Did you have your mother/mil to stay at first?

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by Rosebay, Nov 21, 2005.

  1. Rosebay

    Rosebay Well-Known Member

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    Hi,

    I hope you don't mind me asking but I wondered how many of you had a mother or mother in law stay with you to help you through the first few days with the baby and what you thought about it?

    My Mum is coming in with me as my husband is very squeamish, she has said that she'll stay if we like but she thinks that it will be better if we're just left to get on with it and not given too much advice. My MIL lives round the corner and will be only too pleased to pop over if things get tough and my Mum has said she'll come back down (she lives and hour and a half away) if we need her.

    For some reason, even though I am worried about how we'll cope when we get our baby home, I haven't felt wobbly about my Mum not being here for the first few days. I guess I kind of think that we'll either pick it up as we go along or be able to ask for help if and when we need it. However my DH said today that he thinks it might be a good idea as he's worried that he's not going to be any help and that we might end up winding each other up and rowing because neither of us knows what to do or I'm too tired and emotional to remember/work it out etc.

    I feel quite emotional about all of this at this late stage as I feel better when I have everything sorted and organised- my gut reaction is also to think that actually it is my baby and that I'd rather get things wrong or right on my/or rather our own than to get lots of unsolicted advice (this is my Mum's view too) but I also know that I am one hell of an emotional and hormonal wreck at the moment and perhaps am not thinking straight about it all.

    I think we will leave it as it was before- that if I want her there after I've had the baby she'll stay and if I feel ok about it she won't but I just wonder if I'm being short-sighted about this?

    Did you have someone to stay and help? What practical help was it for you and your partner? Was/Is it better just to jump in and get on with it or does someone experienced holding your hand for the first few days really help?

    I should say that I live in a City and the hospital will be encouraging us to leave after 6 hours if everything goes ok- they don't keep you in or really have spaces for you if you would like to stay a bit longer if you see what I mean? The midwives and health visitor come and visit you at home the next day but there's not a lying in period as such.

    Thanks for your advice and views!
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  2. Guest

    As much as I might possibly need some help when baby is born I dont think I could deal with my mum staying and especially not MIL who only lives round the corner and does enough for us already!! :lol: I think too many 'helpful comments' would get to me after a while.
     
  3. LouisecH

    LouisecH Well-Known Member

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    Sami that was soooo tactful :lol: :lol: :lol:

    I'm hoping that my lovely MIL will be coming over from Pakistan to give me a hand. We're organising it now. I'm lucky that she's very helpful but knows when to give space. Can't wait! :)
     
  4. MummySian

    MummySian Well-Known Member

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    My mum was round every morning when i had my first, they do mean well but you do need your space.

    The first few days after you have given birth will be full of advice from everyone and anyone, you just have to be strong and say you need space.

    xx
     
  5. ashley22

    ashley22 Well-Known Member

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    Well with my first my mum came to stay for 5 days.

    I was glad of the help as the sleepless nites are a killer and if your like me and a moody cow when you've had no sleep then I'd say go for it. :D

    My mum was a great help because she left me to care for Leon while she did the cleaning, cooking and general keeping the house in order and left me to bond with him.

    If you do decide to have someone stay make sure there not just there get kisses and cuddles (with baby) cause the first few weeks are beneficial for bonding.

    Ashley xxx
     
  6. Belle

    Belle Well-Known Member

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    I agree with the others, space and time to yourself will be soooo valuable that people coming round to help (and this includes your mum and mil) will soon start to grate on you. I've got a 7 week old baby and my in laws live about 30 mins away yet seem to pop in unannounced nearly every other day (mainly when I'm just about to start breastfeeding) and to be honest this is really getting on my nerves as it disrupts the whole day. I probably sound like a miserable hermit but honestly YOU NEED YOUR SPACE!!

    Sorry if I sound selfish but seriously you do need your own time.

    Love
    Belle
     
  7. OverTheMoon

    OverTheMoon Well-Known Member

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    My view on this is rather different...
    My mum and MIL live in England and I am in Scotland, so we had to prepare for the first few weeks entirely by ourselves (only been here a few months so don't have many friends yet!). I was really sad about that as I felt that I really wanted my mum around for help and support and was worried that I would feel really alone and isolated.
    As it happened, we had the first few weeks alone with our baby. It was tough but because we knew our mothers were not just around the corner, we got on with it. Looking back now it was a really good time for us, we had valuable time together as a family before hubby went back to work, and we got through the really tough times together just finding our own way. After two weeks MIL came to stay, which by then was really appreciated and exciting. She gave us lots of help. Then we had another few weeks alone, before my mum came to stay for a week. I loved having the mums (and the dads!) here, and was very sad to see them go.
    All in all I think it was quite beneficial for us to have that initial time by ourselves. We learnt a great deal and had only each other to rely on.
     
  8. Rosebay

    Rosebay Well-Known Member

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    Thanks a lot ladies :). That really helps. I think I'll see how it goes, if I end up with complications or anything or suddenly get gripped with fear on the way home then I may well ask her to stay but otherwise I think we'll just have to have a go at it. I think my husband is just very worried about not knowing anything really but as we have so much help close to hand I really think we'll be better off starting off on our own.

    Thanks again, you're all stars :)
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