disagreement- what would u do?

[trixipaws]

i kno its kinda trivial, but actually tbh it might not be so trivial in my boyf's eyes.

on saturday i was getting dressed for work after my shower and my boyf was staring at me, then he told me he thinks im too thin and wants me to put on weight. he seemed really stern and cross and meant it, u kno like he'd be really angry with me if i didnt? even tho i pointed out to him i am by no means the skinniest iv been throughout our relationship, but he said iv got to be a more responsible role model now we hav a daughter so its different now.

thing is, i dont want to! im happy how i look, in fact wouldnt mind being even a little smaller (iv got a lovely silk mini skirt in my wardrobe i havent worn for years a size double zero, cant get into it alas!)

he made me promise to try but hasnt really mentioned it since. what would u do, change ur body to please ur man or tell him to bugger off?

 

[dannii87]

Aww bless you... Firstly, the reasoning behind his concern I think it lovely, but maybe a bit OTT! Obviously if you currently resemble a chuppa chup lolly (stick think with a lolly head) then he speaks some sense LOL!

Out of interest, what dress size are you and height? Sorry, that's real cheeky!?

Anyway hun, the most important thing is that YOU are happy and comfortable with your weight... Actually, above that, I guess eating well and healthy would be the overall best thing!?

I personally think that the best role model a daughter can have is someone who is confident and happy with their bodies, whether that is size 8 or size 18... x

 

[heles7]

I think the answer is to try to make sure that you are a'healthy' weight. There's no use fitting into a skirt if your health suffers for it. I was worried about my sisters weight after she had her babies - she looked skelletal. It's nice your OH is thinking of you; he's obviously wanting the best for your family.

Sorry, I'm not sure that's helpful at all...

 

[meg_bellamy]

if you are naturally skinny and you eat a healthy, balanced diet then there's not much you can do about it anyway and he should accept that. But I think he is just trying to look out for your best interests

 

[trixipaws]

dannii, i am size 6 i think (measurements are 31-25-32) and im 5'4" i weigh 45kgs (just over 7st)

meg i am naturally slim, and tbh i used to hate how skinny i was and wished i could gain weight, but i put on so much weight while pregnant due to quitting drugs (from 6st to 11st) and when most of it fell off after the birth its strangely addictive. especially now people are commenting saying things like "wow, u hav lost SO MUCH weight!" idk im getting hooked on it i think

i think iv reached my natural non-druggy weight but i wanna lose more now and be super-thin again! so iv started eating less, all the same things including sweets crisps and choc, but less of everything. i wanna be left to it but its causing friction with my boyf, has he a right to tell me what size to be?

 

[Squiglet]

dannii, i am size 6 i think (measurements are 31-25-32) and im 5'4" i weigh 45kgs (just over 7st)

meg i am naturally slim, and tbh i used to hate how skinny i was and wished i could gain weight, but i put on so much weight while pregnant due to quitting drugs (from 6st to 11st) and when most of it fell off after the birth its strangely addictive. especially now people are commenting saying things like "wow, u hav lost SO MUCH weight!" idk im getting hooked on it i think

i think iv reached my natural non-druggy weight but i wanna lose more now and be super-thin again! so iv started eating less, all the same things including sweets crisps and choc, but less of everything. i wanna be left to it but its causing friction with my boyf, has he a right to tell me what size to be?

then thats why bf is worried hun. You're not eating healthily, you are already incredibly thin, you are in your own words eating less and getting hooked on the whole diet thing... Thats the slippery slope of anorexia you are heading for...

He wants you to be healthy for your baby... he doesn't want to have to explain to his daughter in the years to come how mummy starved herself to death, or worse, have your daughter end up doing the same thing. Ask yourself how you would feel if your LO was doing the same thing, would you not be just a little bit worried?

I know that there is this issue over being naturally thin. Tia is incredibly thin and her height makes it worse, but she eats three meals a day, and has her 5 portions of fruit and veg (as well as the occasional naughty treat)...but her weight doesn't bother me, because I know she is healthy with it.

You should never change your body for your man...but if it means you are unhealthy, you should change it for your children.

 

[Jade&Evie]

IMO it sounds like you've replaced one addiction with another one.

Ask yourself if you'd like your daughter to be in your situation and that should give you your answer

 

[mayday]

Trixipaws, I wouldn't change my body size and shape for my man, but I would take a long hard look at why he felt he had to ask me to change it. Most women think their men would like to see them thinner - your's wants to see you with a bit more weight on. He might not have put it to you in the best way but he may have a point.

