desperately need some help

[nikkix86]

my last relationship was abusive and I was cheated on and I have struggled ever since with trusting people. I've been with my new boyfriend for 15 months and I'm 9 weeks pregnant. he blames me for getting pregnant and says he's not.ready for a baby and we've been fighting for a week now. about 6 months ago I went through his phone and saw him moaning to a girl he works with about me I wasn't happy and I told him. after that he told me his password and I promised I wouldn't go through it again. last night I realised he had cchanged It he said he's been moaning because we've been fighting and he doesn't want me to see it and get the wrong idea.

now I'm completely suspicious of what he's doing on his phone. he flat out refused to give me his new password and said I need to trust him but I just can't trust anyone I'm so scared of.getting Hurt again I don't know what to do

 

[Blueclass]

Sorry your going through this he spunds like a jerk.
I personally would want to see it m, if he is not doing anything wrong though it may upset you he shouldn't need to hide it. Id follow my gut instinct. Id also think id like my partner to be honest with me and if he wasnt i wouldnt stay with him. He should not be slagging you of to anyone especially some girl from his work. That would tell me all id need to know. X

 

[JD.Deedee]

Give the bloke some privacy. I did this whilst pregnant because my oh has a tendency of snooping through my stuff but more in a fashion that if he thinks I've got something to hide surely you do too. I then took this text out of the wrong context and it turned out this woman from his work is like his mams age and not his type whatsoever. The other way around I find it gross invasion of my privacy, just because there's also stuff I talk to my friends about which is private, it might not even about me but about them that they tell me in private. I think if there's any trust issues than talk about it, make conversation with your oh and express your concerns and if it doesn't work split up because having to snoop into each other's private business just isn't cool and I think it's wrong.

 

[JD.Deedee]

Oh and btw I changed my passwords and code on my phone for those exact reason and I even told him!

 

[PeanutButter]

Nah, if he has nothing to hide tell him to show you. I kno my hubby's password for everything and he knows mine, we don't go on each others things, just we have nothing to hide from each other.

Also bring mad at you for being pregnant is such a dick move. How can he just blame you, pretty sure he had to be involved for you to become pregnant lmao.

To be honest if my hubby was talking shit about me to another woman at work I'd go mental...I hate people knowing my business...he should be talking to you, and sorting stuff out not slaging you off to another girl. :/

Sorry your post made me a little angry. Aha.

Hope you sort things out soon xx

 

[nikkix86]

thanks girls he's been talking to this girl about me for about 8-9 months and tbh she just seems to want to stir the pot. I know her from college and I don't like her I never did. oh has completely gone off the rails. he went out last night came back was sick all over the bathroom floor and even wet the bed because he was so drunk! I really don't know what to do anymore. he's away at his mates for the weekend so will give me some time to think.

I don't want to go through his phone and he wouldn't mine but with my anxiety issues he's always been open with me about his password and all of a sudden I'm not allowed to know!

 

[Blueclass]

If his always been ooen there is obviously a reason, you dont just start. Also 8 or 9months is a long time to be talking and slagging you of. What gives him the right to do that? If anything like they peanut butter said he should be talking things through with you. He cant be mad uour pregnant. Did he not learn sex with no protection can lead to sex, it takes two. If the other girl is stiring yes its annoying and she shouldnt but ultimately its his fault. His talking to her and giving her amo. As for going out and getting like that id be pissed of. Why is he staying with friends this weekend?
If he loved you and was always understanding about your issues that shouldnt just stop. You dont need to go through each others phones but being open is what stops us doing that stuff, if that makes sense.

 

[Tigeress]

I agree with the ladies on here. We know each other's passwords and leave everything laying about. If my partner suddenly changed his password and wouldn't tell me I would get very suspicious. Why is he talking to this girl about you? He should be talking about your relationship to you. That would be the only way things would get any better. This girl is seeing it as a opportunity to play the knight in shining armour. I wouldn't have it. When he gets back and recovers I would gently sit down and talk to him. How would he feel if it was th other way round?
Good luck and hope you sort things xx

 

[nikkix86]

thanks girls he said he needs the weekend to sort his head out but going out and getting drunk isn't going to do that. when he comes back I have a list of things that need to change for us to work this out. I can't carry on like this anymore

 

[Tigeress]

I don't blame you, make sure you tell him how it's making you feel and what would happen if it was the other way round. Xx

 

[Blueclass]

I agree, id be pissed tho if he was out drinking the whole weekend.
Id use this time to think about what you want as well. Its not just you anymore you need to tbink about your little one.
I definitely would not be happy with him talking to the other girl. I think she must have some reason to talk to him. But its still his fault for talking about you to her.

Hope it goes well x

 

[nikkix86]

well we had the chat and the only thing he had a problem with off of my list was not talking to this girl about me. I explained it's like an invasion of my trust and he's agreed not to do it anymore so I guess I've got to try and trust him. he's still not happy about the baby but has said he will try and be more supportive. I've given up with the phone code thing I'll let him have his privacy and I just need to try and trust him

 

[Blueclass]

Glad you had the chat and hopefully you can move in from this. Dont let him treat you badly. Xx

 

[Blueclass]

Hey how you doimg? Any updates?

 

[nikkix86]

I'm struggling to be honest. I thought we had sorted things but it's not the same he says he's depressed because of work and that may be the case he hates his job but he's just not the same with me anymore. he rarely messages me in the day and if he does its quick answer's, he never seems to want to be close to me maybe it is his depression but it's making me feel depressed

 

[Blueclass]

Aww hun sorry to hear your feeling crap. I was hoping to read everything was ok. Has he thought about going to the doctors, maybe get signed of and look for new job? X

 

[prayforme]

For me, his reasons is not acceptable. You are pregnant, don't think about him too much. Focus on yourself, if he cares about you and your baby, then you don't need to please him or ask something. He will do everything just to make you feel better. He can be a better man if he want to.