does keeping pregnant from father make you a terrible person ?

[may1718]

thread answered

 

[JD.Deedee]

Talking about termination is against forum rules.

 

[may1718]

Talking about termination is against forum rules.

oh sorry i didn't know I've just replied to a post where the author was asking whether or not to have an abortion so thought this was ok.

Im not questioning about having a termination at all I'm keeping my pregnancy. its just a revenant point to my post

 

[Shepherdess]

Hi,

You should definitely tell him you're keeping the baby. It sounds like you've already had plenty of opportunity to and it's not fair on him to keep it to yourself. I'm sure one day your baby will want to know who their father is.
Also, being a mum is tough and you may find you want him there for support in the early month

With regards to your relationship you said you've been spending time together indoors but you'd like to do things, well tell him! I know you wrote you don't like being the one to plan things but you can't expect him to plan everything either. If there's something you want to do do it. If I waited for my oh to be romantic and plan things we'd never do anything

Sounds to me like you need to do some serious talking and be honest about you feel. You're going to be a mum so be the grown up here

Good luck

 

[Papermoon]

Hi there. The situation sounds scary to me. I don't like that he said the solution is that he'd have to kill you. Even in joking that's not something you say to someone. Maybe I watch too many crime shows, I don't know.

 

[may1718]

Hi,

You should definitely tell him you're keeping the baby. It sounds like you've already had plenty of opportunity to and it's not fair on him to keep it to yourself. I'm sure one day your baby will want to know who their father is.
Also, being a mum is tough and you may find you want him there for support in the early month

With regards to your relationship you said you've been spending time together indoors but you'd like to do things, well tell him! I know you wrote you don't like being the one to plan things but you can't expect him to plan everything either. If there's something you want to do do it. If I waited for my oh to be romantic and plan things we'd never do anything

Sounds to me like you need to do some serious talking and be honest about you feel. You're going to be a mum so be the grown up here

Good luck

firstly thanks for taking the time to read my long post.

I understand what you are saying and wish i could just tell him and be straight but i think i won't be able to do it because of the confrontation aspect or just in general if he isn't happy will really drag me down which i know is the reality of the situation but this way i feel more positve.

however i think i will just wait until i don't have to see him and maybe send him an email or text as I'm rubbish at these things face to face and know i will just chicken out.

As for our relationship i guess maybe I'm bit insecure in the fact i don't like planning things maybe i will arrange something for us todo that way i may be able to place where we really are.

thanks

 

[may1718]

Hi there. The situation sounds scary to me. I don't like that he said the solution is that he'd have to kill you. Even in joking that's not something you say to someone. Maybe I watch too many crime shows, I don't know.

thanks for taking the time to reply.

He defiantly was joking i guess its his way of dealing with a serious subject , but the fact that was his response for when i tried to suggest me keeping the baby would affect your life , even if it was joke shows how much he really isn't going to come around to the idea

hence why not telling him a little bit kind of solves the problem.

i would like to tell him but feel like that would make him unhappy , which in turn would make me feel unhappy.

i will try and tel him but maybe bit later.

thanks.

 

[Papermoon]

Hi there. The situation sounds scary to me. I don't like that he said the solution is that he'd have to kill you. Even in joking that's not something you say to someone. Maybe I watch too many crime shows, I don't know.

thanks for taking the time to reply.

He defiantly was joking i guess its his way of dealing with a serious subject , but the fact that was his response for when i tried to suggest me keeping the baby would affect your life , even if it was joke shows how much he really isn't going to come around to the idea

hence why not telling him a little bit kind of solves the problem.

i would like to tell him but feel like that would make him unhappy , which in turn would make me feel unhappy.

i will try and tel him but maybe bit later.

thanks.

Okay I see. Yeah maybe tell him again a little later on like after first trimester when you know for sure it's a sticky bean. You've already hinted around to him that you might want to keep it. So just rest the topic for now maybe that will give him time to get used to the idea too. But definitely keep the baby.

 

[may1718]

yes just going to rest the topic as really fed up of stressing and worrying i think i care too much what he thinks.

sounds harsh but I've got to think of myself before him will get through the first trimester and we won't be around each other as much so will give me time to think about if and how to tell him. at least that way I'm out of the early stage and will seem more real just want to know if its a boy or a girl !!!!! xx

 

[Sparklegirl]

I think honesty is the best policy. He might well be upset if he finds out at a much later date that you mislead him about having the procedure. To me, he is the father so has a right to know that, I dont think it would be fair to hide that from him. Can you have a proper conversation with him and just be honest? You are keeping the baby so nothing he says will change that- its a case of working out how you will work through it together. Good luck

 

[may1718]

I think honesty is the best policy. He might well be upset if he finds out at a much later date that you mislead him about having the procedure. To me, he is the father so has a right to know that, I dont think it would be fair to hide that from him. Can you have a proper conversation with him and just be honest? You are keeping the baby so nothing he says will change that- its a case of working out how you will work through it together. Good luck

hi thanks for the reply , in a normal situation i agree its not fair to hide the fact that your carrying their baby but feel like thats the best choice.
telling him now he may try and talk me out of it possibly .
I will admit i am acting bit of a cowardly because i should just be straight and say it and not care what he thinks or says but i do care , but I've hinted and tried to tell him a little and he hasn't even tried to accept it so feel like I've got no option.

yes i think he probably would say why didn't you tell me before if i waited too long but by that point i would be knowing that the baby is hopefully safe and healthy , he wouldn't be able to talk me out of it .

its also hard because i know his opinion and what he thinks we should do , i know i don't want that so even though we are still together..... in my head I'm making plans as if I'm single and a single mother because i know we are both thinking of different outcomes

but I'm not as sad to loose him then i would be to loose the baby but trying to say that is hard.
i think I'm just going to let it kind of play out because worrying about it is stressing me out which isn't good for my health it is a serious and important subject but think i need to just forget about it for abit and focus on me because i don't think he's thinking about this as much as i am x

 

[Emily0505]

He's the babies father. He has a right to know you are having his child. Not telling him is wrong. You are going to be a mother so suck it up, be responsible and do the right thing.

 

[Blueclass]

I agree he needs to be told. Tell him your milk did is made up and he can have as much or as little as he likes to do with the pregnancy. He has a right to know and its really u fair for you to not tell him. He may surprise you once his got his head around it and want to come along g to appointments ect. By not telling him your taking this experience away from him and it will be harder later on. Your going to be a mum and your going to have to make alot of decision from now on... you need to grow up and tell him. Its called being given responsible and fair and being given able to tell your child you did everything you could to enable a relationship with between baby and father.

 

[Blueclass]

Sorry but rereading your posts and you sounds so Immurture. I know what we are writing might sound horse but you asked for it and we are honest on here. How are you going to keep it secret when your still together? If your milk did is made up there's no way he can change it and if he tryst tell him to get lost. I really hope you tell him otherwise yes I'd say it it doesn't make you a very nice person.
If he was abusive ect then obviously it would be different but it seems like his the average guy who got scared.