I did a quick look at your Body Mass Index (BMI) and you are currently at 16.5. Although a low BMI does not necessarily indicate anorexia, one of the warning signs for health professionals is a BMI of less than 17.5. Other symptoms include lack of periods (I know you have been breastfeeding and so it is difficult to judge this sign,) and psychological symptoms. These include a denial that there is anything wrong with their weight and a refusal to attempt to maintain or increase their weight.

If you maintain a low body weight you are exposing yourself to low blood pressure and risk for heart failure, a reduction of bone density (osteoporosis), muscle loss and weakness, severe dehydration which can result in kidney failure, fainting, fatigue and overall weakness, dry hair and skin, hair loss.

I am not judging you in this post, and I am not saying you are anorexic. But I do think you need to take into account the fact you need to stay healthy for your daughter and I can see where your boyfriend is coming from. I have included such a detailed reply because you posted your weight and height, and I think you were looking for reassurance that your weight is perfectly normal for your weight. Sadly it isn't; a normal BMI is 18.5 - 24.9, which for your height is between 7st9 and 10st4.

Please don't take offence that I have been completely factual in my post - go away and have a little think about things and talk to your boyfriend. He has in all likelihood only broached the subject with you because he cares for you and your baby.

 

[Krystal]

TBH from what you have said i'd say your boyfriend has a point. Have a chat to him

 

[trixipaws]

These include a denial that there is anything wrong with their weight and a refusal to attempt to maintain or increase their weight.

i dont think there is anything wrong with my weight, and i really dont want to increase it. i would feel unhappy with the way i'd look if i did.

 

[Lola's Mummy]

I think your bf is just worried about you

If you really dont want to increase it can't you just agree to keep it the same?

 

[happy-chick]

Trixi u are underweight for your height, if you look up your BMI of 17.3 that is classed as underweight. It sounds to me like you've replaced drugs with weight loss, imho you wouldnt have made this post if u were certain ur weight is not a problem so I think deep down you may have doubts? Im also 5'4" and ive been told healthy weight for me is around 9 1/2 stone.

I think ur bf is worried about you cos he loves u. If ur happy with your weight then thats good but your a size 6 and said you would mind loosing a little bit more becareful hun, u will make urself ill cos to me it sounds like ur heading down the route of an eating disorder if ur not careful

 

[Penstraze]

By the sounds of it your boyfriend is right to be concerned I think you need to take into consideration that is only reason for saying it is a concern for your health!! When I was 16/17 I was stick thin and could fit in much smaller sizes then I can now I have tried to achieve those sizes since and havent got anywhere near before feeling I looked unhealthy and too thin. You have already admited you are becoming addicted to losing weight and the comments you get about how much you have lost and that your not eating a healthy balanced diet to do so I think you are near the top of a very slippery slope with your partners love and help and your own self control you can beat the urge to lose more weight and at the most maintain the weight you are or beter still gain a little either way getting in habit of eating a healthy diet, but I really think just from what you have said that if you don't do anything about this an soon and continue the way you are you will get trapped into the cycle and obsession of eating poorly to lose weight and could end up very ill which will do neither you or your family any good, also consider as your daughter gets older the self image she will develope from seeing you not eating properly and striving to get thinner and thinner!

The weight you were whilst doing drugs is most likely a very unhealthy weight people who are very skinny through doing drugs do NOT look good they look ill!! My DH did alot of drugs whilst we were split up for 6 months he was already naturally very skinny and lossed so much weight he looked awful when we got back together he quit the drugs and has gained about 3 stone since then and looks 100% beter for it everyone comments how much beter he looks for the extra weight and how much healthier he seems!!

I am not trying to be judgemental or upset you so I hope nothing in my post has perhaps you could see a doctor and ask their advice for a non biased opinion on whether your current weight and weight goals are healthy

 

[Sandi4Paul]

i think you should try to be the wieght your body wants to be when you eat heathily.

Obviously as i have never met you i don't know what you eat and in what quantities, but if you are eating loads of fruit and veg and getting a good range of vitamins, minerals and all the essentail food groups from what you eat then you are the wieght your body wants to be (whatever they may be).

One way to tell if you are healthy is to see how long it takes you to reocver from a cold.

When i was in my early 20s i lost weight and went down to about 42 Kg (5ft 4 in), but when i got a cold i couldn't shake it off. AS i gained weight my immunity went up and colds went from 1 to 2 months to less than a week.

try if you can to let your body judge your weight not your mind (easier said than done).

Sandi

 

[Sherlock]

I think others have given good advice here about your weight.

