Desperately need some help :(UPDATE 3 page 4 OMG!!!!

[Jen & Her Men]

Im at the end of my tether with the lack of sleep I am getting.

Im thinking of doing controlled crying with James as a last resort as I cannot take another night of no sleep. He wont sleep without me. I have to settle him in my arms and he will consistently wake up 8 - 10 times a night as I am not with him and start screaming until I pick him up and settle him again. With me being so pregnant he invariably ends up in bed with me so I can get some kip but I still dont sleep well because there are 3 of us in the bed and I have bad SPD and I cant get comfy.

I wanted some advice about CC. I am so torn about whether to do it or not. TBH I have always felt like its a bit cruel and there is a large part of me that feels sad that I have to do it - if I wasn't pregnant I probably wouldnt be so bothered about James co-sleeping still - he still is a baby after all and if he needs the comfort of his mummy at night then I feel like I should be able to give him that. Its only because we have the imminent arrival of Oliver in 6 weeks time thats making me do this because I desperately need some decent sleep now and also it will be impossible to BF Ollie and have him in bed with us whilst I feed if James is in there too - Oliver will wake him up etc etc so I need to sort this out. But because I feel so bad about having to do it then I have been putting it off.

I was wondering what your views on CC were? Are there any other alternatives? What would you do if you were me? Any success stories of CC or other methods would be ace and how you did it.

Also, james has a dummy, would he also have to give this up if CC is to work effectively??

Really really need help here ladies, I feel sick with exhaustion and Im worried that its going to effect my health with being so pregnant. But I also need to resolve my fears over CC and the guilt I feel over not allowing James to sleep with me anymore.

 

[Lou]

I think in your situation CC is a very good option. I'd look it up online and get some techniques, House of Tiny Tearaways always did it really well, and go for it. Don't question yourself either, decide to do it and stick to it, I'm sure its upsetting but it does kids no harm and you will all benefit. I've never done it but I've never had to. If I were you I would do it definately.

 

[Emma58]

I resorted to CC with Sam and as much as it upset me doing it, it only took three nights before he would just settle himself back to sleep. Now he crys for no more than five minutes before he is asleep.

I hope if you try CC it works for you too

 

[lauramumof2]

The 'baby whisperer' was where I got my tips for controlled crying. It was really interesting as well and worked very well.
I will try and find some reference to it because it was so long ago I done it I cant remember exactly how.

It was all about going back in to reassure but not lifting or over stimulating and listening to the crys and the tone of them and how long it lasts.

 

[beanie]

There are other options - I have a copy of the no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley I am happy to lend you. With Seren I had to do something after I nearly crashed my car to work from being so tired but I hate the idea of CC so instead I did my own thing where I put Seren in her cot and stood with her, ssshhing and stroking her hair till she fell asleep. She would cry - if it was frustration I would carry on ssshing her and patting her and she quickly fell asleep - but if she stgarted to get upset at all I would pick her up till she calmed and then put her back into her cot. Eventually I was able to get her to sleep quickly just by sitting next to the cot saying ssshhh and every night I would move a bit further away until the one night I put her in her cot and she snuggled down and happily fell asleep by herself.

It does take longer then CC (it took about 2 weeks, perhaps a little bit longer) but it worked and I felt much better as at no time did she get upset or was left on her own to cry.

Its up to you what you do obviously but I just wanted to give you an alternative method.

 

[lea m]

I put Seren in her cot and stood with her, ssshhing and stroking her hair till she fell asleep. She would cry - if it was frustration I would carry on ssshing her and patting her and she quickly fell asleep - but if she stgarted to get upset at all I would pick her up till she calmed and then put her back into her cot. Eventually I was able to get her to sleep quickly just by sitting next to the cot saying ssshhh and every night I would move a bit further away until the one night I put her in her cot and she snuggled down and happily fell asleep by herself.
.

I was really lucky with that my first 3 were really good sleepers and settled well 99% of the time, but on the nights or phases where they didnt, that is exactly what I did! Stood near and calmed them, if they were completely upset then cuddled them to calm them then gradually moved further away from them and they got back into their routine within days!

