Do you think we apologise too much on this forum??

[monster_munch]

First of all - let's not turn this into slanging match thread, i'm genuinely interested in what people think.

Personally I am of the opinion that when someone writes a post, it is their opinion, I am allowed to disagree/agree as I wish and can say as much.
However, I do feel that there are certain topics (eg BF / FF , earpiercing babies, BNP supporting etc etc!) that become "hot topics" because we get too involved and forget that people are just typing their opinions and we think they are preaching.
Obviously this doesn't take into account the people who do preach/troll on the forum, but sometimes I feel a bit when as a collective we 'attack' (for want of a better word) someone for having an extreme opinion.
I do appreciate that on a forum like this we need to be polite and try to be as succinct as possible as we can't see facial expressions and so forth, but it frustrates me when people (me included) have to fill up posts with:
"In MY opinion"
"I don't judge you, but I think..."
etc etc --- you know the stuff.

Again, obviously it pays to be polite, but sometimes I think we go a bit far - we almost make people explain themselves when should they always have to?? They've only expressed their opinion / stated what they do

A tricky question...
It's something that has played on my mind a bit recently, especially as a few members leave because they feel they cannot say certain things or express their opinions without being attacked.

What are your thoughts??

 

[mary70]

I voted yes, we are all adults and should be able to accept everyones point of view no matter how far apart it is from ours and i think on here this doesnt happen

 

[HappyAlice]

I put yes, because I have had opinions before that I wouldn't dare write down and post for fear of the backlash

 

[Melly+2]

Yeah i deffo think we do, Goodness if we argued with everyone who didnt agree with our opinions we would spend our lives in constant battle, not everyone thinks the same as ourselves, get over it!! Who cares what others think

 

[purple13]

it depends on the post TBH.

i think on the whole this forum is great for letting everyone have a say. there is very little judgement and plenty of empathy and friendship - IMHO there is probably more of that here than IRL.

if its a general debating-type thread (such as the BNP) then i will express my opinion - i won't apologise for it and don't expect others to apologise for their posts either. if i feel that someone's opinion is ill-advised then i will seek to question it, using education and knowledge. its nothing personal - but i do believe that if you have a point in a debate, you need to be able to back it up with more than just heresay.

when the post is about a personal matter (eg someone's bf-ing issues) then i think everyone should tread carefully; the use of 'IMHO', 'i don't judge you' and a definite avoidance of provocative smileys is appropriate in these cases.

i think questioning someone's opinion on a subject, and deliberately targetting an individual are two completely separate things. i think that for someone to leave the forum for the former reason would be very sad. and the latter just shouldn't happen.

 

[monster_munch]

.

when the post is about a personal matter (eg someone's bf-ing issues) then i think everyone should tread carefully; the use of 'IMHO', 'i don't judge you' and a definite avoidance of provocative smileys is appropriate in these cases.

i think questioning someone's opinion on a subject, and deliberately targetting an individual are two completely separate things. i think that for someone to leave the forum for the former reason would be very sad. and the latter just shouldn't happen.

I do agree actually, but I think when it comes to BF/FF threads, in general it's the "why do you BF - or why do you FF" threads that cause the upset, as people automatically assume that people are making negative assumptions at them - like it's a personal attack - rather than people expressing themselves and their beliefs / opinions.
Obviously, if someone asks for help on, say for example FF, and people start harping on about breast is best, then this isn't the same as stating that in a general debate...

I don't think that we do target people on this forum (as a rule anyway ) but I think the problem actually is that people think that they are being targeted, maybe because they take people's opinions in the wrong way?? Hmmm - it really is interesting. I suppose, more than anything, no matter what - some people will always take things to heart, and others won't - t'is what makes this place interesting

Well that's how I see it anyway, I could be wrong, but let's face it, I'm too perfect to ever be wrong

 

[bhe101]

I put yes, because I have had opinions before that I wouldn't dare write down and post for fear of the backlash

Same here

 

[Minxy]

I put yes, because I have had opinions before that I wouldn't dare write down and post for fear of the backlash

Same here

I sometimes can't be arsed to post on debates just cause I don't have time to go into enormous detail about why I feel the way I do. But I don't fear a backlash. That's a bit extreme IMO.

I don't think we apologise to much. I actually think the majority of us hold back from typing everything we think, JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE.

 

[nori]

Hell yes! If im honest i have actually gone to post things but havent cos i cant be bothered to justify my opinion on topics (very unlike me). Yes its a discussion forum but so many of the hot topics end up in debates.

I just dont understand why people have to explain their beliefs/opinions ALL the time! Sometimes it would be nice to just say "i think this because..." and for people to accept that rather than keep banging on about "WHY???" Im all for a good discussion but some people arent that way inclined and that should just be accepted by others. I actually feel that certain threads in the past have ended up with lots of people ganging up on one person just cos they have a different opinion to others.

