Husband doesnt want the baby

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Sadie, Nov 14, 2005.

  1. Sadie

    Sadie Member

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    Getting pregnant was never in the plan. My husband already has an 11 yr old from a previous marriage and didnt want another. He has taken a long time adjusting to having another baby. We are both older, I am 38 and he is 39. I am 7 months pregnant.
    Well I thought he was adjusting but he isnt. He drank a bit much and told me that he doesnt want this baby. He is dreading it. He wishes he would of pushed for me to get an abortion in the begining. And that he doesnt think he will ever bond with it.
    He is a great dad to his daughter. He sees her every weekend. Loves her to bits. So I cant understand how he can have no feelings towards a child with us. I have been so alone through all of my pregnancy. All he sees is a the cost of a baby.
    Did anyone else have this happen?
     
  2. hayley

    hayley Well-Known Member

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    Hi sadie

    I'm sorry your husband feels like this. Could it be nerv's... i wouldn't believe too much of what he says under the influence of alchol. I find alchol makes us more dramatic... He might be very nervous about the whole situation.. The cost of a new baby might be playing on his mind.. men deal with stress a little diufferent than us! where we talk, men clam up! he might be feeling he's the bread winner but can't see how he's gonna be able to provide if things get difficult... Have you discussed it with him since he told you how he felt when he was drunk? you didn't make this baby on your own.... he has to face up to it... you 7 months pregnant. Good luck

    x
     
  3. Skidoo

    Skidoo Well-Known Member

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    So sorry to hear of your situation.

    Mine isn't the same, but it seemed like it might be a close thing for a while. My OH has two kids from a previous relationship and, approaching 40, I wasn't even sure I'd be able to concieve. We had a couple of terrible rows before I got pregnant and a pretty rough time once I had.

    Eventually we talked it all out. It turned out that he was terrified as his previous relationship had started to go wrong when his girlfriend was pregnant with his first child. He could feel it all happening again and was (unconsiously) hardening himself against the breakup that he was sure would ensue. We talked for hours and once it was all out he threw up (poor love). Since then we've been able to be more open about what's going on.

    I only tell you all this in hopes that it might help. How did the relationship with his daughter's mother end? How does his daughter feel about a new sibling? Is he worried he won't have enough love for both kids?

    Try to let him know that this kid is different.

    This kid is yours together.

    Good luck.
     
  4. Sadie

    Sadie Member

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    My step daughter is the only support I have had. She is thrilled. All she talks about is when the baby comes.

    My husband tends to open up when he drinks to much. I have known he wasnt to happy about the whole thing. He has told me this before. But I really thought he would be more open to it as time went by. Its been really hard because when I start to talk about the baby he makes a face and changes the subject. He has come with me to see the scans and to the ante natal classes but he just doesnt want the baby.

    I dont know if he and the ex where happy about my step daughter. But it seems like it. He has tons of pictures of her when she was a baby until now. It was like a shrine when I moved in. I know the ex had an affair and now lives with the guy.

    How on earth do you make a marriage work when you know that your husband doesnt want your child?
     
  5. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    Hi

    I cant say that i am in the same situation as you. But this is my second child with my hubby, and through both pregnancies he hasnt shown much interest. i was devastated when i was pregnant with Joshua. we did plan for both babies though.

    As soon as he saw Joshua and held him in the operating theatre it was a whole different matter. He couldnt have been happier.

    maybe your hubby is the same as mine, once the baby is here he might change altogether.

    Good luck

    x
     

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