What I would like to say is I've seen how an eating disorder can affect a child. I nannied for a family with 2 kids, a boy aged 2 and a girl aged 4. When I began caring for them the daughter was already very picky about what she ate and would only have tiny portions. She would only eat

Egg fried bread
Bovril on toast
Jam sandwiches (white bread only with no crusts)
Cakes
Chocolate
Crisps
Fromage frais pots
Nutella
Processed chicken nuggets
Crap drinks like cola etc. Milk was still being given in a bottle with a teat at bedtime also.

Nothing else was eaten. Seriously, nothing else. It was sometimes a struggle to get her to even eat nuggets if they were too meaty and looked like real chicken inside. She really only like the disgusting processed ones

Fast forward a few years later - eating disorder in full grip, school concerned as her attention and energy levels were far behind the other children, teeth problems and also growth ones.

And the younger brother? He had eaten meals, spag bol, pasta, roasts etc plus normal day to day decent food but by then he also was very picky having picked it up from his sister.

Now who was the person in the house with the original eating disorder? Their mother. A tiny woman who starved herself to remain a size zero and who never ate meals with her kids and let them off the hook when they kicked off about what they were eating as she didn't have the energy to tough it out with them.

However the kids got used to seeing her shove an entire pack of Jaffa cakes down in one go then make herself ill or starve herself for 2 days afterwards. Or she would cry and make herself feel bad for having eaten such things. They thought that was normal. They had no idea that crisps, chocolate etc were not normal decent food for children.

Now when they go to friends houses for tea etc, they take their own food with them as they refuse to eat what is put in front of them otherwise. And its still crap food as they really won't eat decent stuff. Their mother is still stick thin and tbh has never really addressed the issues as she herself has not dealt with her eating disorder fully.

I cared for these children for 6 months and did all I could to try to improve their diet. I faced many meals where neither child ate anything I prepared and simply waited till I was going home and said to their mother they were hungry and she gave them cake I am in touch with the family to this day. I've seen what happens when the parents who are the role models allow themselves to be taken over by something. It spoils the childrens lives also. And often once the damage is done in childhood, it can cause a lifetime of problems.

Another true strory...

My aunt spent her entire life on a diet. Her daughter was 2 years older than me and went on her first real diet at 11 as my aunt was constantly on about being thin etc. She then spent the next 20 odd years with an eating disorder. She is now obese and because of an argument over her size with her mother she ended up cuttting all ties with her and emigrating to New Zealand to escape her.

That's my bit of sharing for you

A child needs to be shown by their parent(s) what healthy eating is. You lead by example and they usually follow. They tend to like and eat what you eat. If you eat crap, chances are your child will lean this way also. If you obsess over your weight and clothes you can fit into, it can and probably will rub off onto your child. If you eat a well balanced diet and have a positive outlook on your body and clothing, your child will more likely be the same. Girls are under enormous pressure from a young age these days. Clothes, fashion, bosy shape and so on. We need to encourage them to be as balanced as possible to stop any insecurities or problems from taking over.

 

[Babylicious]

I think he's just concerned for you

 

[nickilubs]

I think he is just worried about you, I know what it is like to be told "oh my god you are soooo skinny!" And instead of thinking crap I need to put weight on, like you would if someone was to tell you you were fat you think too lose weight. you think "brilliant people are noticing must loose a bit more then I will be happy...." Problem is you never are. Your friends/family say it once maybe twice but when they stop commenting you lose more and more until theres nothing left to lose. I am like you in the way of addiction, I would self harm though and when I decided enough was enough and I needed to stop instead of cutting myself to loose blood because I hated myself I stopped eating too make less of me too hate....it sounds stupid but too me when I was doing it it made sense.

Your OH might also of liked you with your bit of baby fat, he might of found you MORE attractive rather than less. So he could also just be saying it for his own sakes. My OH saw a picture of me when I did loose alot of weight and made me promise never to do that again because I looked so Ill and so gaunt. At the time you don't realize how thin you are till you look at a picture.

 

[HappyAlice]

I saw your Iceland pics a while back and thought you looked fab! I was quite envious!
As long as you're not starving yourself or eating unhealthily I wouldn't make an effort to put weight on just for someone else, but maybe if you think there is a problem with your diet you could see your doc.
Some people are just naturally slim

 

[trixipaws]

At the time you don't realize how thin you are till you look at a picture.

my boyf did take a pic of me to show me - and i suppose i do look scrawny on it- but i thought it was just bad lighting! i'd post it but its got my bare boobs in it and i dont have photoshop to edit them out. not that they'd take much editing!

thanx happyalice! im only a couple of kilos less than i was then.

iv posted in 1st year health bout this as im slightly concerned now

 

[zebrastripes]

awk trix