 

[Lou]

There are other options - I have a copy of the no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley I am happy to lend you. With Seren I had to do something after I nearly crashed my car to work from being so tired but I hate the idea of CC so instead I did my own thing where I put Seren in her cot and stood with her, ssshhing and stroking her hair till she fell asleep. She would cry - if it was frustration I would carry on ssshing her and patting her and she quickly fell asleep - but if she stgarted to get upset at all I would pick her up till she calmed and then put her back into her cot. Eventually I was able to get her to sleep quickly just by sitting next to the cot saying ssshhh and every night I would move a bit further away until the one night I put her in her cot and she snuggled down and happily fell asleep by herself.

It does take longer then CC (it took about 2 weeks, perhaps a little bit longer) but it worked and I felt much better as at no time did she get upset or was left on her own to cry.

Its up to you what you do obviously but I just wanted to give you an alternative method.

That sounds alot less stressfull that CC

 

[beanie]

There are other options - I have a copy of the no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley I am happy to lend you. With Seren I had to do something after I nearly crashed my car to work from being so tired but I hate the idea of CC so instead I did my own thing where I put Seren in her cot and stood with her, ssshhing and stroking her hair till she fell asleep. She would cry - if it was frustration I would carry on ssshing her and patting her and she quickly fell asleep - but if she stgarted to get upset at all I would pick her up till she calmed and then put her back into her cot. Eventually I was able to get her to sleep quickly just by sitting next to the cot saying ssshhh and every night I would move a bit further away until the one night I put her in her cot and she snuggled down and happily fell asleep by herself.

It does take longer then CC (it took about 2 weeks, perhaps a little bit longer) but it worked and I felt much better as at no time did she get upset or was left on her own to cry.

Its up to you what you do obviously but I just wanted to give you an alternative method.

That sounds alot less stressfull that CC

It is still hard work, I so wanted to give up at times and just stick her on the boob but I didn't feel that guilty about doing it (CC would have destroyed me). However I got bloody sick and tired of saying ssshhhhh

 

[Lou]

I must admit whenever the subject of CC has been brought up here before I'm always like But poor Jen needs to do something. We tried CC but lasted about 5 minutes but I didn't really need to do it, I have no other kids and wasn't heavily pregnant. Your shhh'ing technique sounds nice and calm rather than crying and horrible

Trial and error I suppose isn't it

 

[Jen & Her Men]

I have tried the shh thing and the only problem is that he sits up in his cot and puts his arms up to me and cries and he looks so pathetic and needy that I cant bear it!!! If Im there he wont lie down because he expects me to pick him up.

What about the dummy thing? Can he have a dummy for either method or not really?

Oo and Laura and Beanie any literature you can forward me would be ace.

 

[lea m]

I have tried the shh thing and the only problem is that he sits up in his cot and puts his arms up to me and cries and he looks so pathetic and needy that I cant bear it!!! If Im there he wont lie down because he expects me to pick him up.

What about the dummy thing? Can he have a dummy for either method or not really?

Oo and Laura any literature you can forward me would be ace.

I wouldnt take the dummy off him! That would be hard for him! I remember one of mine would get back up and hold his arms up! But I just had to keep lying him back down, he would get mad but eventually he would stop! I would still stroke his head and ssshh lol

 

[Lou]

I have tried the shh thing and the only problem is that he sits up in his cot and puts his arms up to me and cries and he looks so pathetic and needy that I cant bear it!!! If Im there he wont lie down because he expects me to pick him up.

What about the dummy thing? Can he have a dummy for either method or not really?

Oo and Laura and Beanie any literature you can forward me would be ace.

Beanie offered you some too edit- you added her

I don't see why a dummy would hinder any sort of CC? Does he have a night light hun? You could also try putting some stars that glow in the night on his ceiling, Isaac has them and loves looking at them as he nods off. I also read Isaac a few books then sing to him. You've probably tried all this, sorry

 

[purple13]

There are other options - I have a copy of the no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley I am happy to lend you. With Seren I had to do something after I nearly crashed my car to work from being so tired but I hate the idea of CC so instead I did my own thing where I put Seren in her cot and stood with her, ssshhing and stroking her hair till she fell asleep. She would cry - if it was frustration I would carry on ssshing her and patting her and she quickly fell asleep - but if she stgarted to get upset at all I would pick her up till she calmed and then put her back into her cot. Eventually I was able to get her to sleep quickly just by sitting next to the cot saying ssshhh and every night I would move a bit further away until the one night I put her in her cot and she snuggled down and happily fell asleep by herself.

