got with my OH jan and fell pregnant march we now have a 5month old boy called Issac.

I'm not going to lie we are at the point of breaking up, Issac has put a big strain on us and unless u get a perfect eat, poop and sleep baby you will probably feel the strain from sleep deprivation. I have no sex drive and i feel bad for OH but.... i feel that i do all the night shift and most day shift and to me id rather sleep and have the energy for Issac.

I'm not saying you will break up and if you can prepare mentally that it will be difficult your relationship might make it

I hope mine Does, but if it doesn't ill still be a great single mommy to my baby. If u want to ask questions feel free xx

 

[jules84]

your oh sounds like a real idiot.

you cant write one good thing about him, except you love him regardless.

you have 2 months to kick him out and sort this out before ur little man arrives.

if you r going to make it , he will fight for you and your son and he will know u wont take his shit, but you cant give in. u need to move out, or him, claim single. and stay apart until hes actually learned. from reading this, the chances of him letting you go are strong, but if he does you would have never worked anyway. your son shouldnt be coming home from hospital to this. its not right. do your first duty as the best mum you can be and give daddy a firm kick up the ass!

hugs xxxx

 

[Jayjay027]

I know its not what u want to hear, but I agree with Jules.

He sounds like a bully, and he's emotionally bullying u and ur sitting back and taking it. U missed ur friends hen night just so he wouldn't fight with u?!?! That's not on! He shouldn't fight with u for going out with ur mates, he should be encouraging u to see ur friends. He should be supportive of u, and he isn't.

On the bbm group, u complain about him all the time and never say anything good about him. Its not normal to be so miserable in ur relationship.
If u kick him out, or give him an ultimatum, he'll know u mean business. And if he really loves u, he'll buck up his ideas. If he shrugs and says 'whatever' and carries on the way he has been, ull know he's not bothered!

I wouldn't allow anybody to make me feel miserable everyday. And just why ur allowing him to make u feel so low and down is beyond me. All those negative feelings transfer to ur LO u know, and baby can tell if ur unhappy and feels unhappy too.

When does it stop? U have been miserable all through ur pregnancy saying u hope he'll change when LO is here. What if he doesn't? Will u change the deadline to when LO is at nursery? And just continue to let him make u feel so unhappy all the time?
Show him ur stronger than that, and that u deserve better and are worth more. Men don't bully women who stick up for themselves! X

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk

 

[Pinktink23]

Thanks Ladies, I appreciate all the comments... And Jayjay it might not be what i want to hear but its not the situation i wanted to be in, in the first place. I guess life doesnt turn out how you wanted them too...
I do understand what you ladies are saying about taking a stand and not letting him carry on. And i think Monday night i did that, i told him after we had long words that i no longer want to be stressed over HIM... he is the only thing in my life for the past month who has made me cry. Yes he has said things throughout the pregnancy but hes never been as distant as he has in the last month. I apologise for keep moaning on the BB group... like i said everyone must be sick of it... worse of all if i was an outside i would want to slap me and say 'What are you doing?'

I know i have to be strong and i will. i know i can do it... for me and for Lil man... i do try my hardest to think of happy stuff when im feeling low so bubba doesnt feel im down... 9 times out of 10 i text my sister and we talk about the old times when she used to do silly stuff. I know he should support me and be there for me its his duty as my OH and a sign of a decent man... we are going away this weekend so we will see what happens if it sparkes some life back into him. And if not... hes out. xxxx

Thanks girls x

 

[Pinktink23]

I got with my OH jan and fell pregnant march we now have a 5month old boy called Issac.

I'm not going to lie we are at the point of breaking up, Issac has put a big strain on us and unless u get a perfect eat, poop and sleep baby you will probably feel the strain from sleep deprivation. I have no sex drive and i feel bad for OH but.... i feel that i do all the night shift and most day shift and to me id rather sleep and have the energy for Issac.

