Who is the father

[Daniel]

I have been living my girlfriend now for over 8 months and having unprotected sex. She has been late on occassions but eventually gets her period. She started seeing me whilst with her boyfriend who is now ex and moved in with me 6 months after living next door to each other in an apartment. Anyway I have found out she is pregnant - 7 weeks. Now the twist is she does not know if I am the father or not. Gaaaa!!!!! We went through a rough couple of weeks which she said she turned to her ex for support. And guess what?? They had unprotected sex on 3 occassions. All this being after her last period and now she is pregnant. So we are both in a dilemna what to do. The ex says he is sure it is mine. Weak prick. Each month her periods are not a normal 28 day cycle so trying to work out what date she was most fertile is difficult. Her previous two periods were about a 6 weeks cycle. Her last period being on 19th Feb and now she is said to be 7 weeks pregnant. We have sex regularly and she says she had sex with her ex around 2nd 3rd of March. Then not again until the 15th. So if anyone can help give me some advise I would appreciate it as the only options open are either abortion which I do not want her to do or wait until the baby is born and then take blood tests or a dna test I guess. Any suggestions of what I should do????

 

[Helen]

Wow, Daniel, life sounds complicated for you right now!

If your g/f had regular cycles then she would be at her most fertile 2 weeks after her last period, in other words around 5th March. The question you have to ask yourself is, if you were going through such a rough time together, were you having sex with each other at that point? However, that said, if her cycles are not regular there is no guarantee that it is exactly that date and she could've been fertile on the 2nd or 3rd.

My other advice to you would be to consider your relationship. If it is something that you see lasting long term and you want and expect to be around when the baby is growing up, then think long and hard about whether you really need to know who the "father" is. There is a lot more to being a father than simply donating the little swimmers in the first place!

If you and your g/f go through the pregnancy and birth together, what good will finding out that the child is or isn't yours at the end do? What difference would it make to your relationship/the relationship between you and the child? Would you expect the ex to contribute financially/be involved in the childs upbringing?

It doesn't sound as though the ex wants to be involved or take any responsibility, so he definitely needs to become an ex now and disappear from the scene. If you and your g/f can get over this hiccup, move on and raise a family together then that makes you the father, regardless of what biology may or may not say.

Hope that helps.

Helen

 

[Claire]

As far as I understand, a woman is most likely to conceive 14 days after the first day of her last period. I have also heard that sperm can live for four or five days inside a woman, but I don't know if this is true.

Also, if you were having sex with her as well during the rough couple of weeks, then that would make it quite difficult to guess who impregnated her.

As well, are you both absolutely positive she is 7 weeks along? Some women have bleeding early on in pregnancy, and perhaps it could have been mistaken for a period?

 

[Strangeness]

Wow ok were you trying to concieve? Your girlfriend sounds like she needs to protect herself more and stop sleeping with another person when she is meant to be your girlfriend. She is not only pregnant but will need to have tests to make sure she hasn't caught any STD's which she could have passed on to you. How do you know she won't do it again as well? If she is even considering abortion then it just shows how commited she really is. I hope you sort it out and can trust her again. She just really doesn't sound like a nice person to me.