It does take longer then CC (it took about 2 weeks, perhaps a little bit longer) but it worked and I felt much better as at no time did she get upset or was left on her own to cry.

Its up to you what you do obviously but I just wanted to give you an alternative method.

You obviously need some help hon, but I think CC is cruel.

I'm with Beanie - The No Cry Sleep Solution is a lovely book. There are some really good gentle techniques that should help you and James.

Can Alan do bedtimes and give you a break?

 

[beanie]

I have tried the shh thing and the only problem is that he sits up in his cot and puts his arms up to me and cries and he looks so pathetic and needy that I cant bear it!!! If Im there he wont lie down because he expects me to pick him up.

What about the dummy thing? Can he have a dummy for either method or not really?

Oo and Laura and Beanie any literature you can forward me would be ace.

That's what Seren did, she kept standing up but I wouldn't pick her up unless she got upset and even then it was only to calm her down and put her back in the cot.It was tough but then I would have found CC tougher. i also introduced a dummy as a substitute for boob for comfort sucking, she was about 13-1 months and i was confident it wasn't hunger.

pm me your address and i'll send the book to you if you want, just return it when you have finished.

 

[Jen & Her Men]

Cool ok Im gonna give the Beanie method a go!

Thanks so much hun for the advice

I would really love to borow the book and will deffo return it with a big kiss when it works!!

I will PM you now.

 

[Jen & Her Men]

I have tried the shh thing and the only problem is that he sits up in his cot and puts his arms up to me and cries and he looks so pathetic and needy that I cant bear it!!! If Im there he wont lie down because he expects me to pick him up.

What about the dummy thing? Can he have a dummy for either method or not really?

Oo and Laura and Beanie any literature you can forward me would be ace.

Beanie offered you some too edit- you added her

I don't see why a dummy would hinder any sort of CC? Does he have a night light hun? You could also try putting some stars that glow in the night on his ceiling, Isaac has them and loves looking at them as he nods off. I also read Isaac a few books then sing to him. You've probably tried all this, sorry

Yeah my brain is functioning at about 10% of normal capacity so i didnt see the offer until I read the thread again.
I did a bit of reading about CC and they said that a dummy impeded the success as they will still wake up in the night if their dummy comes out and need you to go put it back in. But I dont want to take it off him so I will give Beanies method a go and let him keep him dummy.

Yeah he has a nightlight, books, he does love me singing to him and there are the odd occasion when I have managed to settle him when he has woke in the night by patting his bum and singing to him but they are few and far between...guess Im just going to have to get my stubborn head on and not let him win!!

 

[newmum]

Hi Jen,
Just a quick reply. You know we had a nightmare time with sleeping I never really did CC, always found other methods and it changed all the time becuase maybe it was a growth spurt, teething, ill, dreams, AWOL dummy etc but there came a time ( ) when I could see that she was just trying it on. She started fighting it and jumping, climbing, arms stretched out etc just to prolonge the bedtime. She could keep me there 1.5 - 2 hours.

In the end I decided to let her cry for a few minutes. She survived Treated me like a long lost friend rather than the one that caused the crying. They are just happy to see you again when you go in...no grudges for letting them cry. I only needed to let her cry for a couple of minutes and then when I went in she just laid down and I could do the ssssshhhhhh sssssshhhhh, singing, stroking thing and she would be off in minutes.

I only had to do it for about 3 nights in a row and she soon got the message. When she stood up, I said to her 'lay down or you will have to cry' (she understood lay down.......or cry ) and she would lay down and sleep.

I think that was around 10 -11 months old.

 

[happy-chick]

As Ellie is breastfed she has always gone to sleep using breast, she started not going to sleep with breast meaning that it was a constant battle to get her to sleep and it was as if she was wanting to know how to go sleep herself. We spoke to several health professionals who all advised us to use CC.