Im glad you posted this thread as its something i have been thinking for a while.. saying all that though i have had some great advice from people on here so i dont want this to come across as nasty (there i go again... justifying myself!) lol

Claire x

 

[Krystal]

But isn't that what a good debate is about.. seeing each others opinions and expressing your own and then discussing points? Sometimes people question cos they genuinely want to know more, others because they are passionate about a subject.

I do think we apologise too much cos sometimes I think people are too touchy and noooo thats not aimed at anyone in particular. I think we can all be like that (oh gawd there I go justifying myself haha)

If you don't want to justify yourself just post you opinion then leave it, if someone questions then leave them wondering.

 

[monster_munch]

Im glad you posted this thread as its something i have been thinking for a while.. saying all that though i have had some great advice from people on here so i dont want this to come across as nasty (there i go again... justifying myself!) lol

Claire x

Actually that's a very good point.
Sometimes I'm a little bit anxious to post an opinion, escpecially if it's a strong one as there may be someone - perhaps the initial poster, with the extreme opposite views to me, that I would consider someone I get good advice from and would therefore not want to offend them.

This is, however, how I am IRL too by the way, not purely because of the way this forum is

Just because you disagree with someone, it does not mean you don't like them - but that's not always apparent on a forum environment.

 

[sparky]

yes...but i have to say i'm quite impressed at the relative lack of mahooosive arguments on here, esp as the subject matter is majorly emotive and everyone (well almost everyone) is eitherly massivly hormonal, just become a mum, dealing with the challenges of motherhood.

 

[Misslarue]

Not so much of a backlash, because I generally have justified reasons why I think what I think............its just I don't always have the time to explain!

Many times I have written out a post and then deleted it. I have strong views on most things. There are a few topics on here which I just don't agree with or have opinions that I know will upset/offend someone elses beliefs or feelings. Those threads I just stay clear off!

 

[babyroo]

if you don't want to justify yourself just post you opinion then leave it, if someone questions then leave them wondering.

I agree with this.

And i know i apologise far too much and that is a IRL trait too, I always worry that I offend people for some reason.
I'm not afraid of a good debate though and admit i like to know how peoples mind ticks and what other peoples opinions are. In fact i am impressed that a couple of Hot topics recently haven't turned into slanging matches because i think IRL they may have done.

 

[Melanie]

I sometimes can't be arsed to post on debates just cause I don't have time to go into enormous detail about why I feel the way I do. But I don't fear a backlash. That's a bit extreme IMO.

I don't think we apologise to much. I actually think the majority of us hold back from typing everything we think, JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE.

I'm with Minxy on this, i don't fear backlash and i don't often feel i have to justify my opinions either because in all honesty i cant say i actually care that much if I'm agreed with.
I do hold back sometimes but its mainly because if i always typed whatever i thought id be a bitch! I don't always say what I'm thinking when I'm talking to someone face to face either for the same reason, just because i think it doesn't mean i should actually say it!
What i find really annoying on forums is the habit some people have of using the phrase " I don't mean any offence but....." as a prefix to something they know is absolutely offensive. We had a member who doesn't post anymore who did that all the time and it drove me up the wall.
I think in life we will always find people who make us feel automatically apologetic because we know they are more/overly sensitive than we are, its not necessarily a bad thing to worry about whether you are going hurt someone when you speak/type.

 

[Minxy]

I do hold back sometimes but its mainly because if i always typed whatever i thought id be a bitch! I don't always say what I'm thinking when I'm talking to someone face to face either for the same reason, just because i think it doesn't mean i should actually say it!

That's what I meant. I have to sit on my hands sometimes But forum life is like real life in that you should engage your brain before you 'speak', but never feel the need to censor things you feel strongly about too much.

 

[babyroo]

What i find really annoying on forums is the habit some people have of using the phrase " I don't mean any offence but.....".

I'm not saying this to offend anyone in anyway

Sorry

 

[Melanie]

What i find really annoying on forums is the habit some people have of using the phrase " I don't mean any offence but.....".

I'm not saying this to offend anyone in anyway

Sorry

 

[Krystal]

What i find really annoying on forums is the habit some people have of using the phrase " I don't mean any offence but.....".

I'm not saying this to offend anyone in anyway

Sorry

can't believe you ended that with

Sorry

 

[beanie]

TBH I think that if you feel that you can't post your views or opinions because you feel they will cause contreversy or upset then you have to examine your views. And it really winds me up when people get upset because someone dares questions their views.

I usually post what I mean, I don't make a point of apologising for it. There are threads I tend to not bother posting in but thats not because I am unwilling to post my view, but more that it has already been debated and I can't be arsed.

This is one of the tamest forums, (I am a forum whore sogo on a fair few) and to say people feel they have toleave because of their opinion is a tad over the top. I think that's more their perception.