I'm not saying you will break up and if you can prepare mentally that it will be difficult your relationship might make it

I hope mine Does, but if it doesn't ill still be a great single mommy to my baby. If u want to ask questions feel free xx

I hope things work out for you 2 babe... its not nice not knowing but i have to be strong. Cause you will be a great single mummy or non single mummy
Thanks i appreciate the comment... xxxx

 

[jules84]

You need too write down (foryourself) a deadline. dont tell him. but a realistic deadline when your going to stop putting up with it. and force yourself to stick to it.

Gosh, I don't want to sound harsh but I don't understand women who put up with crap, I firmly believe if a couple is meant to be , partners will fight for it. So why put up with less than anyone deserves, you or him? He can't be happy like this either. It certainly sounds like he's not happy with the life you two have built.

Also, it's not about you and him anymore. You are both bringing another human being into this world, he is completely innocent and perfect and it's both your job to recognise he deserves the absolute best start and you CAN give it to him. If you hav any faith in this man, you would believe he will fight for you xxx

 

[SarahCarps2be]

ALICE!!!

YOU SHOULD HAVE TEXTED ME!!!!

Disappointed tbh .

Back at work tomorrow so email me EVERYTHING PLEASE!!!!

Love me and my boyyy xxxxx


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I am here: http://tapatalk.com/map.php?fyuvcr

 

[Pinktink23]

ALICE!!!

YOU SHOULD HAVE TEXTED ME!!!!

Disappointed tbh .

Back at work tomorrow so email me EVERYTHING PLEASE!!!!

Love me and my boyyy xxxxx


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I am here: http://tapatalk.com/map.php?fyuvcr

With everything you was going through sarah i couldnt do that to you, plus you needed support not another oscar world winning moan from me haha...
Email to follow haha..
Love to you and that gorgeous Boy xxxxxxxx
p.s still calling him squidge haha

 

[Kayelle]

Sending massive hugs!!
As a few others have said , and I realise this is easy for me to say, but he is a complete idiot. And I know you are string enough to do this alone, you are unhappy, you will be happier without him, and happy mummy = happy baby! You deserve so much better! All men can be a bit crazy with such a big change, mine included, but you need those times when he will cuddle you instead of laugh at you!! That's just mean!
Hope everything works out for you I really do, you don't need someone who is supposed to care about you adding to your stress!!
Xxxx

 

[tabbi]

Im not strong enough to do this on my own, im not strong enough to stop loving him, because for some unknown reason i do love him still with all my heart... i sit here at work and just want to cry... if he wasnt in my life would i be as upset??? if i didnt have him in my life would i regret leaving?? will things get better when the baby is here?? will he man up?? will he leave anyways?? will he get the snip and ill only have one child (me being only 23)?? Could i handle the selfishness of it all?? and do i really want to be with someone who wants a DNA on our son??
Too many questions for so little time i have left.... i just want my old oh back... Sorry for the pointless post i just needed to Vent.... xxx Ali xxx[/FONT][/QUOTE]

if he wasnt in your life i would say for a while you might end up been upset but you'd get over it.
you wouldnt regert it hunni either
things prob wont change if not worsen once baby is here
and after what he has said doubtful he will man up
he will prob leave evenutally when he gets fed up of not been able by trains or go out all the time
your not selfish hunni, at the end of the day you want more than one child and if he doesnt want anymore its understandable
and if he wants a dna test and your together its a joke i'd question wether he has cheated or not

your better off doing what you feel is right for you and your son we back you all the way x x x

 

[poppypd]

Ultimately only you can decide what is best for you. Think we've all been in relationships that were bad for us but hard to get out of although I can look back at them now and think what was I thinking!!! I feel the bond with my baby is immense and it's enough to use up all your love, if a man doesn't enrich your life and make you happy over a long period of time then why be with them? The emotions when the baby comes are full on and I can see how babies put a strain on any relationship even a strong one. The balance shifts and your focus is keeping this little human alive and well, trying to deal with a crumbling relationship too! Sheesh, it'll be hard. I hope that things work out for you, only you will know when enough is enough, but remember your health and sanity are the most important things to your baby. Much love xxxx