We have tried it in the past & it was truely awful so we gave up and said never again, I was at breaking point with her so we geared ourselves up for a battle and decided that she needed to learn as it was as much for her benefit as ours. We went into her every 5-10 mins, said shhh its bedtime now and lay her back down, it was hard at first but it went really well & suprised us!
Here is out diary of how it went:

Saturday 10th Jan
Night - Put in cot at 12 after not going to sleep at all. Fell asleep after 40mins of on & off crying. Woke at 7:30 so got up with her.

Sunday 11th Jan
Day - Fell asleep on dads knee for 30mins. Put in cot for nap, fell asleep after 20mins.
Night - Put in cot at 8:30pm, asleep in 30mins. Woke at 3am, fell asleep in 30mins then got up at 8:20am.

Monday 12th Jan
Day – Morning nap in cot, asleep within 5min. Afternoon nap asleep from car.
Night – Put down at 10pm and asleep within 5min. Got up at 9am.

Tuesday 13th Jan
Day – Morning nap asleep in cot within 5mins. Afternoon nap in about 10mins.
Night – Put down at 9pm, asleep in 8min.

Now when shes tired we put her in her cot and she will whinge for a couple of mins, wriggle around a bit or play then go to sleep with no fuss. Shes sleeping usually 8pm until after 8am we're all so much happier for it, the change in her is amazing! I swore i would never do it as it was cruel but this time it was as though she was ready to learn so it has gone really well.

Good luck with whatever you end up doing

 

[newmum]

I am not sure that I agree with CC being cruel. For me cruelty is when you deliberately infliction pain and suffering. And when parents try this method to help their LOs to sleep I am sure they aren't inflicting pain! Of course it can depend on a whole range of things, like age, health, environment, teeth etc etc and maybe there is a time when it works and a time when it doesn't. Bit of trial and error.

Like Happy Chick showed in her diary, it actually gave her baby some limits and helped her to grasp the concept of sleeping at bedtime. For me, my LO can keep going for hours with the ssshhh thing and she began to catch on that she could keep me there for hours. You have to know your child and also what your own limits are. Ellie was obviously at a point where she was ready for it. I use it from time to time when she is just playing up rather than anything being wrong and the next night she is back to normal again. But I didn't do it until she was around 10 months old by which stage she was walking and could understand basic instructions.

Now the issue is.... what to do when she gets up at 4.30am

 

[happy-chick]

I am not sure that I agree with CC being cruel. For me cruelty is when you deliberately infliction pain and suffering. And when parents try this method to help their LOs to sleep I am sure they aren't inflicting pain! Of course it can depend on a whole range of things, like age, health, environment, teeth etc etc and maybe there is a time when it works and a time when it doesn't. Bit of trial and error.

Like Happy Chick showed in her diary, it actually gave her baby some limits and helped her to grasp the concept of sleeping at bedtime. For me, my LO can keep going for hours with the ssshhh thing and she began to catch on that she could keep me there for hours. You have to know your child and also what your own limits are. Ellie was obviously at a point where she was ready for it. I use it from time to time when she is just playing up rather than anything being wrong and the next night she is back to normal again. But I didn't do it until she was around 10 months old by which stage she was walking and could understand basic instructions.

Now the issue is.... what to do when she gets up at 4.30am

Yeh maybe I should have chosen my words a little better and used something other than cruel but on the occasions when we did try CC when Ellie was younger and she wasnt ready for it and as a mother I certainly felt like I was being cruel to her as she cried for 3 hrs and ended up making herself sick. I didnt mean that using this method was cruel, I just meant it made me feel cruel. Hope that makes sense!

Ellie was definately ready for it this time & that is why it has worked well, she now understands that there are boundaries and she has begun to understand them more as shes that little bit older. This time the crying was total temper/paddying and was alot easier to leave her to cry where as previous times she was very upset & confused as to why we had just left her, there was a definate difference in her behaviour this time round. I think its a personal choice and its dependant on yourself & your baby as to how well it can work.

xx